Is it normal to hate my mom for a horrible childhood?

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Is it normal to hate my mom for a horrible childhood?
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I grew up with a selfish mom. Any man or men around were always more important them me and my sister. She was a partier There were always lots of people around she fed everyone and I never felt safe or protected. For my younger sister it was worse she was sexually abused alot more , I merely just got grabbed and inappropriate touched till I was old enough to resist. My mom didn't give a sh*t what happened to us as long as she got attention. We were always poor and she barely fed and clothed us. I was always insecure and scared. when I grew up I forgave that even though my sister was taken from her and i was left with her and her abusive boyfriend. when I got older she moved in after my husband died to help me sort of. But I learned recently how bad my sister had it and now i truly HATE her for mine and my sisters childhood and more. She is a horrible person that tries to make people including my sister think she is a good person. she is rude, annoying , dirty, abrasive, disrespectful and leaches off me and causes fights between me and my younger sister for her own twisted needy purposes. How can I do anything but dislike this women that let my sister be repeatedly molested and actually say it wasn't her fault she didn't know?to this day she says she did nothing wrong> we told her all the time ..why is this women defended by my sister? I know she doesn't deserve to be treated with reverence by my sister. My mom is nasty to me , my kids, my daughters boyfriend and even my new husband. living with her is hell. My sister defends her though. I dont understand this and I need her to leave and just not have her in my life. why is my sister defending the lies my mom tells? this is truly a crazy situation.

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  • ObsessedWithReedus
    10 years ago

    I normally don't leave long comments, so please forgive me if this one gets a bit lengthy, but I feel it is in need of a full comment to sort everything out.

    First off, it's not normal. What happened to both you and your sister when you were younger, the crash and burn lifestyle your ma lived, and the way she is treating you now; none of that is normal. It sounds like she had you two early in life and wasn't ready, or she is just not mature, or both. She sounds like she might have some problems with manipulation, pitting you and your sister against one other for her own benefit. It sounds like she might even have some dominance issues as well, how she treats you and your family like crap. How could she not know your sister was being molested, right in her own household by her "party friends"? She sounds like a damn liar too, on top of everything.

    As for why your sister is convinced your ma isn't that bad of a person, to the point that she is even defending her, I'm not sure. It's common for victims of sexual/physical abuse to put the blame on themselves rather than their abusers, it makes it easier for them to cope. Nobody wants to be labeled a victim, so they blame themselves in an attempt to not be seen as such.

    Now, to answer your title question; Yes, it is perfectly normal for you to despise your ma for all she has put you and your family through. People all around the world are stuck in situations similar to yours, and it sickens me, it really does. I wish you the best of luck and
    I hope you and your family's lives get better. :)

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