Is it normal to hate how i've become?

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11 Comments

I am now regarded as an adult. There was never a specific age that I wanted to revert back to or be but I can't help but feel immensely unsatisfied by how I've become as a person at 20. I have much to achieve yet I feel as if I am still the immature brat who doesn't know any better. I now fear growing older, because I am someone who doesn't act her age.

What is it really to be 'mature'? When I was younger, i'd see the teenagers and say, whoa they're so grown up. Then why I became a teen myself I thought, HMM everyone is JUST LIKE ME and i'd look at the adults and think, WHOA THEY ARE SO MATURE. And i grew older and I find adults that can be just as childish and irresponsible. And i know it doesn't mean that I can be like that as well.

I've set up standards and how i aspire to be someone like that, calm and collected, think and act wisely. But I am not that sort of person. I am easily angered, impulsive and just plain childish.

I feel as if I am growing slow age-mentality wise. I don't think I should be 20, physically i look like i'm 15/16 but really i'm 20. And i keep telling myself that. I have to act mature. I have to be mature. I have to prioritize things.It's as if I grow older, the more I have to be more stoic and understanding, say and do good things while nodding sagely. Not in the matter of physical but the way i dress and present myself. i can't help but look like a kid to others. (I don't mind so much about looking youthful but I'd really like to have a mature disposition as well)

To be honest, I have no idea where i'm going with this post. But i just want to get it out that I don't like how i've become and I fear for myself in years to come.

Voting Results
86% Normal
Based on 50 votes (43 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    You're only 20, it's not a big deal, or even really a deal at all.

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  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    It's perfectly normal. Don't be afraid. What you're going through right now IS a transition into adulthood. It's one thing accepting they way you are, but wanting to change displays something mature about, right?

    I understand 100% what you are going through, because I am too. I think, as long you make conscious decisions to change the way you handle things, and to try to take more responsibility you will blossom into an adult. I know on my good days I feel so much older, and wiser, you just have to be committed to being a more ideal version of you. You seem like a smart girl and I think you're just as capable or more so than I am. Nothing should stop you.

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  • kelili
    10 years ago

    I'm eaily angered and impulsive too and I'm twenty six. Sometimes I act very childish too. You should just be what you are. Adults are just grown up child.

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  • yesnomaybeso
    10 years ago

    Why do you wanna act mature? You're only 20! You have plenty of time to act mature!!
    I'm also 20; I never thought of having to act mature. I never go too crazy and I don't enjoy seeing people going so crazy and immature but I wouldn't enjoy thinking I have to be mature all the time. I don't even consider myself as an adult though...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I've always thought adults are suppose to set a good example, and I still do. I just want to be the type that my younger siblings and relatives to look up to. :(

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      • yesnomaybeso
        10 years ago

        Well I guess its understable if you have younger siblings! But there are always other (and older) adults!

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    I feel the same way a bit less now than a few years ago but i feel myself reverting back to that guy i hate.

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  • Holzman67
    10 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly, I enjoyed reading your post. Your ability to convey your thoughts in a precise manner is quite mature!
    I'm 29 and I remember turning 20 and it was a big birthday in the scheme of things. I remember having similar thoughts to you. They say its just a number but when you turn 20 its definitely a shift, because its the end of your teenage years. You are in a transitional period, but don't fret the small stuff. Just remember that maturity comes through a wealth of experiences, so be open to experience new things. That's my advice.

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  • kingofcarrotflowers
    10 years ago

    From reading this you seem anything but immature

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  • thr
    10 years ago

    The difference in perception of adults from when you're a teenager/kid and when you're an adult, is something that has often been on my mind.

    Reaching some level of age probably isn't going to make you feel the way about yourself that you would have about someone your age when you were younger.
    In a way, grown-ups are just people who have lived to be old enough to be grown-ups.

    I do think that some ways of being immature can be embarrassing to see in an adult, but I don't quite understand why you have to act mature as in calm and collected. I can see how it can be a positive thing, as pertaining to how people view your person.

    I view being mature as sometimes being synonymous with being unimpressed and not fazed by life. Being calm and collected may be a good thing when viewing you from the outside, but emotional and impulsive may be more rewarding for you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      being 'calm and collected' is not the epitome of being mature, but to me it's a bit like that because i for one, am i person who acts on impulse(a lot; and it gets me into deep trouble), do things recklessly and i don't think things through. And I get excited over things not worth getting excited over.

      That's the first step i plan to take on being 'mature' in my way. But i find it hard to, being the person i have become.

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