Is it normal to have an a**hole brother?

78% Normal
8 Comments

My brother is 5 yrs younger than me. Throughout our lives he has always been the "golden child" in my mother's eyes. He was arrested for drugs in high school, he was kicked out of college for drugs and he was arrested as an adult for drugs. He is a self proclaimed RX junkie. I tried pot in high school, when my mother found out she wanted to put me in rehab. She makes excuses for my brother for everything. It is never his fault. Since h.s. I have never done drugs again. I went to college, got a job, never moved back home and my husband and I have relied on ourselves our whole life. For 15 yrs I lived withing 20 minutes of my parents and have helped them with everything. About 5 yrs ago I moved out of state. My mother had some medical issues and my parents lived with my family for 1 yr. During this time my brother got pissed about some stupid comment and proceeded to call me some names that I will never repeat, he accused me and my father of not caring for my mother and the cause of her medical issues. I threw him out of my house and haven't spoken to him since. He then proceeded to tell all his friends that I was an unfit mother and he wanted to have my children taken away from me. He also accused me of stealing my mother's pain medication. My parents are back in their own home now and my brother, being unemployed, has moved in with them. I am trully glad he is there to help them when i am so far away, but, things never change. My mother feel that I am responsible for all this because I will not apologize to my brother. I have not ranted about anything because my mother's health is fragile and I don't want to upset her. For Christmas I sent a digital picture frame with alot (about 90)of pictures from when my kids were little and about 5 of me and my husband. The gift was so they could still feel close to us and see pictures of the kids. I get a phone call from my father thanking me and he was overjoyed with the gift. My mother called a couple days later and said "I liked the frame but I was really upset that you didn't put any pictures on of your brother". I brushed it off but she kept going on about it. So, is it normal to feel this hurt that you tried to do something nice but it always comes back to your brother?? I was never jealous of him and up until all this we were pretty close. But I can not forgive the thing he said (and meant) and will never speak to him again. Why can't my mother see that he is such an a-hole?

Voting Results
78% Normal
Based on 63 votes (49 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • superfail2!
    11 years ago

    im sorry i may have punched your retarded mom.

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  • RentingEmotion
    13 years ago

    Welcome to my life:p

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  • cleverusername
    13 years ago

    Your brother was an absolute dick. You should tell your mom why you feel this way about him.
    I would have been unable to laugh if he said that though. Seriously he accused you of doing the things he IS doing.
    Just talk it out with them.

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  • destinsbaby
    13 years ago

    It's her son. A mother can't believe that her little baby boy could ever be such a JA

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  • hotchickie81
    14 years ago

    I can kinda relate, though un a much lesser extent. My brother was favoured a lot, especially since he had trouble in school and with other kids. He's younger than me as well. My parents have helped me over the years (to which I am grateful for), but now my brother is living with his gf and their baby, and they don't make much money, so my parents are going out of their way to help in anyway they can. It's frustrating since I know my brother's kid will probably always get more from my parents than what our kids will (if we ever have any). But I guess that's the way she goes. I'd rather not have to rely on others to help us get by anyway.

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    I don't think you can blame your mom entirely for wanting (wishing) things to be other than what they are. Sounds like he was a real handful growing up and remains difficult, and she's resigned to it and pressures you to do the same.

    That said, I'd guess he won't change because, sadly, he gets a lot of power out of being the fly in the family ointment. And he is jealous of you.

    You are perfectly within your rights to limit your exposure to his negative, immature and nasty behaviour, for the sake of your family & children, as well as your own.

    If that means no contact thats your call - you are just protecting your family. You don't have to agree or go along with your mom to understand where she is coming from. Nor do you need to take responsibility for your brother's behaviour or change it (cause you can't).

    I think you can just reassure your mom of your love and that of her grandchildren's, provide a home that is open to her - and be guilt free about letting go of what you have no responsibility for or control over.

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  • Jen118584
    14 years ago

    Despite your mother's health concerns, I think you should gently approach her with this issue. Sometimes things that are blatantly obvious to you go completely unnoticed by someone else. She's either nuts and not worth your time, or completely unaware of the way she's coming off to you. She's your mother, talk to her. If she isn't receptive, don't further waste your time and don't let it bother you. You're a good person and her and your brother's issues are theirs, not yours.

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  • nothing2
    14 years ago

    it amazes me sometimes how thin-skinned some people are. it's for brother for crissakes. maybe he just wanted to push a few issues around. maybe the issues needed to be pushed around. that's not always an easy thing to do. maybe you were'nt responding so he said something stupid. some people are more high-strung is all. it's hard, i know.

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