Is it normal to get into relationships out of feelings of obligation?

52% Normal
4 Comments

I am a people pleaser and I tend to do things not because I want to, but because others think I should. I have folks in my life that I have come to care a great deal about,but before I got to the point were I care about them, they are people I would consider a nuisance to be around,we have nothing in common, not ideals, interest, beliefs, characteristics,etc . These people come into my life, usually, through another friend we have in common, but I end up being someone they confide in and see as a friend. I don't have the heart to tell them to leave me alone, and that I don't wish to be their friend, so I treat I them as friends and over time my concern and care for them becomes genuine. I don't want to go through life as a person who develops false relationship.(I also do this in my dating life)What should I do so not to keep making this mistake in the future?

Voting Results
52% Normal
Based on 21 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • imnd80
    13 years ago

    I dated a guy like you, I really got to like him a LOT, he was always so sweet, understanding and always seemed so happy to see me. Then he dumped me, all of a sudden. He is a people pleaser, like you, and was dating me only because he though that made me happy. But he broke my heart to the point I wished I had never met him. Trust me on this, truth can be brutal but lies and deceits can cause some long term damage to a man's (or woman's) heart.

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  • askcherie
    11 years ago

    Obligation stems from a need in childhood to be accepted, to be liked, to be thought well of and encouraged. We all have it to some degree depending on our strategies for coping.

    Understand that the people you interact with should be grateful to be around YOU not the other way round and slowly when you value yourself in this way (not conceitedly) but from a place of self worth - you will attract people who are interested by you and you wont have to do a thing.

    Work on telling yourself every morning how beautiful and amazing you are and how much you love and value yourself, it will feel weird for a while but after ten days you will notice a pattern change. This is a scientific fact stemmed from Neuro linguistics. change the thoughts, change how people see you... change your life. All you have to do is care more about yourself and the rest will fall away. Please trust me.

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  • dunder8mifflin
    13 years ago

    I once went out with a girl in high school out of obligation. She confided in me and told me how her ex-boyfriend broke her heart. We became good friends and she soon wanted to be more than friends. To make a long story short I came to realize that she was a lot more serious about the relationship than I was almost to the point of obsession. I knew I had to get out but I too was to afraid to muster up the courage to tell her the truth. I began avoiding her in school, and when she finally confronted me about my behavior I had no choice but to tell the truth. I could see that she was devastated and I could not forget the way I made her feel. A few weeks later she left the school and I knew it was my fault. Sometimes not wanting to tell the truth can really have horrible consequences.

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  • Ldizzy1234
    13 years ago

    I've been in your position before, but I must say... it's wrong.

    I'm with what imnd8o said. You should never feel obligated to a relationship, especially if their's nothing there. You would be doing more harm then good. And even though you might be making yourself feel a little better by making the other person happy, in the end the truth is gonna tear them apart.

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