Is it normal to hate myself so much?

We've all been there... Questioning your actions, feeling angry, sad, depressed about things you could have done differently. But here is the thing... Usually psychologists boil the whole self hate thing down to "mommy didn't hug you enough" and I think it's absolute bullshit...

I was raised in a kind, loving and supportive family with wonderful parents that loved me and let me know that they were proud of me. I fondly think about everything they have done for me and wish to do the same for them in their elderly years. I wasn't bullied in school. Nothing out of the ordinary school conflict. I went to university and got a degree in economics and I have a good paying job with little stress and get 4 weeks paid vacation every year. I have a loving girlfriend who lives with me and is there to support me every step of the way and I love her dearly. I even managed to save enough money to start up my own business and bought a 1980s E24 635CSI BMW (dream car of mine), car guy thing...

But deep down I hate myself. I hate all the mistakes I've made, all the times I've been an idiot and made the wrong choice! I could have had enough money to retire by 30 if I played my cards right.

And it's the same thing every day. I would get up, think about how I hate myself on the way to work, work, lead meetings, talk to people and seal deals and on the way back I'd lose myself in fantasies about crashing into something at 200kmh and just ending this nightmare, but I know I could never do this. My parents and girlfriend would be devastated... I could never put them through such a nightmare. So I go home, I act normal, I have dinner with my girlfriend and we watch something together on tv and after she falls asleep, I drink whiskey. A couple glasses of Chivas, or whatever else we have lying around usually help me to get to sleep and numb the negative feelings. I would go to bed happy and relaxed. I'd sleep soundly, only to wake up to a new fresh hell...

And the worst part is that I was never like this. I was always an optimist. A go-getter, a dreamer who would surge forwards. But in the past 6 months, I have turned into a self-loathing mess. I hate this person, that I have become. I hate being this pathetic mess! I hate this me! I want to be the old me, the lucky, smiling sarcastic guy, but sadly he is gone. It's like this me is like a ghost that replaced the old me. Even the fucking classic car I bought doesn't bring me any joy. I had plans for it, I wanted to restore it an go on a Riviera trip with my girlfriend, but here it is sitting under a tarp for five months, while I continue this destructive loop... I've even neglected my Mercedes. Every summer, I would spend hours happily waxing and polishing it. This summer I skipped this little ritual. This summer while I was back home with my parents, I was sitting outside, while they were sleeping. A stray kitten came up to me and hopped on my lap and started purring. All I could do is look at it and break down and cry. Why would the poor little thing want to be with me?! I hate this me with a passion! I want to change, but I can't... I don't need pity. I don't want to talk to my inner child, or do yoga, or any of that junk! That's fucking nonsense!
I don't want to talk to my girlfriend, or parents, or anyone close about this, because I don't want them to worry about me. It's like I'm stuck on repeat in a never ending nightmare.
How do I get out of this hole? And is there anyone else with similar feelings? Please share.

If you made it this far, thank you and congrats!