Is it normal to get obsessed over someone so easily?

82% Normal
25 Comments

I recently met this guy. We have a lot in common and we get along very well. It's not often that someone like me finds someone, well...... like me. We have the same views on life and development and reaching a level of spiritual understanding in the world we live in. It's boggling my mind because I have never felt this way for anyone before. We connect on such a different level than anyone I've EVER known. I feel he could possibly be the one.

The problem is, we've been talking a lot during the past week, and I feel I'm becoming too attached. I think about him a lot and I get online whenever I know he is off work or whenever I know he will wake up. I just want to talk to him as much as possible because it's the highlight of my day. I sometimes refuse to sleep because we're having such a good conversation with one another.

I feel like a creep. He doesn't seem to mind how much we talk, but he has had a hard time coming to terms with a break up years ago. I'm not sure he's ready for a relationship, never mind him being ready to feel for someone else. He's one of the only guys I've thought of sexually. I understand I need to hold that aside until we become more comfortable with one another, but it's hard when my emotions are so strong. I've ever been good at being reserved!

I don't know whether to keep following the emotions I'm feeling, or to give him space and wait for him to decide if he's ready. Him and his ex have been broken up for two years now. Do you think it's time for him to move on? Should I tell him how I feel or wait to see if he feels the same? I've helped him overcome a lot of emotional troubles and he seems happier with life. I'm just not sure if he thinks of me as a good friend, or something more.

is it normal I want to talk to him so much? Should I continue or should I give him space?

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 67 votes (55 yes)
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Comments ( 25 )
  • shuggy-chan
    11 years ago

    another one of my undying fans i see

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      You're just so perfect.. :\

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      • shuggy-chan
        11 years ago

        lol, anyway, its normal, i tend to do the same, but for the sake of your heart, you have take more control of you feelings even if it more lying to yourself then anything else. it tends to be the faster you fall, the harder you hit, when you hit the ground

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          That is exactly what I was thinking.. I just wanted to be sure that's not the crazy course of action.

          Well, it could still be, but it still seems like the best route.

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          • shuggy-chan
            11 years ago

            Well how long have you both been close?

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              11 years ago

              We've known each other for at least a year now but only recently have we been learning each others interests. It has honestly only been about a week, but we talk close to 10 hours a day, sometimes more. I know he realizes how alike we are but I don't think he's looking for something more.

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  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago

    At least you know the guy you're obsessed with.

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  • mixwell
    11 years ago

    Just make sure youre not being too clingy because thats one of the biggest turn offs and a sure way to make him run far away from you.

    Guys can pickup on clinginess so maybe chill out a little, you don't have to talk to him every day

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    It obviously varies from person to person but I think two years is long enough to get over someone. I joined this site immediately after a big break up and gave myself a year in which to get over it. In the end, it took fifteen months, but I probably could have dated before then. The fifteen months was to get back down to zero baggage.

    Actually, during the early part of that fifteen months, I did have a fling with someone I'd known a few years and who was unhappily engaged. It was purely physical, though, and could only ever be because I was still recovering emotionally.

    I think, in your case, it's time you either tell him, or at least start being closer with him, maybe subtly romantic. Being out of a relationship for two years made me less confident about approaching people but when people show they are interested, all the old blarney came flooding back.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I always enjoy your comments on my posts. Thank you. It sort of gives me a look through his eyes. Two years to me is a long time because it has never taken me more than a year to get over a long lasting relationship. I suppose the amount of time it takes to heal depends on a lot of different factors.

      I know he has said she was the love of his life. Problem is he said she's still the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep. I don't want to get in the middle of that sort of mess.. This may be more than I can handle. I don't want to conflict his emotions by tossing mine in there too.

      I also just found out we share the same PIN for our bank card. That's definitely a bit odd.

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      • dappled
        11 years ago

        Aww, well, thank you. Most people don't tend to reply. Two years seems a long time to me, too. The fifteen months was my longest but, as I said, I'd have been okay after a year, perhaps even less (and this was with a very emotionally messed-up relationship that affected me deeply). I'd accept it taking two years to get over a ten year marriage but that doesn't sound the case here (although I've never been married so I may be talking rubbish).

        How often do you talk about his past relationship and how much time do you spend discussing things that are personal to the two of you? I'm wondering whether talking about the past more often than it deserves to be talked about would keep him rooted there. Also, whether it's become habit for you two to talk about this stuff. He might see you as his support, when you really want him to see you as support plus other things too.

        You don't sound like a creep, by the way. Quite the opposite. It sounds like you're considerate enough to think about the situation and to try to do the right thing. Nothing more can be asked of you than that.

        P.S. She's only the love of his life "so far". :)

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          Well, I'm a talker, what can I say. Plus, you were helpful thus far, why not continue?

          We actually just opened up to one another and told each other our past and how things that happened when we were younger affects us today. He has told me about his ex and their relationship. I made it a point to talk about it more and tried to open him up more to it. I wanted to make him feel comfortable talking about it. How does one go from the support to support plus?

          Recently we have been talking in depth about a number of important things to us. Spiritual enlightenment is a big common factor in our relationship. We're both showing each other things we didn't see before.

          Aw, thank you! That made me smile. You're very helpful!

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          • dappled
            11 years ago

            Well, that's the tricky bit I guess. How people get into relationships is different for different people. The last person I was in a relationship with, we were friends who drifted closer. It's rarer for it to happen like that, though.

            Having said that, the way you describe your relationship as it is, there sounds like a lot of closeness between you and a bit of a bond. Maybe he already feels something but is scared of being hurt again (understandable).

            I know this will sound like a cop-out answer but trust your instincts. You come across as self-aware and that you see the world as it is. It sounds to me like you've got good instincts and I'd hate to give you any specific advice when you'd pretty much guaranteed better off going with what you think. Oh, and best of luck, of course. I never know how many of these stories have happy endings but I always hope no news is good news and that people are just off being happy. :)

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              11 years ago

              Unfortunately, there is no happy ending. We are still friends, but he does not want to pursue any sort of relationship. He is focusing on getting his life straightened out before he lets anyone else into it. I respect that.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              11 years ago

              Thank you for all of that. I will trust my instincts and try to not met my emotions become too overbearing.

              If something positive comes out of this, I will be more than happy to share!

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  • TheSecret
    11 years ago

    Give him some space, let him tell you how he feels first. Give yourself some space from him, because you might be blinded. By that I mean when you first meet someone that you start to really like and waterer, you kind of see things falsely. Like you sometimes may not see who they truly are.. especially if you're talking to him mostly over the internet. The internet can give an extremely false perception of a person.

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  • redoctober
    11 years ago

    oh god.. an online love affair..

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  • Dot123
    11 years ago

    I got obsessed over your mom so easily.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I'm glad he doesn't know her, he probably would too. She's quite the fox.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Two years is an awfully long time for most, I think. It depends entirely on the person though. The relationship I'm currently in, if I left tomorrow, I think I'd feel perfectly fine within 24 hours. But I've also been so in love that the pain of separating lasted well beyond what I thought was "normal." Each person and situation is different; there is no set amount of time a person should be expected to move on in.

    Be honest with him about how you are feeling, especially if you consider him a friend first - friends should be honest with friends. It doesn't have to be a full-blown confession either, just a simple direct sentence is all that is needed and see how he responds. Persist with small explanations after that if you don't think he's catching on.

    If he doesn't feel the same, reassure him you won't allow it to affect your friendship, but you thought you should bring it up in case he felt the same.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I agree, but it was his first love. He had a hard life so when he got something good, he threw all of his eggs into the basket. When it ended, he was left with nothing because he didn't know anything else. He relied on her to make him happy for over two years then suddenly he had no one to lean on.

      I usually drop hints and test the waters without realizing it. It's why I'm so worried about coming off too strong, for the amount of time we've gotten to know one another.

      Thanks for the advice. I'll try to give it more time to get to know him then decide how to go about talking about it.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        Ouch. First love, that's a toughie, eh. He could be a little more delicate about moving on than average then. Hopefully, he's not just using you as a personal sounding-board. If possible, you could start limiting the amount of discussion you are having with regard to his ex; as in, keep it to less than 5% of your total conversation topics.

        Talking about a past relationship with someone who could potentially be a new romance is normal, especially discussing the pros and cons of from the point of view that it was a learning experience. However, sometimes when people are clearly not over a past relationship, they try to keep the feeling of love alive in their heart by obsessively talking about it with a willing listener. If you want a romantic connection with him, you don't want to be this listener.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Let me guess. You're just some fat ugly chick who's finally got some attention from a guy and now he means the world to you. How pathetic.
    Well guess what! You're gonna get rejected! Like most ugly fat weirdos out there.
    The good news is, you can still get a cat.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Since when do you have to be fat and ugly female to like attention from a guy?

      Keep the trolling to yourself; there's no self esteem problem on my end of the computer, but I can sense one coming from your end.

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    • kelili
      11 years ago

      Why? It's sad, really sad.

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