Is it normal to hate the person whom you love?
Hello everybody,
I met my boyfriend 18 months back in my MBA classroom. I'm 24 and he 26, it was not love at first sight, but there was a mutual liking and respect. This later evolved into feelings for him. He wanted to be the closest person to me and extended his hand in friendship. Few phone calls evolved into regular late night calls, but in person we exchanged few words. To me felt like he was running away from me for some reason and it made me curious. He being extremely gentle and sweet, at one point made me fall for him. When I confessed my love for him, his reply was he was not ready for love now. Just because he suffered a Breakup. I had to go through a lot because of this, morning he would sound positive and evening he would say its not his thing, love and all won't work out. After somedays like this I made my decision to go away from him, at this point he came around and said he loves me.
I accepted it, and our love started to grow. He is extremely humble and polite to everyone. A very good person, soft spoken everyone in my college likes him. The more I got to know him, I learned he is short tempered. He too have negatives. He would get angry for anything and would hurt me back, even me hurting him was unintentional. He was extremely possessive of me, if I guy calls me pretty or good looking or fashionista that's my end of the day. But he loved me. I front of anyone he won't be ashamed to carefor my comfort and be by my side. Slowly, he started going away from his friends and be with me 24*7. Seeing this his friends also maintained a distance.
We would fight a lot, a lot means a lot. At one point for every fight I started saying breakup. This would hurt him like anything. He would be crying terribly and hurting himself. Unable to see him going through that much pain I go back to him quickly, at point I was fed up of this act. It was like iwas with him,just because he won't let me go. Honestly I also want him next to me all the time.
I was a good student in class,he the best. Our major in MBA is shipping. I come from computer engineering background and he a sailor. He is more familiar with the subject more than me. Even before we being in a relationship when we go to any competition or exam, he will stand first and me second. It was always I lose to him, only him. It has been 18 months, still its the same. Recently we had an interview, where the only person to be selected was he and the person to be kicked out was me in the final interview.
This constant failure has made me terribly sad. He has become my demotivating factor. The belief in me is like, with him by my side it will be a constant failure. This make me hate him. I know he can't be blamed. But somewhere I feel not good about this. What should I do? I feel my love for him is not as strong as his. If a breakup I will be able to move on but never forget him, but he won't be able to. But I'll miss him forever for I'm crazy about him. He is so good, loving and caring... Do we belong together?? What should?? Breakup??? Our parents know about us.