Is it normal to have a verbally/emotionally/physically abusive dad?

22% Normal
11 Comments

My dad yelled at me and spanked me all the time with all his energy through out my life at the first instance of doing something wrong accidentally or unknowingly, instead of just telling me it was wrong and not to do it again. He'd yell at me and my siblings with the full purpose of making us cry (which we did) when we didn't live up to his expectations, and then continue with it to engrave it into our brains. He slapped me across the face as hard as he could when i was 7. he slapped my sister across the face twice. he has actually stated that he thinks you aren't a good father unless your kids hate you.
Well, I absolutely hate him and he and he alone has built up so much rage and anger inside me.
Is it normal for a father to be like this?

Voting Results
22% Normal
Based on 37 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • nightress777
    11 years ago

    If you're interested in learning about a good way of parenting (not the ONLY good way, don't get me wrong), then look up attachment parenting. It's considered by hormonal biologists and anthropologists to be the "norm" in parenting since the dawn of man so is therefore not a style but what's natural. It has a lot to do with love, open forum talking, keeping family close but allowing them room to grow, and instincts. It may give you a glimpse into what fatherhood and motherhood should resemble in a perfect world and how you could raise your kids should you ever have any.

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  • nightress777
    11 years ago

    Unfortunately, it is more normal than it should be. But it isn't right at all and that's not how a good father SHOULD be. The way he says he thinks that's how a father should be says a lot about how HIS parents must have been. As bad as it sounds, he's probably literally doing the best he can. There a perpetuation of abusive behavior from our parents and it's even more prominent among people with low IQ. He may never understand that what he's doing is wrong. You can't change people, only yourself. If you're still young and living with him, you could try to leave. But you have to be aware of what it would mean. If you testified against him, there would have to be proof and you're going to want to make sure your siblings will also back up your claims. If you don't want to risk it, that is entirely your choice. You have to want to because being pressured into it might make you feel guilty for the rest of your life. If you do, get it done. Look up information online, make calls, talk to an adult neighbor. But whatever you do or wherever you go, make sure your siblings are with you because it could be bad for them if you go and they don't.
    But I would suggest counseling at the least at some point in your life. And if you're the oldest, do not leave that house and just never go back to visit because you have other siblings there who need you as a positive influence in their lives. Show them an abundance of love and acceptance. It will lessen the likelihood that they will perpetuate that bad behavior if they ever become parents. If they're older and/or when they get older, talk to them about it. Explain everything. Try to make it an open topic. The more someone talks about it, the better it can get emotionally.
    I am really sorry that you have to deal with that. No one should have to. A child comes into this world needing and wanting nothing but basic survival necessities and love.
    If you're really in a bind, call 911. Speak up.
    Finding faith in God can really help too. It gives you something to hold onto and a belief that there is a parent of the highest kind whom loves you and treats you right. Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Pagan, whatever speaks to you in your heart. But of course, that's entirely up to you.
    My heart breaks for you and your family :( I hope things change for the better as soon as possible...

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  • Broken_Beauty
    11 years ago

    My dad is just like this. I don't think it's normal, but u would actually be surprised how common fathers like this are...

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  • Dad
    11 years ago

    One of those most vivid memories I have was on a dark night when my Dad yelled at me to hold the torch on the starter motor so he could get the car started again! Since I seemed to be getting it wrong all the time, he ended up yanking the torch from my hands VERY abruptly, causing me to cry (pretty sure out of fear of getting belted again).

    Hmm, I think I was about 8 at the time.
    Oh and I wasn't brave enough to tell him, but I had no idea what a stater motor was. That definitely would have got me another belting, so I kept quite.

    By the way, to you parents out there that yell and spank or hit your young kids. Please remember I HATED my Dad for years and years and years. And I finally stopped being rude and sarcastic to him (as an adult) when I was about age 30. He died not long after.
    He also never looked after my own kids alone!

    Good luck with that.

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  • Wendell
    11 years ago

    Shut up Eric Forman.

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  • ZommBeee
    11 years ago

    I'm sorry but no this is isn't normal and your scumbag of a father can go to prison for this, mine did and it was the best thing that ever happened. Sort it out seriously. To even ask if this is normal is a joke.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    I don't know how old you are now, I would try to report him and get a restraining order against him. It's not normal at all. If you learned marital arts as a self-defence then you could better protect yourself if he starts to act like a jackass again.

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  • Dad
    11 years ago

    That's strange it sounds as though you want to slap him!

    Your father was brought up in the old days where spanking was not seen as child abuse.
    I think only the US and Middle East (and a couple of other ignorant countries) still allow 'spankings' legally.
    All other civilized countries have outlawed it, ie its illegal.

    A child has the right to prosecute a parent who abuses them.
    To try to stop this possible pattern arising in your home, try communicating to your Dad on his level, and let him know that it is (and was) wrong.

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    • nightress777
      11 years ago

      I would suggest that too but only if they think it's safe to do so. I mean if he's so bad that he may freak then it's just not safe and better to try and get out of there.
      I'm glad someone finally agrees with me on the spanking thing though!!!
      To Anonymous and everyone else: There has been over 80 studies done on corporal punishment and not a single one ever came up in favor of it. Not to say that people who are punished that way turn out bad, just that they're more likely too and/or more likely to have mental/emotional problems, social skill problems, and developmental problems (I don't mean retarded, just that their brain is not developing in the way it should be and to the full extent that it can be). Also, physical punishment usually only works in the short term and teaches the child to hide things not actually stop doing them. It's proven that it makes them have more anxiety problems and be more aggressive and contributes to depression in teenage years. The younger spanking starts and the longer it lasts, the worse these effects show up. Reward for good behavior has been proved repeatedly to work better than punishment for bad, but there are a number of other helpful ways to parent as well. The only time punishment works better is in cases of extreme electric shock but that is of course inhumane and ridiculous (I don't even want to think about how they came up with that one o.o ). Just because you are raised that way, does not mean you have to raise your children that way. For the argument "My parents did it and I'm going to do what works", the point of being human is to grow and change and explore new avenues. This is another step in our society. They've found better ways, you just have to learn them.

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      • Dad
        11 years ago

        Hmm, another reply that states 2 days old, but I just got it now. Very strange and irritating. ie Are there present replies from other topics that I'm not aware of too?

        Yes spanking could be related to sexual fetishes, but it should never be related to child discipline.
        Personally I was belted when I was young from my dad, usually for laughing too loud at times!
        It has definitely made me more insecure and nervous throughout life in my view.

        By the way, I distinctly remember hiding things to my parents throughout my childhood to avoid possible beltings. I say lots of things! Wow every 'spanking' parent must think that's a great idea!

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    i would say " im not talking to you until you say sorry for being an abusing dad" let him sneer and laugh s, ay only basics like yes and no if he raves on walk off. if he lands a hand on u fight like a wild cat, get ready to go you r own way and let mother side with a loser until she come to her senses

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