Is it normal to have a man really love you but be mean

ok im at a loss he been home from being away for 5years and we have been through a lot together 16years he cheated 3x but stopped and used to treat me horrible this time i was raped when he was in prison he says cause at 19 i was raped to so he says i should heve none better i was in a bad area but anyway he has only been home 6mounths i did sleep with a guy i reget it i told him everything but lately he throws it in my face and ive been having some issues and i ask him to just help me by for once putting my feelings and needs 1st i always put him first but now i no i must work on me !lately hes been saying i treat him like shit i ask him please tell me what to do that i love him and talk to me but he says why am i starting with him im so frustrated he hurts my feelings and i try to act like i dont care when hes bein like that but ive seen hime cring all alone thats NOT LIKE HIM so he promised to write down whats wrong finally last night because yesterday he broke up the whole house knowing my mother was coming she worries cause he used to to some bad things drunk but hasnt in 8years so he broke a lamp his sister saw cause he tells his family i treat him like shit im tring to get off meds i got on and she was here and saw how he acted the evil stuff he said and said I WAS RIGHT NOONE WANTS TO GET INVOLVED but last night he said the reason he was cring and gets upset is he thinks i want hin to leave and i want another guy i told him i love him hes my soulmate and i wouldnt lead ANYONE ON IF I DIDNT WANT him id be real and not waste my time hes now again acting nuts saying get away from him all because his sister called saying her dad and her had a fight he just snapped on me for callin her 5 times to find out if she was ok so now hes bein mean again im tired to old for these games i love him so much but he wont talk to me i mean he plays vidio game and snaps for me talking WE DONT HAVE INSURENCE i think he needs meds but now im starting to feel .....he just told me cause after he was mean i tried to act like it didnt happen and he says STOP ACTING LIKE SHITS OK BUT WHEN I ASK WELL WHAT CAN I DO THIS OR THAT HE SAYS GET THE F AWAY FROM HIM WHAT DO I DO I LOVE HIM MAYBE HELL READ THESE COMMENTS AND WELL TALK i left him alone i wanna cry and scream and im going through a lot to im tring to change medicane s i take i do have sever anxiety im afraid to be outside is could it be he loves me and really believes i want to leave what do i do PLEASE