Ask Your Question today
Everytime my husband does something selfish or hurtful, I get this sinking feeling that we aren't going to make it and I made a mistake. Then the next day he can do something sweet and I feel like I married my soulmate! Is it normal to waver like this or am I too anxious or affected by my abusive past?
Last time I checked that's what a decent marraige sounds like. At least you guys aren't on the verge of a divorce. Enjoy it.
I too was in an abusive relationship, I have since married a wonderful kind man, he literally is the most considerate man I know, however, I sometimes am way to sensitive and get my feelings hurt! Now I'm not sure what you mean by selfish and hurtful, but sometimes I get upset over the certain "way" he says something, I found myself looking for things! Poor guy, I finally made the choice to really open up with him and let him know about the little things that in my mind were hurtful, turns out he was sad he had hurt me even though it wasn't his fault. So, I guess my point is, if he loves you and truly cares, he wants and needs to know about the things that hurt you. My husband now tries to think before he speaks to me. Don't get me wrong we're far from a perfect marriage, but it helps when the communication is there. You need to talk to your husband, tell him how you feel (not accusingly) then hopefully he's understanding. Good luck sweetie!
First, it depends on what he is >doing< that is selfish and hurtful. Are these really really minor incidents? He forgot to kiss you good-bye on the way to work, didn't compliment you on your appearance, was watching football instead of doing the dishes?
Somehow I don't think what you are calling selfish and hateful are these types of minor behaviours that you are just sensitive to because of your abused past. My hunch is that they are serious enough, and you are minimizing them because of your abused past.
Second, you know what abusers are like - the continuous cycling between nasty and abusive to remorseful & affectionate. Isn't this exactly what you are describing here?
Get on the phone to an assault or distress line, tell them what is going on, ask them for counselling services and get help around this and your past abuse.
U could be hovering over an abusive past but this is normal. Remember that the most important thing with your husband is communication. Sometimes we do things that hurt ppl but we had no idea because some people just don't realize wen they hurt people. Anytime something is done that hurts u u must communicate ur feelings right away. Waiting is only goin to make things build up and get worse. If u ever wanted to talk more I'm here for u. Don't give up! My aim is h0(zero)3facs
Maybe your husband did no harm and I disagree with blind faith 100%. There's no perceptive light in feeling bad for you, what about your husband? Maybe he feels you care too much. The saying goes 'a lady is only herself'.