Is it normal to have a sexual aversion to chubby girls? am i shallow?

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So, first thing's first - I'm a 24 year-old single guy. I'm not perfect, nor am I looking for perfection.

This has nothing to do with how other men view me in society, nothing to do with what the media portrays as "attractive", nothing to do with me being a selfish prick who can't see past a woman's exterior. I have plenty of overweight (and even some obese) friends (male and female). I still appreciate everyone for who they are as a person.

This is simply a fact, of a lack of physical attraction/arousal - Seeing, touching/being touched by an overweight woman, simply doesn't create that magical erotic spark for me. It's that simple. I can't help it.

I've recently been posting in the personals section, and started exchanging long messages with a wonderful girl. We have stuff in common, has a good personality, is intelligent, spiritual, non-materialistic, loves animals, etc. (important traits that I value in a woman) - However, I specifically stated (in bold font) that I'm only interested in women (I tend to get desperate horny gay men hitting on me sometimes) and that I'm looking for a woman who is skinny/slender/thin or average. Anyway, we started having an on-going email conversation. I didn't ask for a photo - I assumed she was at least not overweight, since I clearly stated what I was interested in, and she replied to my post. We ended up exchanging numbers, and began texting a lot for a while. I still hadn't asked her for a photo. I wasn't concerned about her looks - Just assuming that she wasn't overweight was good enough for me. Well, she starts volunteering face photos - She looked okay (not exactly slender-looking), but I continued being interested in her and decided to give her a chance, because of who she is as a person. I ended up hanging out with her last night. To my diappointment, I saw that she's a little chubby. I have zero physical attraction for her. I can't help it. I went along with our little date anyhow, and we chit-chatted about random stuff, and it went well. She's a cool person, but I wouln't be able to have sex with her, and have a fulfilling romantic relationship with her. Not even if I tried. I just can't. It wouldn't work. I'd have no problem being friends with her, but that's it. I know there are many people who would call me a shallow asshole. That's fine. I can't help what makes me hard, and what doesn't. It's that simple. Why should I be made to feel bad for it? Now I'm faced with a little dilema, because I've lost all romantic interest in her, and she's going to know, regardless if I say anything or not, because she's going to notice my sudden lack of interest. This isn't why I'm writing, though. Why did she think that she could simply charm her way past my hardwired sexual arousal functions? If I clearly specify upfront what I'm attracted to, why does she ignore it, and think I will suddenly change what I'm naturally attracted to? I can't help but feel a little guilty and bad about it, but I was clear in what I was looking for. She seemed to have conveniently missed the big bold font or something. I just have an aversion to fat (when it comes to being physically intimate). I used to be fat myself - I don't like being fat, and I don't find fat attractive in women. Call me shallow if you must, but it's a simple fact that I can't change. I control myself, and keep my body at a healthy weight - Why should I feel bad for wanting the same? Like I stated in the beginning, I'm not perfect, nor am I looking for perfection. Some critics like to falsely believe that I'm looking for a model, who is too good for me. No. I just want someone with a slimmer frame, who at least isn't overweight. That's all. I'm just an average-looking guy, just looking for an average-looking girl, who at least cares enough about her body to not let it get flabby and chubby - as I do with myself. Why do some feel that is too much to ask? Everyone likes different things. There are fat guys who are attracted to thin girls, fat girls who want thin men, fat men who want fat women, thin women who want thin men, fat men who want thin men. etc. Now, she does have a bicycle, and does go for daily morning rides, but she's still chubby. There are plenty of men who would find her attractive - That guy just isn't me. Why should I be called shallow for liking what I like?

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Based on 34 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Koda
    8 years ago

    Your preferences do not make you shallow, but avoiding a potential partner who could be perfect in every other way would be a little shallow. Weight isn't a permanent thing, it fluctuates. Just because a girl is chunky now doesn't mean she'll always be. If sex is really important to you, and you can't be attracted to overweight people, then obviously, weight WILL be a deal breaker with you. It's pretty lame that you felt the need to ask us if this is OK or normal. I think you just wanted people to agree with you so you feel less guilty about being shallow. If you don't like it, change it!

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    THAT! Was alot to read just for not liking chubby girls. Not sexually liking chubby girls doesn't make you shallow, but hating them altogether is kinda. If that post was a few sentences long I would have said this "If you masturbate to chubby porn you could like it, you can get sexually adapted to almost anything." Btw's I didn't read your story.. sorry :/

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  • YBNormal
    11 years ago

    I actually read the entire rant, and I have to say, it sounds a bit like you're angry at yourself for feeling this way, as well as angry at the girl you've been talking to for "leading you on."

    Frankly, your secondary comments above (about the cold, fat, fingers) suggest that your dislike is not just about arousal, but a certain abhorrence. Yes, I read that you "have fat friends," but after the rant, that comes off sounding a bit like "I'm not racist because I have black friends, I just don't like [insert racist epithet here]." It's a little less believable after your secondary comments.

    Before your secondary comments, I wished that you could try just once to let it go, but after the secondary comments, I don't feel that way. Let her go and let her find someone who can love her.

    Something to think about: Weight gain frequently happens with age, especially for women who have children. Yes, that's a generalization, but it does often hold true. So just be aware that even if you find the thin girl of your dreams, she may change over the years. And constantly pushing her to keep her weight down and taking food from out from under her will only piss her off. You Have Been Warned.

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    • EnergyShift
      11 years ago

      If I'm not physically attracted though, am I supposed to just force myself to change? I'm not necessarily angry at anyone. I have no ill feelings towards the girl - I just wish that for their sake, they'd pay attention, because I don't enjoy leading people on. I'm a nice guy who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings (and I never told her I wasn't attracted to her, due to that reason). It has more to do with others who react so negatively to what I am or aren't attracted to. They like to tell me how shallow I am, or how I can't appreciate someone for their inner beauty and personality (which I can, and do, but only as friends because of the physical attraction factor). I like skinny girls, girls who my chub-loving buddies call anorexic twigs. Why aren't they scrutinized the same way as I am, for not being attracted to skinny girls? Aren't they being shallow? Why don't the skinny girls and skinny-lovers go to those people and give them a hard time? Why is it that only the guys who don't want to date chubby girls are the oes who get put down in society for being shallow assholes? I'm just trying to understand it, that's all. People come in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc., and thus, we all like different things - It's in our nature, it's diversity, and there's nothing wrong with it. If we all liked the same exact thing, the world would be full of a bunch of the same plain and boring identical people.

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      • EnergyShift
        11 years ago

        As for girls gaining weight during pregnancy, I fully understand that, and it's to be expected. However, if a girl cares enough about her body, she'll lose the weight afterwards (or a good portion of it), without me having to take food away from her (which sounds a tad asshole-ish, and I wouldn't do that). If I have enough self-control to keep my weight in check, why can't she? If I ate the way I wanted to, I'd be over 200lbs (and it actually happened once, and I wasn't happy with how I looked or felt). I'd instead like to focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle, together - Eating nutritious organic foods, drinking plenty of water, going out or walks, etc. Is that such a bad ideal for life?

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  • AquaTurtle
    11 years ago

    I honestly stopped reading that about 3/4 through when the ranting started.

    Don't feel bad. Attraction is a funny thing. I did online dating for a bit, I'm a tad porky, and if a guy said he liked slender girls I stayed away, even it was him initiating contact with me (my profile specifically stated I was chubby and had photos). At the end of the day, you HAVE to be sexually attracted to someone. She could be a perfect size 0 and you might not feel attraction. It's more than weight. It's more than personality. They need to be combined. Even then, a couple who are a perfect match on paper could not work out in real life.

    The only thing that irked me was the above about the fingers. Do all fat girls have cold hands? Really? I'd say the extra padding makes them warm. The point isn't about the hands, it's about statements like that. Those sweeping statements make you sound like an asshole.

    Appreciate that everyone is different. I can look at a ton of people and think they're attractive, but not be attracted to them. Shallowness is not being able to see this, and only believing that your 'type' is attractive.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I don't see anything wrong with having a body type preference, most people have one. I also don't think you are "shallow" for liking skinny girls the most.

    The part that I think is not as common/normal and might be perceived as "shallow", is that a woman's body type is so important to you that it trumps a her personality.

    I believe most adults(males or females) are looking for an emotional or mental connection first and then looks are something secondary - like a bonus if they happen to look like your idea fantasy.

    If looks are at the top of your list of must-haves in a partner, then yes, that is shallow.

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    • EnergyShift
      11 years ago

      It's not purely about looks though, it mostly has to with the way they actually FEEL to me, physically. A girl touching me with chubby cold fingers does nothing to get me excited sexually, whereas slender, warm, defined fingers touching me, excites me through-the-roof instantly. Putting my arms around a big cold flabby body is also a turn-off, whereas putting my arms around a nice warm slender body is a turn-on.

      So it's not a simple matter of looks trumping personality. It wouldn't be fair to force myself to date a girl for her personality alone, while leaving her sexually unfulfilled and frustrated. Girls deserve a man who is into them mentally, emotionally, AND physically. There are plenty of other men who are attracted to bigger girls, and that's the kind of man they should go for.

      To put things in contrast, when I first met my ex, she still had a rubber feeding tube sticking out of her belly, after recently having a double-lung transplant, due to cystic fibrosis that almost killed her. She also has diabetes, and takes tons of pills daily to survive. I liked her personality, thought she was cute, dated her, and wound up in a relationship with her for over a year. We're still very close friends to this day. Most other guys would probably consider her a sickly twig, but I saw past her illnesses, accepted her, had physical attraction, and fell in love with her.

      I just can't get past chub.

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