Is it normal to get angry because my baby can't go to a wedding?

29% Normal
50 Comments

My best friend is getting married. She told me that the ceremony and the party will be only for adults. I thought I could still take my baby, since he is only 4 months and wouldn't take any space, eat the food or anything.

Yet, my friend insisted that my baby can't come.

I do understand my friend, but I do feel a little angry too. I haven't separated from my baby since he was born, and I think it is kind of cruel to ask me to just leave my baby for a day.

So, is it okay for me to keep insisting to my friend to allow me to take my baby?

Voting Results
29% Normal
Based on 120 votes (35 yes)
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Comments ( 50 )
  • wigsplitz
    11 years ago | pl

    Babies cry. Babies annoy other guests. Babies will take away attention from the bride and groom in many ways.

    If she lets you bring your baby, then why can't everyone else's baby come too?

    She wants adults only and there's absolutely NOTHING unreasonable about that. Either get over it or don't go. It's her day and you don't have the right to be upset over this.

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    • VioletTrees
      11 years ago

      I completely agree. Besides, a wedding is something where you're allowed to ask things of guests that you normally wouldn't, such as travel long distances. As such requests go, "Don't bring your baby" is really easy and reasonable. Hell, all my wedding guests had to buy a cruise to go to the wedding (we were allowed to have a few exceptions, but we reserved them for members of the wedding party, friends who are ill, etc), and I'm told that I was a very laid back bride.

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    • Avant-Garde
      11 years ago

      You hit the nail on the head.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    You need to distance yourself from your baby sometimes. Enjoy yourself

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  • americanhoney
    11 years ago | pl

    Stop asking to bring your damn baby.

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    • Ibelievethis
      11 years ago

      It's a bit harsh to say damn baby. Regardless of where anyone stands on this matter. It certainly isn't the fault of the baby is it? He/she isn't asking to go the wedding. x

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  • CraneyCrow
    11 years ago | pl

    No one wants their wedding ceremony or reception ruined by a screaming baby. You should be ashamed of yourself for even suggesting taking an infant to such an event. If you can't understand this and keep hounding your friend to allow you to bring your baby, you're not much of a friend and she and everyone else will be better off if you stay home with your baby! I try not to get angry when giving advice, but it really pisses me off that you could be so inconsiderate!

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  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago | pl

    When I think wedding, I think open bar. Open bar plus infant equals no no.

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago | pl

    No, it's not ok for you to keep insisting. Your friend has decided she doesn't want children at the wedding, which is a very common thing to do, and it's not nice to pressure her and add extra stress to the wedding planning.

    I realise that it's difficult for you to be separated from your baby, but it's something you're going to have to learn to do. Babies grow. Very soon, your baby will be a toddler, and he's is going to be exploring the world in a very big way. Then, it won't be fair to him or you to refuse to be separated from him, because it can make anxiety when he HAS to be separated from for a little while you much, much worse for both of you. You have to learn to let go sometimes. Think of this as practice.

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  • NocturnePonyFan
    11 years ago

    This is your friend's big day, not yours. It's completely reasonable for her to ask you to leave your baby with a sitter or family member. If you don't want to leave your baby, then you don't have to go to the wedding. But babies can be very disruptive (which is normal, and completely natural for a baby), and it's within your friend's right to ask for no babies to be invited to her wedding.
    Again, this is her day. Not yours. You need to stop insisting, before she decides to un-invite YOU to the wedding.

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  • BurnaBaby27
    11 years ago

    Hey, I have a baby. I love babies. But, I totally agree with wigsplitz.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    Well it's her day. As wigsplitz say, babies cry and refocus attention. It's all about her and her groom, that's the focus of the day, it's not about you so if you don't like that then don't go.

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    I don't think many will agree with you on that. Perhaps you need to think if you are ready to be separated for the day from your new born. If not that's OK - but don't hold it against your friend.

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  • pinky123
    11 years ago

    nobody can have a good time with a crying baby around.You're being unreasonable.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    No. Kids can be a pain in the ass and it will surely take the attention away from your friend and her big day. Stop badgering her about it when its quite clear that she has made up her mind. There's nothing wrong with taking time away from your baby, every parent needs a break from time to time. Just get a babysitter and go to her wedding and have fun.

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  • SangoNyappy
    11 years ago

    Don't worry it's just one day and if you have dependable friend or babysitter he should be ok.

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  • Ibelievethis
    11 years ago

    As mentioned on numerous occasions (It's getting boring now) I do not expect people to agree with everything that I say but I find it strange that I got the thumbs down for saying I can see where someone is coming from.
    Now I am a big girl who can take that not everyone will not like what I say. but my comment was not abusive to anyone just assertive. I have seen comments on this site that are full of disgusting bad language and yet their comment is not deemed as inappropriate. I find it astonishing that I have had my comment hidden for saying "I agree with someone".
    By hiding my comments you are not going to make me go away as the more people that do not want me here I will stay and the more you try to shut me up the louder I will shout. No doubt this comment will probably be given the thumbs down as well but at least I have got my point across. xx

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Get rid of that skank! if your baby can't come than you can't either. Screw that Beyotch!

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  • robbieforgotpw
    10 years ago

    Leave the baby at home or don't go to the wedding

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  • Mersaphe
    10 years ago

    Babies cry, you don't want you to be known as the lady whose crying baby ruined the whole wedding.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    Bringing your child is like bringing your dog to places. Some people would not want a dog at a wedding and they are a real hassle. You have to make accommodations and they make a mess and babys cry.

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  • lizieralizard
    11 years ago

    I am a VERY ATTACHED mother so i can understand where u are coming from, BUT, its HER WEDDING. dont get mad about it. this is a day she has been planning for god only knows how long. plus if she lets you bring your kid then she has to let everyone and that is just not the way she envisioned her special day. Dont be mad at your friend. just make the decision either way...

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  • zerosidedstar
    11 years ago

    Omg cut the cord! Clearly you dont work, have hobbies, how do you have friends? Its her day NOT YOURS. If she doesnt want a wailing baby there to ruin people enjoying themselves that is her right! Its not healthy to be so obsessed with a baby that you cant get a baby sitter for a few hours. How about you just dont go?

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    11 years ago

    Thanks for all your comments. I appreciate your different views about the issue, though, I would like to hear opinions from more mothers. I know it is easy to judge when you don't have kids. I was like that too before. But being a mother is just something that makes do and think stuff you never thought you would. I changed a lot, maybe I am more irrational now... but I simply can't help it...

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  • Ibelievethis
    11 years ago

    Absolutly you're right to be angry. Any occasions that I have been invited to I have always taken my daughter with me and if she hasn't been welcome then I have politly declined the invitation. I come as a package not an individual and for me it is case of love me love my baby. xxx

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    • CraneyCrow
      11 years ago

      So if you're invited out for drinks at a bar and the bar doesn't allow children, you would be angry because you couldn't take your underage daughter to a bar?

      There are some places children do not belong. Also, it's not good for a mother to be with a child absolutely ALL the time. Children need to get used to being away from their mother in order to be well-adjusted. What if you died? Just think of what would happen to your daughter if she had NEVER been separated from you before even for short periods of time and she was suddenly separated from you forever. Don't you think she would be able to better deal with the situation if she had been separated from you at times?

      Whether you like it or not, you and your daughter ARE individuals, you're not joined at the hip and you need to acknowledge this and the fact that something could happen to separate you from your daughter forever and because of your selfishness, you would leave a maladjusted little girl in the world. Parents are supposed to do what is beneficial for their children, not what they (the parent) wants.

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      • Ibelievethis
        11 years ago

        My reply is not about me changing your views as I have no right to equally though you have no right to change my views.
        You do make some good points and I do understand that there are certain places that you just would not take children to. I am not saying I would take my daughter to an underage bar and get absolutly hammered. I have no problem with getting my mum to look after my little girl while I go out with friends because you are right we are individuals and love my daughter as I do I need that break as she sometimes needs that break from me. However all I meant was if my child was not welcome at an event where children could go to say a wedding for eg. I am afraid if I have to choose between my friend's wedding or my child then there is no contest! I believe that if we don't allow children to have some interaction in the adult world how will they learn how to socialise with adults. (that's just my beliefs though) I know children can get biosterous and playful but that's what kids do. They're full of energy and wonder and fun.
        I do not accept however your comment about me being selfish. Well perhaps I am on a personal level. I mean I have climbed all over people to get to where I am and will keep on climbing over people to get even further and I feel no guilt at all. However. I am a good mum. No I am not a perfect mum but who is. As a mum have made my errors but you show me a mum who hasn't. Also my daughter is very used to being seperated from me as i went back to work when she was a few months old. I had a choice I could have stayed home but I chose not and I some people may even call that selfish as some believe a mother should not work and be there all the time for her child. I think it should be a personal choice though. x

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        • NocturnePonyFan
          11 years ago

          "! I believe that if we don't allow children to have some interaction in the adult world how will they learn how to socialise with adults." This is VERY true. But, you still don't get it, do you? This is HER FRIEND'S big day. It's not her responsibility to make sure her friend's child is getting socialization experience.

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          • Ibelievethis
            11 years ago

            Thankyou for your reply. While yes you're right it is not her friends responsibility to make sure that her friends baby gets social interaction. However by the same token your loyalty always lies with your children.

            It's not that I "don't get it". It's just that my views still stand. x

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            • NocturnePonyFan
              11 years ago

              I will not disagree with that one bit. When you are a parent, your first priority has to be your child. I still believe she is being entitled to keep insisting that her child be included. For all we know, there could be other people who want to bring THEIR kids to the wedding, too. It wouldn't be fair to invite one person's kid without inviting the others. So, in the end, it's the mother's responsibility to find other options: find a family member to babysit for the night if she REALLY wants to go, or stay home with her baby. Both are valid options, unless she has no family members or something.

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        • CraneyCrow
          11 years ago

          If all you want is a forum to express your views, then you're in the wrong place. You should create a blog without a comment section and then you can say whatever you like and no one can disagree with you. On this site, people comment and other people respond. That's what this site is all about.

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          • Ibelievethis
            11 years ago

            Where have I ever said that I do not like people disagreeing with me. In actual fact sometimes it's healthy to disagree as it helps to see things from other people sides. As I have prevoisly stated I would never try and change anyone's views as I would never allow anyone to change my views. My user name was obvouisly chosen because I believe in what I say.

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    • Mando
      11 years ago

      Well said.

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      • Ibelievethis
        11 years ago

        Thank you for your kind words and support. it's nice to get a reply where someone can see where you're coming from. xx

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        • Mando
          11 years ago

          Yeah people here use the voting up/down to register agreement/disagreement. It is not about who you agree with or think is right.
          It supposed to be for helpful and funny versus (down) inappropriate in bad taste.

          It is kind of annoying especially in situations like the OP is in were there isn't a right/wrong answer.

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  • americanhoney
    11 years ago

    Lol mando. You sound like a jaded, bitter woman who either never had a wedding, or had one that was really shitty.

    Get off your soapbox pleeeeassseeeee you're so much cooler down here with the rest of us.

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  • Ibelievethis
    11 years ago

    I have to jump in here again. I know these posts are all about opinions and thoughts but I can not believe how many people have crticsised (sorry terrible speller) this mother. She feels her baby is being excluded and yes I know the bride will have her reasons but as a mum she is bound and allowed to feel some upset. xx

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    • disthing
      11 years ago

      Then she should do as you say you would and decline the offer.

      Not every event is baby friendly. A real friend would understand how a baby could spoil the ceremony and either decline the offer to attend the wedding or arrange to have a sitter for that day. It's not a personal attack on the mother or child.

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    • NocturnePonyFan
      11 years ago

      This has absolutely nothing to do with criticizing her or bashing her baby. The fact of the matter is that she is acting quite entitled. Like there aren't other parents wanting to bring their kids to the wedding, as well. It would be one thing if she asked a couple of times, but she's continuing to insist that her baby be included.
      Nobody is saying she doesn't have a right to be angry. She is allowed to feel any way she wants. Heck, if I was attached to a kid of mine, I'd be wanting to take it everywhere. But I wouldn't keep being an entitled person if I was told my kid couldn't come somewhere. I might ask a couple of times, but, in the end, "no means no", and I'd either leave my kid with a trusted family member, or I'd skip the wedding and watch the video footage later on. But if she continues to ask and insist she bring her baby, I can guarantee you that her friend's no longer going to even give her the option.

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    • Mando
      11 years ago

      Yeah some of this is harsh I agree. And it is her best friend's wedding so she's torn. Too bad they couldn't compromise - like just go to the service and skip reception ....

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      • CraneyCrow
        11 years ago

        My problem with this mother is her selfishness and sense of entitlement. A wedding is all about the bride and this woman is trying to make it all about her. What if the baby starts crying when the couple is exchanging their vows and drowns out what is being said? This would not only ruin the "moment," it would also ruin the wedding video. This woman is thinking only of herself and what SHE wants. If this woman is the bride's best friend, I wouldn't want to encounter one of her enemies!

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        • Mando
          11 years ago

          I guess you're saying that for this bride a wedding that is an all-quiet-on-the-set kodak production is more important than communing with friends and family (with children). Bridezilla is the name of the game these days but I don't think it makes those whose feelings she's trampled selfish.

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          • NocturnePonyFan
            11 years ago

            Why are there people on here bashing the bride for not allowing kids to HER OWN WEDDING? It's one. night. She's not asking the lady to neglect her kid for a week. People want their wedding to be perfect. It's a normal thing. It's NOT to much to ask that a wedding be baby-free.

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            • Mando
              11 years ago

              This is one reason I hate modern weddings. They are commercial photo ops for selfish queen-of-the-day women. They are not about connections with family, friends and community.

              No. The mother of a new-born is not acting "entitled" for simple asking to bring her child to - of all things - her best friend's wedding. The bride is entitled to say no but having done so, shows little regard for friendship or children.

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