Is it normal to go to a party?

I was at a party at a sorority house at my college, and had imbibed a fair amount of alcohol. Due to said intoxication, I decided it would be a good idea to write my name (my full name is 20 letters) in urine all over the wall of the fence directly outside of the house. So I proceeded to have six more beers for fuel for the spray and forced myself to not relieve myself even though I felt like I was going to rupture my own bladder. I head outside and steady myself against the fence, take out my "pen", and begin to write. I was doing quite well actually with a good amount of accuracy, and had pissed all over 16 letters. I was on the home stretch, but was running out fast. When I got to the 18th letter, I knew the tank was almost empty...so I started to push harder to get those last drips out. Turns out that pressure down there, whether it's intended to force excretion out the front or the back, will force it both ways without mercy. I end up sharting so viciously I yelped out of pain and fell against the fence, covering myself in aforementioned urine. So there I am; shitfaced drunk and covered in feces and piss, and what happens? A rush of sorority girls bust out the door en route to the bar strip. I'm shocked and know that I need to save face somehow, so I begin army crawling away behind the building, but in the process squeeze the poop that was previously contained in the buttocks region into the perineum (read: gooch) and all over my testicles and penis, and covering the front of my shirt with dirt (the least of my worries at the time). Thankfully I avoided the public scorn that would ensue if they had noticed me, but at this point I'm so ashamed and upset with myself the beer tears start flowing. I call my friend who is still in the party and explain to him the situation, hoping to God that he would come help me. Instead, he cuts the music and announces to the entire party that I am outside crying because I shit and pissed all over myself, and I hear him do this. Snap reaction: I close the phone and get up and start running down the street toward my house, shit flowing down my legs and onto my ankles. I'm fucking kicking shit off my heels onto the back of my shirt and head. Thankfully I see no one else on my run home, but holy shit (pun intended), it was close. Finally I got home and disrobed in the middle of my kitchen and took the most shame-filled shower of my life. To this day I deny it because no one actually saw me and I maintain that I was joking when I called my friend...but I know he knows I wasn't lying. He heard the tears.