Is it normal to hate an overbearing mother-in-law

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4 Comments

I've been dating my boyfriend for close to 3 years now. At first I thought it convenient that his mother paid his bills for him and when she'd babysit at his house she cleaned and did his and his kids laundry and would pick his kid up from daycare, all the things that i did not want to be responsible for especially so early in the relationship. But, then I had a baby with him and all of the sudden I felt like I was forced to "love" everything about his entire family. I'm not one to open myself up like that and "like or love" someone just because they are your friend or family. I'm extremely private. I have to get to know them and get close to them on my own terms.
I tried and did not "mesh" well with their personality types, he asked me to " fake-it" and "pretend". Again not something I should be forced to do.
My baby was born and her overbearing habits flooded into my life and my baby's. I know she has good intentions but, I have expressed my feelings to her on more than one occasion but, it's like I have to tell her with every little and big thing.
examples:
-she tried to give my baby a vitamin Rx meant for her other grandson, I was not happy about it she had to have known that because i'd keep giving the un-opened box back to her. finally I had to tell her "look, I'm not going to give my baby something that was prescribed to someone else and not to him by his doctor, especially something he can overdose on! So, please don't waste your time sending them home with your son". eventually she stopped and started with something else.
-she does my laundry, trying to be nice I guess, although her son and I have both told her I feel like that's an invasion of my privacy along with wondering about in our bedroom, yes- it is no longer just her son's it's also mine and I don't like her in there, I don't like anyone in there.
-she insists on sending these "care packages" home with her son daily, no joke, DAILY, of things that are half used and half eaten or things she knows I don't like my kids having so easily accessible i.e. candy, cupcakes, brownies, cookies, etc. not, that they don't ever get these things, they do, on an individual sized basis~ and the point being she completely disregards my parenting because she's older and has more experience and her kids are still living, can't do a gosh dang thing for themselves (everyone of them now 30+) but, i'm doing it wrong.
- there's so much more but, this is getting to long already.

I also think it's important to reiterate that I am an eldest child and have always been extremely independent and self sufficient and admire that in my daughter who will be 6 next month. My mother is there when I need her or ask for help, she's not stuffing it in my face on a daily basis. leave me to my own life, you've already lived yours let us live ours. I can not just sit back and let her blatantly disrespect me because she's an older person( she's like 50-something) or should I to suffice my man?

Voting Results
76% Normal
Based on 38 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • *~ThePurplePixie~*
    11 years ago

    Quite a lot of mother in-laws are controlling, especially when they live close by, or have some way of frequent contact.
    My husband's mother is always giving me advice on how to bring up my twin boys, and sometimes it's more than welcome, other times it's not.
    But your boyfriend's mum seems utterly over the top, and these ridiculous care packages are just overstepping a very thin line between caring and abusing.
    Have you ever considered talking to your mother in-law? Perhaps ask her why she does this, and why she feels that she needs to dominate her son in such a way. She may have her reasons, and they might not be completely unjustified.
    Good luck!

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  • joybird
    11 years ago

    I don't know why your bf doesn't understand you don't want the crap food for your kids. Tell him to throw it in the bin on his way home and not insult you with it.

    I think you did really well telling her straight about the vitamins! It's probably crucial that she doesn't have a key to your home - unless she's picking up kids for you. I don't know, I never had any help and think you might be glad of it with the kids. What about putting a lock in your bedroom door so that you can lock it when you go out and she can't go in?

    I think you'll find that she only hears what she wants to hear but if you pander to your bf's wishes and 'play the game' then she will continue to dominate you both. She still sees herself as more important to him than you are. Unfortunately, he will probably stick up for her ad you will be the baddie. Maybe he could go and visit her, instead of her coming to your home, if you don't need her at all.

    The very best of luck with her!!

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    I understand why you would be so unhappy with her. Trust me, it can be a pain in the ass to deal with those types.

    But you're still a part of that family. You chose to have a baby with this man and start a family with him, and often times, if you want the cow you have to deal with the whole farm, so to speak. I'm not saying that this makes what she does right. It's just something that you have to deal with.

    Also, look at it from her perspective. From the sounds of it, she is lonely and likes it when people depend on her and it sounds like your boyfriend needs her to care for his kids. Maybe she is like me and assumes that EVERYONE is incompetant.

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  • BearGrylls
    11 years ago

    I hate my wife's overbearing mother-in-law.

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