Is it normal to hate my feelings?

I've always considered myself a logical person. Things that can be clearly measured, calculated, and analyzed have always made sense to me and I took pleasure in these things, mostly because I understood them.

For a long time, I didn't think I had emotions. After a childhood incident, I chose to disconnect from them as much as possible. This was fine with me since they didn't make sense and just caused trouble anyways. I also eliminated trust at this point so I would never feel betrayal again.

I was never able to shut off some feelings like anger and hate, but they were always known quantities to me. Then came puberty and attraction, but that was a known quantity as well. Since I knew what to do with those feelings, they never really bothered me; I just kind of ignored them.

There's this guy I've been friends with for a long time. It used to be just a school aquaintance, but then it started to become something more. I started to care for him in a friendly sense, but this didn't bother me since I understood it. He had some dangerous pothead friends at one point which kind of worried me. I should've realized I was starting to care about him too much then, but I guess I was naiive.

As of lately, we've been hanging out more and he seems to always be in my thoughts. Most of those feelings I blocked out, trust, friendship, loneliness, they've all been coming back and I don't know how to suppress them again.

I've always hated my emotions because I never really knew what to do with them. It was always easier to just ignore them. Plus, I never really knew how to show emotions. I would always just find a way to drown them out and move on.

I don't know what this feeling I have for my friend is, but it's annoying It's always in the back of my mind, but no matter how much I try I can't figure out what it is. It doesn't seem anything like the other emotions I've felt before. It's really starting to piss me off. Is it normal for me to hate my feelings this much?