Is it normal to hate my brain?

Sounds like rumination, and OCD.

Yeah, a long time ago I felt the same and just wanted to get a fuckin lobotomy, I saw no other option! It does get better but you have to put in the work.

I could've written this myself. As a kid I went literal months like this. It was it's own "special" kind of torture. A Hell within my own mind that consumed me completely. No one understood either, nor did anyone really try to help me. I was expected to "get over it".

This still happens to me at times. I've been in physical pain lately, which GREATLY increased my mental pain as well. I've never been injured before, I really am surprised at how true the "mind and body" connection actually is. My injuries are healed now, so I'm feeling much better.

Yeah...Anyway, back on track. I just can't switch my brain off like that. I can't force it. I "need" to reason things out. Meditation helps greatly.(The app Headspace is amazing by the way! It helped get me started.) Thoughts can be like "crocodiles". Yeah, I got that from somewhere, Reddit I think. Can't remember the exact page right now. Anyway, when you meditate, you simply step out of the stream of your own thoughts and then you no longer have to wrestle with them anymore. Distractions and hobbies are great too.

Therapy is excellent advice. I've had many therapists, and only one of them truly understood me. Sadly it can be hard to find good help, but it is possible. Medication can be very helpful as well. Personally, I love Lexapro! There's many other antidepressants as well, each person is very different and responds to different things. I took the generic version Escitalopram 20mg off and on for years. It truly is a God send, it actually "fixed" me. Really, it did.

The negative is that yeah, most good things do come with at least some cost. My Escitalopram helped bring me peace, personally. It also numbed me a bit. Not a BAD thing, just not something I wanted to keep living with forever personally. I like taking the more difficult road. It's a part of me, I guess.

Human beings are inherently fragile creatures. It is not wise, at all, to push yourself in that way when you are at your weakest. I swear by my old crutches, I simply don't need them anymore because I'm learning how to "walk" again, so to speak. I MIGHT need them again, honestly. Fucked up things happen and we can't predict everything.

For what it's worth I haven't drank in 2 days and I feel pretty good lol. I know I'm kinda an "alcoholic" to some people who read my stuff. :P

Self-care is another obvious one. That includes people, hobbies, exercise, whatever. Groups dedicated to people with specific issues exist all over the world, to the point where they are almost countless. The internet is another great place if you're a germaphobe/agoraphobe like me. Good luck!

Intrusive thoughts or state rumination (you can use these words to search for ways to self-help), they are pretty common, but less common at a tormenting level. It is very common however for people to seek therapy or professional help for them.

I sound like a broken record, but I recommend therapy to everybody, whether they are in a tough spot or not, a good therapist can change your life and there should be local programs that can help at a more affordable cost as well.

Again me repeating myself, but staying busy both mentally and physically will even you out excellently. Too many people get caught on either working their physical body too hard, or working their mental game too hard (students and internet-folk fall into this). You need a balance, and you need to complete tasks you can physically see the results of.