Is it normal to have a purely sexual relation with my cousin?

45% Normal

I am a 19 year old girl, and am fairly normal in most aspects, except I have a first cousin who is 34 and is crazy about me. I mean, when I was younger, I thought it was pretty awesome that he was so in love with me, because I was so much younger, and felt inferior. Even now, I still think he is a very handsome, charming guy. But the problem is he wants more than to just be "flirty kissing cousins". He continually wants all sorts of sex, which is difficult since we have to sneak around, because everyone would kill us if they found out. I get scared, and feel like it isn't worth it to go through so much terror just to be intimate with him. However, he says that if he could marry me, he would, but since he can't, he wants to sneak around and have sex with me for as many more years as possible. I don't know what to think. I am afraid I will fall deeply in love with him if I keep being physical with him, and that would be a sticky situation. Have any other girls out there ever been able to maintain a strictly physical relationship with anyone, and not fall in love?

Voting Results

45% Normal

Based on 22 votes (10 yes)

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Comments ( 22 )

Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

11 years ago

Go for it - it's legal in many states and in most of europe

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Is this an example of your brutal honesty, or you sick humor? At any rate, thanks for the comment. Just don't know if the rest of society will be as accepting as you...:(
  
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  - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    
    11 years ago
    
    eh, bit of sick humor i guess
    but tempered with the fact that it is true.
    
    my home state allows first cousin marriage too. although i never thought of my cousin like that
    
    my current state doesn't but we're bordering a state that does. so *shrug*
    
    iirc there's 16 or 17 states that allow it.
    
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Avant-Garde

11 years ago

Absolutely Not!

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Captain_Kegstand

11 years ago

I don't even know how to comment on this. So much of who I am is weird-ed out by the thought of sleeping with my cousin, although I recognize that you are not hurting anybody so it isn't really a bad thing.

As far as the purely physical thing, one or the other of you two will develop feelings. It is almost unavoidable!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Well, I guess the thing of it is, we both already have feelings. We tell each other we are in love, and have said several times that we would like to be together permanently. Just don't know how to swing it with the family and all. The reason I asked this is, he has a kind of sort of girlfriend now, and it makes me jealous, but he says he wants to keep being sexual for as long as neither of us are married to someone else. Maybe he thinks he can do that, but I don't really see how I can fall in love with/decide to marry someone else, while still being intimate with him.
  
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  - Captain_Kegstand
    
    11 years ago
    
    Could it possibly be that he does have feelings for you, and wants to be with you, but recognizes the fact that it would be very hard for you guys to be together. Maybe he wants you, but is looking for somebody more "socially acceptable" at the same time?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      That is exactly it. I know he does have feelings for me, or he would never risk his entire life and reputation by being with me. He has stayed up all night many times talking to me, helping me through stuff etc. But yes, the bottom line is, we both know it isn't socially acceptable to be together. So my question is: should I accept his proposal to just be bed-buddies and nothing more? Or do I just drop everything altogether?
      
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      - Captain_Kegstand
        
        11 years ago
        
        That kind of depends on you. Could you be happy just being bed buddies, or is that going to cause you even more pain the day that he finally does find someone else. There could be a lot of fun in the "bed buddie" situation, but make sure your ready for it emotionally!
        
        Personally if I had feelings for someone, I don't think I could stand to just be "bed buddies" while the search for Mr. Right.
        
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smartpatrol11

11 years ago

There is really nothing wrong with apart from the social taboo and the fact that you will never be able to have a proper relationship. If you want a proper and open relationship youll have to end this if your family finds out you will definately be outcast or cast out

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bigguy2010

11 years ago

Why are you being intimate with him if you are not in love with him? What if you become pregnant? What if the baby turns out abnormal? Are you ready to move to Alabama for the sake of this relationship?

By the way... YUCK!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  I don't know. I suppose it is messed up. He was the first guy I was with, I was 16, and thought of him as a fatherly/authoritative figure. Naturally, I felt special that he wanted me, and kind of fell for him. Maybe I am in love with him, because I can never say no to him. In fact, I am the one who is upset over having a purely sexual relation. I thought we could be more, but he says we need to see other people, or it will become too obvious. Some days, I am furious with him, want to get rid of him, but then I just feel lost without him.
  About the YUCK, I would rather not think of this as straight out incest. We look, act, and think nothing alike. Nobody would believe that we were remotely related looking at us, and we didn't even grow up in the same country.
  
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NeuroNeptunian

11 years ago

When you were younger, he was trying to get into your pants. Your cousin sounds like a swell, swell guy.

Not normal. Use protection.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  He wasn't very prudent, I agree. However, he was going through a difficult divorce, and he explains that as the reason he failed to control himself. And yes, we are very cautious about taking risks.
  
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  - NeuroNeptunian
    
    11 years ago
    
    I apologize but I don't see going through a divorce as being a good reason to attempt sex with a young girl. That does not explain why he failed to control himself, if anything it looks worse for him that he would tell you that his divorce makes it permissible to touch a young girl at his age.
    
    Be wary of him. The more you say about him the less of a reputable fellow he seems to be.
    
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SomeWierdos

11 years ago

Okay, I must admit that it is a little bit strange. I mean what if you had sex and accidentally got pregnant; thats something really serious to deal with. Also what if someone found out. So overall I think its a bad idea and you should tell him how you feel. If he is as nice as you say it is then it should be okay. :)

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Thanks, I suppose I should. It is just hard. Like I implied in other comments, I have formed some kind of weird emotional attachment where I crave his approval and can't tell him "no".
  
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  - NeuroNeptunian
    
    11 years ago
    
    That's not a good thing. You really need help. From what you are saying here (and on other posts) it looks like an older man that is taking advantage of a younger girl that has "daddy issues" (which is the best way that I can put it right now). You need to get some therapy or something like that because this man is not a good man. He knowingly forged a relationship with a girl who was too young to even separate love, sex and feelings of being under an authority figure and showing an authority figure obedience and that is just WRONG.
    
    This man does not have any good feelings towards you and is going to hurt you one of these days, more than likely if he is willing to cheat on a "girlfriend" he may be more than willing to cheat on a "wife". I know you think he is a good guy, and that is what he is having you believe to keep in your pants but trust me, he is putting you in danger by having sex with other women (which, protected or not, can be dangerous) and after knowingly taking advantage of a little girl is causing her emotional harm.
    
    Leave him, please. This guy is no good and will only bring you trouble down the road. If you were in "love" and he wanted a permanent relationship he would not be screwing around with other girls and trying to keep open relationships while assuring you that it is cool. Please see what I see. There is something very wrong with your situation and you need to leave.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      Wow. You really do seem to be a wise person. Kind of spelled out all my doubts and fears. Today we talked, him and I, and I kind of said I didn't think we could be sexual anymore, and then he said all sorts of things, made me cry, it was very hard to hold my stance or hang up. But really, I was 16 when I started, and as much as I feel guilty, that I have a part in all this, I wonder if in the beginning I really had a choice? Whether or not to fall in love with him...I had to keep a very dark secret, and therefore, he became the only person I could tell everything to. Pretty much overnight, he became my lover, my sole confidante, and therefore, my best friend.
      About "daddy issues" as insulting as it sounds, I have to agree, that I have never been close to my father, and it seemed incredibly sweet at first for him to be there to hug me, protect me, and call me his girl. Maybe all I wanted was a dad, and instead I got a paramour.
      And yes, I do fear that because he is willing to cheat with me, he would cheat anytime, anywhere on anyone. He says amazingly sweet things sometimes, so I am left confused again. Maybe I just need to not talk to him anymore.
      At any rate, I agree, that if he really loved me more than anyone and anything else like he says he does, he could be exclusive to me, or even move to some state and marry me. But yeah, the whole thing is fucked up anyway. Some days I hate myself for even wanting him to love me.
      Anyway, thank you. You seem like a genuinely nice person, and offered good advice. I hope I can stay strong. And you have a wonderful day!
      
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      - NeuroNeptunian
        
        11 years ago
        
        You have a good day too, please don't blame yourself for this. He has done a great job of gaining psychological control of you and you need to break yourself from him. You will not lead a normal life so long as you are psychologically dependent on him, and when he sees that he is losing control of you, of course he is going to try to say things that hurt you. People like him disgust me.
        
        Best of luck. I hope you take my advice to heart.
        
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thinkingaboutit

11 years ago

Sounds like you already got them feelings.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Well, I said he was "handsome" but I don't know any female who doesn't think he is handsome and charming. But yeah, seeing as we have been seeing each other for about 2 years, there are certain feelings I suppose. A mixture of love and resentment is more like it though.
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to have a purely sexual relation with my cousin?