Is it normal to get off to your crush?

I have a close friend who I am absolutely crazy about. First of all I am gay and he is straight so it could never work out. I've tried pursuing this with no success. Anyway, I've liked him since the moment I met him. When we first started hanging out I was already beginning to have a crush on him. At this time I was still in the closet so he didn't know I was gay which is funny because he started this inside joke that we were dating. Like he would hold my hand and shit and say cute things to me but it was only infront of other people. It was a joke obviously but that didn't mean I didn't think it was hot. I really fucking liked it, a lot. I remember we saw a movie and we held hands off and on the whole time. I know this sounds totally middle school but I was so far in the closet that I had never stepped up to bat let alone make it to first. This was some high calibur shit. After the movie I went home to go to bed and I should have just gone to sleep but I couldn't stop thinking about how crazy I was about him. I touched myself. I jerked off to the thought of myself having sex with him. I saw him the next day and we got pancakes. We talked about life and shit and I played it cool acting like I totally didn't just bust a nut to the thought of his dick in my ass less then 10 hours prior. Playing it cool is something I got really good at. I kept doing it. Soon I started coming out to my friends and peers about my sexuality which so far has been good. I told my friend and he was and still is super cool about it but needless to say the fake relationship did come to an end. But I never stopped liking him. Eventually I admitted to him that I had a crush on him. He was cool about it. Intrigued actually. He asked me what I liked about him and telling him how cute he was drove me crazy. He even let me feel his stubble after that lol. When I whack it to him its not all sexual it feels deeply emotional and I'm addicted to the way it makes me feel. Sure an orgasm is nice but it only feels so good because I like him so much as a person. I close my eyes and I imagine I'm looking straight at him and we are just talking hugging. Kissing. Fucking. It's all the same. Love. But it's not real. I'm creating a fake reality and it's making the real one practically unbearable. I know I've fucked up and I can't quit it. I'm in love and it hurts. Is this normal? Has anyone ever fallen in love this way? I know it's weird and I'm not proud of it but I need help. Thanks.