Is it normal to harbor feelings from an old relationship
3 years ago i was in a relationship that was fantastic, although we were not in the relationship for long because i had cheated on him. we had been seeing each other for some time. i for some reason have harbored feelings for him, although he has clearly moved on and i havent been sitting here waitinng for him. ive had other relationship but i guess i am somewhat plagued by him. theres so much history behind it that this is going to turn into a novel.. for which i apologize but i would really just like someones opinion who doesnt know him or i.
when i cheated on him i did tell him right away, and he was upset.. crying and such. his mother enoyed me so much that she convinced him to give me another chance. so i went to another party and my old ex boyfriend(we dated for 3 years off and on and had recently broke up a few months earlier) was there who was jealous and started kissing me and i didnt kissed back, but i knew that i should tell me recent boyfriend on the rocks before he found out from someone else. i probably wasnt ready for the new relationship but i thought i was, because it felt so right. after i told him about the kiss he decided that seeing each other would no longer work.. which i agreed to because i knew i had hurt him badly... i never intended to. he called me slut ungrateful gross all those things that come with not so great breakups through our last year in highschool, there was always tension and i tried to avoid him as much as possible. im pretty sure he was the last person in our school that knew i still admired him.
we had many mutual friends so we would be in the same place sometimes.. at one point my friend put gum and condoms on his car and he paintballed mine. theres so much back and forth to explain.. so ill cut it shorter... we were at the same party and we drank to much and ended up going back to his house which he used me i think most likely to get back at me for cheating on him but after we had finished he said i couldnt stay and walked me all the way to my house.. in those blocks we walked i was upset and spilled everything how i felt to, how he gave other girls that he dated other chances that had previously cheated on him.. to things that happened at school, he had nothing to say. i think that he was shocked that i still had these feelings a year later..and perhaps he didnt care. im not making up scenarios in my head either or building it up because people would comment on how he acted towards me and 3 years later i am stuck in the same sort of situation not as smitten and not as bad as before, but still thoughts every once and awhile.
he has a girlfriend now, yes one thats cheated on him.. but they have been together for some time i hear and i am happy that he is happy and that something is working for him. i would never want to ruin anything for him, we are supposed to be in the same place tonight, and his gf might be there. im bugging hard and i know i could not go but i already said yes and if i bailed everyone including him would know why. IS THIS NORMAL? to feel like this, i guess have a certain soft spot for someone that has hurt you badly and you have hurt badly. any tips or opinions would be helpful. feel free to share your stories. if you made it through all that thank you for reading! i guess it takes 24 hrs for these to go through so i will have already gone to the party, ill fill you in if your interested..