Is it normal to have a "fear of intimacy"?

69% Normal
9 Comments

So, I've always been a rather socially-awkward person, ever since I can remember. It wasn't as obvious when I was a kid, and I was a happy child until I was about 10 or 11. I had friends from both genders and was happy with myself.

When I started 5th grade I started getting picked on and bullied by people from my class, both boys and girls. They would physically and psychologically abuse me, and it only stopped when one day we had to move to a different city. But even though I was always "abused" by people from both genders, and even though girls are often more malicious and evil than boys, I always found it more difficult to forgive boys and to get along with them and make friends.

To this day, it remains the same. I can be a completely normal person when it comes to talking and socializing with women but with men I always get shy and avoid looking them in the eyes or talking to them because I'm afraid they're judging me the whole time. I've had some crushes on one or other guy but I've always got rejected, and that's just made it worse. And if a guy ever tries to get close or hug me/hold me (like, put his hands on my waist and pull me close or just touch me gently), I immediatly push him away because it's like I can't be close to him. It's like I can't trust men.
And what scares me the most is that, when I do find someone (if that ever happens, might not happen at all), I might not be able to be intimate with him... Because of my fear of being touched or held or maybe even kissed.

And now, it's getting frustrating. I'm 18, I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never been with a guy or been kissed. I've constantly ruined all the chances of hooking up or meeting guys because I'm constantly afraid of being judged, or that they won't like me (because I'm fat or dumb or ugly or something along those lines) or that they'll get too close. But I want to get through this, because it's kind of ruining my life.

Is this normal? What do you think has caused this? Have any of you ever felt like this?

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 61 votes (42 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Men are creepy anyway. But there is a real issue with many who have intimacy issues. I would seek out a psychologist. or at least do some research online.

    Perhaps your issue is the result of something bad that happened to years ago, that you have buried?

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  • buttons
    11 years ago

    This is completely normal for a 18 year old girl. Don't worry about it, if you open yourself up and take risks that you feel in your heart you should, this will not be a problem to a guy who deserves you. I was very much like you are, and now I have a boyfriend who started as a friend and loves me with everything and I do too! More than I every thought I could care for anyone. He actually LIKES the fact that I was the way I was, and am that much more special to him. So just let your heart guide you, it should be easier after you graduate and move out :)

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  • Anime7
    11 years ago

    Well, I've had my moments where I would completely dislike the female gender. Similar to how you couldn't trust men, I couldn't trust women. I'm 18 as well and haven't had a girlfriend or even kissed one.

    I think you're situation is mainly egocentric, you have to let go of your fears. I use to not trust women, but I let a couple into my life because I stopped caring. From my own experience I suggest just not caring about others and live your own life. Eventually people will enter your life and you won't have to fear them. Basically, if you let your fear go, then nothing will be holding you back. Intimacy can be scary but if you find the right person, everything will be fine.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Antimacy

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    • Thewomanizer
      11 years ago

      ??

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  • spazatikal
    11 years ago

    Maybe you'll end up becoming a lesbian, if guys scare you that much. I can help you out with that, though I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate it. ;)

    No, but seriously, you might want to consider hypnotherapy. I've never been, but I've heard that they can dig deep into your subconscious and help you with things like this.
    Good luck!

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    I'm going to say the most cliched line ever but... Theres someone out there for you. If the guy likes you enough, he will wait out your insecurities, and will make you comfortable around him. I have a slight fear of men to, which stems from nothing as far as I know. If I'm the only girl in a room with like 5 other guys in it, I get scared :P Even if it's a bowling alley, or a retaurant. So maybe it's normal, maybe it's not. But life will take it's natural course, don't waste your time worrying over it, cause that won't change anything lol

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  • dejaentendu!
    11 years ago

    Same boat, and almost 20!
    I mean I don't have a problem being touched to a certain degree, but even when a guy I REALLY like asks me out, I just scream no.
    I can't do it.
    I don't WANT anyone that close.

    You probably don't want anyone close enough to hurt you.
    And that is utterly normal.
    We're all just trying to make it through this mess the best we can.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I've got an epic fear of commitment...huge.

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