Is it normal to have a shallow vagina?

70% Normal

I am an 18 year old girl. Last year, my boyfriend wanted to try real intercourse for the first time, so I agreed. However, when we started doing it, he had some trouble getting in. He'd slip in, and then out, again and again. Then, when he started to push, it hurt so much that I jerked and scared him. Then, rubbing like half his cock in there, without fully penetrating, he suddenly came. So since he was already done, I was more than happy to quit, with my hymen still in tact.
Now, he is wanting to try again, and since I am the young, inexperienced one, I asked what was wrong with me, and if I was just "too small." He told me that no, I was just shallow, and he was dying to do it again. I don't understand. By "shallow", did he mean the distance between my hymen and opening? Or did he mean the length of my whole vagina? I am too embarrassed to talk to him any more, as he is several years older and more experienced. However, I am afraid sex will always be painful for me. Please let me know what you know. Thanks!

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70% Normal

Based on 175 votes (123 yes)

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Comments ( 21 )

Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

12 years ago

That's because romance books don't tell the truth. In the romance books virgins only feel pain for a few seconds and suddenly their canals are stretched enough to feel comfortable for the woman yet snug enough to make the man feel good.

Welcome to the reality of sex.

Many girls hurt the whole first time. You're ripping your hymen open and shoving a large piece of flesh into a hole that's never been stretched that wide before.

Sure that canal will eventually stretch enough to pop a baby out but ... not yet. Right now it's never had anything bigger than a tampon or a finger or two inside. And young men aren't always as gentle as they should be.

Plus your body hasn't finished developing yet. Seriously. Your body might be able to have sex and create kids but your canal and uterus doesn't stop growing until your early 20s. (which is why pregnancy is riskier for those in their teens).

If you chose to lie with him again, spend time playing first. There's no reason your foreplay can't last as long as you want it too. The more "prepared" you are, the less it will feel uncomfortable. Sometimes having a climax *first* really lubricates you, so having him slide in afterwards will be easier.

And since you're 18 there's no reason you can't consider experimenting with lubricants as well. I would recommend avoiding the flavored ones unless you plan to use them along with oral play, simply because the sugars used in them can encourage yeast infections. Silicone and water-based are the best really... The former will *stay* put for a long time, while the latter may need reapplication but won't linger too long after you're done.

=)

and if he balks at the idea of waiting before popping into you, even though it hurts you... perhaps you should reconsider having sex with him at all.

real men care about their partner's pleasure.
real men will take the time to get you ready

if all he cares about is getting his nut off regardless of how much it hurts you then... you're better off giving him a FleshLight and saying "get lost"

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Thanks so much for the sound, informed advice. I will keep all that in mind. I will assure your though, that my bf is extremely gentle, and would never do anything to hurt me without my consent. He is quite a bit older, and very protective and understanding. So, he has already waited for nearly 2 years, and will wait longer, but I feel I owe it to him.
  Last time we tried, we were sneaking around so it was a bit rushed. Maybe the foreplay is the key here, because admittedly I was more scared of getting caught than turned on last time. I will make sure we have a leisurely chance next time. :)
  
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  - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    
    12 years ago
    
    Ah. That's part of the issue then. If you have to sneak around to get laid you may want to consider waiting until you can do it in your own apartment or home.
    
    If you're still living with Mom & Dad you may want to consider changing that before starting a serious adult physical relationship.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      So that's what makes my vagina "shallow" ? The fact that I don't like people to know about my private life? Okay, I get it. I think I will wait until I am more independent though, it sounds like sound advice. If indeed, it is just a matter of not being turned on enough, then I am not very worried. Thanks. :)
      
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JustDave

12 years ago

I am not trying to ridicule you but...If this guy is 15 years older than you & he began a physical relationship with you when you were 16, in some states he would be, and should be arrested. This guy may seem wonderful, but he is taking advantage of you and your less than great family situation. I wish you well, but don't be in such a hurry to grow up.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Thank you for this caring response. I honestly have thought and worried about all this a lot, and mentally I know that he took advantage of me and that what he did was wrong in the eyes of many. However, like I stated, one does not always get to choose when and who they fall in love with, and once I have fallen, I do not tend to look back. I am worried about our future, and where this relationship can actually go, so I appreciate your concern and wishes. Have an awesome day! :)
  
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The_one1990

6 years ago

Yes it is completely normal, obviously not all women but it is still a normal thing. It can be something you're just born with, but at the same time it can mean you have lower estrogen levels. This is coming from a man though. I've only been through this once with my current partner. She is Japanese, but I realized it are first time having intercourse. It felt tight enough that it was even hurting me and I could tell it was making her uncomfortable as well. So I stopped going as deep and it started to make her not feel as much pain. And I'm not that big myself either, maybe 6 inches. So I knew that wasn't the problem. After are first time that's when she told me she had a shallow vagina, has her whole life. Sometimes she can't even masturbates because she will hurt herself. And when she does she can only use on finger as well. That's when she told me pleasing her before sex can make it more comfortable during sex. So every time now before we have sex I please her orally until she has an orgasm. It makes you more self lubricated and it loosens up inside a bit more. Plus she loves it, and I love doing it for her lol. Still feels really tight though for me and if going to rough at the start can still hurt her. You still need to take things slowly when taking his penis at first. Sometimes sucking on it and getting it wet with saliva can help a bit as well. But best advise get him to finish you first before you have sex.

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comradeconrad

6 years ago

By "shallow" I don't think he was referring to your vagina.

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iEvenLift

11 years ago

"So since he was already done, I was more than happy to quit, with my hymen still in tact."

Oh lawd, I see sex education has failed you all. Your hymen is a membrane right at the opening to the vagina. Unless your bf is about 1 millimeter long, trust me, he penetrated the hymen.

He was probably hitting your cervix

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darren3

12 years ago

It doesnt sound like your one pump chump knows what he is doing either.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  He does, believe me. As I stated to equanimity he is much older, and has been married before. He is just overly concerned about hurting me, and very nervous about taking my virginity.
  
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equanimity

12 years ago

Even if you "stretch" it out, it will shrink back with inactivity.

Start having a lot more sex with yourself and get to know your own body first before you start experimenting with others.

Your boyfriend sounds as inexperienced as you do.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Um, well, I have never liked sticking something in my vagina, because it has always felt uncomfortable. My bf has been very gentle, and considerate of me in the past year, but I feel I need to please him now. Before you call him inexperienced, let me just say he is 15 years older than me, and was married for 15 years. He hasn't been with a virgin since he was like 19 though, so go figure.
  
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  - equanimity
    
    12 years ago
    
    Holy shit! You were 17 when you had sex with a man who is 32?!? What did your parents say about that little girl?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      Oops, I meant to say he had been married 8 years, he didn't marry THAT young. Now he is divorced. Let;s just say, that my parents don't really know about us. When it started, I was 16, they were gone, and he, a family friend was staying over. They are a bit suspicious, therefore we have to be subtle. And idk if what we did counts as having sex, but whatever. I guess the age thing could generate a whole new post as to whether or not it is normal, but let me just say that it feels right for me. I am young, scared, and insecure, and I need someone older, understanding, caring and protective to make me feel at ease. Besides, he only looks about 25, and is devastatingly handsome. :)
      
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      - equanimity
        
        12 years ago
        
        Oh, Puuullllleeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzze!
        You think you know what you are writing about, but you have no idea and you're too young to even comprehend it properly. It doesn't matter how handsome or young he looks. (You're just like every other dumb kid that thinks that this actually even matters when justifying yourself. It's sad, really.)
        
        You know deep in your soul that this is wrong, otherwise you would have told your parents little GIRL.
        
        You may think you are a grown up, but your last comment^ proves that you are VERY far from it!
        
        Good luck with your daddy-complex little girl. :) ROTFLMAO
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        12 years ago
        
        Oh puhleeeeeze yourself. I find it sad that people make so many conclusions and judgements about a couple simply based on their age. Love is about the compatibility of two bodies, two personalities, two hearts, two souls. It has very little to do with age, race, sex, and the like. However, I have been raised very conservatively, and understand how odd it looks. Do you think I do not feel the pain of judgement every day? I didn't choose who I fell in love with, life is not always that kind as to allow me options.
        If you think I have a daddy-complex, and then roll on the floor laughing your ass off about it, it is you that are the immature child. Perhaps you do not understand the pain and confusion of growing up with a father who treats you like trash, with parents who yell at you no matter what you do, and who you therefore do not feel like you can confide in. Maybe there is a part of me that finds comfort in an older man's love, because I was starved for a father-figure when growing up, but if so, is it really that funny?
        If growing up means I no longer have the ability to appreciate someone's good looks, good personality, and love, then I hope I never grow up. If you are truly concerned about me as a person, and feel like I am being used, taking on something I am too young for, and the like...then just tell me so. There is no need for jokes and insults. :)
        
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lc1988

12 years ago

It's normal for sure. I was 18 too and it hurt not just the first time but a few times after that. He's been gone for 6 months so I'm kinda scared to go through that again lol. I don't think you're shallow necessarily. It just takes more to open up. And I think someone already mentioned this but young men aren't known to be gentle. ha.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Thanks. And he is actually very gentle. He is in his early 30s though, so not really that young. :)
  
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teaniebaby

12 years ago

I think
what he could mean by saying "shallow" but it means ur just really tight. I have the same problem. With time it will stretch to fit a penis but it does hurt a bit in the beginning. I'm super tight and guys really like the idea of a tight vag but it's not worth having it all stretched out like silly puddy by having too many different sized partners. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Be proud of it. There r girls out there that wish theirs would snap back if u catch my drift lol

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Hmm, but then, when I asked him if I was too small, he said no. So wouldn't that be included in the "tight" category? Just wondering...
  And thanks for the comment, I guess I should brave up and face the pain.
  
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Is it normal to have a shallow vagina?