Is it normal to have a reoccurring incest dream
Okay so before I share the dreams, I'll give some background. I was molested when I was younger. By who? I don't know.. Have to see what the next flashback will reveal (I just found out recently). I was close to my dad up until I was 6 then things went down hill. A lot of Emotional, verbal & physical abuse. He's no longer in my life so I've never really had that father figure to guide me so that led to me obsessively craving emotional attention & so on. I've never had a real relationship with any man. As for the molestation that took place, seeing as how I don't know who did it, I'm not crossing out anyone from my family (I truly believe it was someone in my family). Anyone & everyone is a suspect in my head.
Ever since I was younger I had always been physically attracted to one of my uncles. I've always found myself wanting his attention & being jealous when he was in a relationship. FACTS: He is my half-uncle. Him & my dad don't have the same dads) Might not mean much but I guess technically it would be considered incest? 2. He's not that much older than me. By now he should be starting his late 20's? 3. He's also married. 4. I was close to him when i was younger but as i got older no. I've always wanted to get closer to him. It was no secret I had a crush on him. Few fam knew & played it as a silly crush that I got made fun of for having. I believed it was a silly crush as well that would pass in due time. Now it wasn't up until recently I found out that he used to live with us when we were both younger. My memory is blocked out almost entirely because of the trauma. This doesn't make me say he is the one who did it but he is someone who I have in mind. Anyways after I parted ways with my dad; which was now... 5-6 years ago, I haven't seen his side of the family nor talked to them.
Recently out of nowhere I had this random dream about him. The first one was harmless. We were at this party & he showed up, I introduced him to everybody as my uncle & as the party went on he began flirting with me. He continued doing so & I wasn't stopping him, I actually liked it. He'd wrap his arms around me & we'd act like a couple, to which everyone grew suspicious because they knew he was family. At the end of my dream he left the party & I ran after him to come back & he wouldn't, he just left.
2nd dream started getting a little heated. Point is we would flirt & at some point I text him telling him we need to talk because what we were doing was wrong. When we met to talk we started getting closer & a little more intimate but knew we had to hide it from the family because they couldn't find out. The fam eventually started noticing we were spending a lot of time together. That's all I can remember about this dream.
3rd dream was last night & it went pretty far. Farther than the other dreams. In this dream all I can remember is coming to this house which was supposed to be one of my fams house & my dad & full blood uncle were arguing outside. I was peeking on them & they were screaming at each other very loudly. I came back inside & somehow ended up back with my uncle & we started hooking up. It was wrong but it felt right. I think we got caught the first time & just got a warning. Then I went back to hook up with him again & this time he got locked up, that didn't stop me. I called him up & we ended up hooking up once again, this time my mom caught us. She just kept saying how she doesn't understand why I keep messing around with him. Ultimately I was put in a position where I had to tell her about me being molested (In real life she doesn't know about it. Nobody but my therapist. Although when I think back to my childhood I know she had an idea) that's all I can remember for now.
After last nights dream I'm left conflicted. A part of me is very worried about why I am having these dreams & out of all people & out of all times. I also worry about what it could mean (I look into my dreams meanings, not all just the one that interest me) & if he might be having the same or similar dreams about this with me?? The other part of me knows that this is wrong & I'm not into incest at all but if in real life there was an opourtunity for something like this to go down I'd probably not stop it from happening. I'm still physically attracted to him. I don't want to be but I am. I feel out of my mind for even having these feelings let alone the dreams. It's like my emotions & head are twisted. But I am a sane & functioning person just like everyone else. I'm gonna bring this up to my therapist when I see her next Mon.
Can anybody give me their input? & PLEASE refrain from nasty & ignorant, non-related comments please. I really want someone to hear me out & help me. If you have something similar in any shape or form please comment about it!! I in no way want to have this or feel like this but there is this part of me that feels like I could allow it. UGH! :'/