Is it normal to get a lot of abuse from your mother

39% Normal

Hello another daughter who also has major issues with her mother! I don't understand her problem with me she can go weeks and be fine but then blows up and turns verbally abusive on me i am 24 and a student so i still live at home as the university i attend is around the corner from my home so it made no sense for me to move. I work on weekends and on any spare days free from uni. However every time i have a holiday from university my mother blows up, and calls me lazy and a disgrace for not doing the housework. My point towards this issue she has with me is the fact, that when i am on my holidays from uni i have masses of work loads to complete so i am actually not "lazing" about, my 2nd point to her issue is that, yes i may not do her, my step dads, and my brothers washing, ironing, cleaning etc but when she does the housework (rarely), she leaves mine out therefore i have learnt over the years to do all my own washing cleaning ironing, hoovering etc myself, and no item of mine is ever left outside of my bedroom so if or when the remains of the house is untidy it is not any of my stuff and it is usually my mothers own things which are lying about! She has also never included my room to hoover when she Hoovers the entire house as well as leaves out all my other general housework things mothers usually do for their children. This has been the case since i was 13 so from the age of 13 i have had to attend to all my own housework. My whole point to her argument/problem against me is that " why should i attend to your housework when you as a mother have never attended to mine" also baring in mind i look after my little brother sometimes 4 times a week when they both are at work but also always have their teas ready for them coming home from work. I never lie around watching the TV all day as i simply don't enjoy watching TV alone, she thinks just because i only do my own housework that i do nothing and i am lazy however as i mentioned she has never done me any favours so why should i do her any. Not forgetting the fact she almost NEVER does the housework herself anyway contradiction i think so!

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39% Normal

Based on 28 votes (11 yes)

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Comments ( 17 )

OtherSide

9 years ago

She has irrational jealousy issues. Sometimes mothers blame their own low self-esteem on daughters, especially if you are more successful / better looking than her.

I'm not surprised that you have a step dad - your mother doesn't sound like a happily married woman. I'm also going to guess that she blames you for this because she can't accept that it was her own fault.

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- VWHUFF
  
  9 years ago
  
  She blames me for everything and she never takes this rage out on my brother as my brothers father is my step-dad therefore it feels like i am pushed out as all her anger is only directed to me.
  
  She is a jealous person as she had me when she was young and couldn't take care of me so i was brought up with my grandparents until she married my step-dad when i moved in with her and she has never had any maternal instincts towards me. Now i am older she gets jealous that at her age she didn't have the freedom to go to university and go out with friends as she had to work to provide money to my grandparents to take care for me i feel as if she resents me. Thank you for your comment.
  
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  - OtherSide
    
    9 years ago
    
    You're welcome. Just trying to add a little insight :-). People often have huge blind spots where family is concerned, so it's very difficult to analyze the situation when you're in the middle of it.
    
    You'll need to get her to realize the reasons she does this for herself. It won't be easy. It'll take more that a chat over coffee, but it'll be worth it in the end.
    
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    - VWHUFF
      
      9 years ago
      
      I feel like nothing i do will work as she believes she is always correct, and will not see any other persons point of view on situation. She also acts very child like as she drinks heavily and then creates scenes to irritate the person she believes to be in the wrong currently being me (which it usually is me).
      
      So i feel as if their is no getting through to her as she acts very pathetic and childish.
      
      Just some extra insight into the situation with her.
      
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      - OtherSide
        
        9 years ago
        
        I think drinking is the first step you should work on. Does anyone else in your family also drink a lot? Could her family and friends come together and try to help her through it? Could you try to get her to go to a support group or therapist.
        
        I think if you can get her drinking under control, everything else will be so much easier to sort out.
        
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        VWHUFF
        
        9 years ago
        
        Iv been trying for years she doesn't think she has a problem as its as she says "only to relax after work" yet its around 2 bottles of wine a night i have never known her to never drink that amount and on a weekend its a lot more which is why i do not stay at home on weekends as i cant stand it.
        
        I have tried talking to my grandparents about it, but my grandfather passed away not long ago and don't want to put the stress on my grandmother. My step-dad is also a heavy drinker and drinks along side her however he only drinks and joins in with her to keep the piece as she is very hard to live alongside, if he says no to her then hell brakes loose.
        So i am the only one who has the guts to speak up to her and when i do she responds saying i am the selfish one and we end up arguing, then not speaking for weeks (which can be very very awkward when living with one another).
        
        her drinking needs to stop, as well as her selfish behaviour and she also needs to see things from other members of the family's perspective. I have spoke to my psychology lecturer at university for help as she used to be a councillor and she said she would be happy to help, however my mother needs to recognise what destruction she is causing in the home first otherwise she will never think she is doing anything wrong to seek help for.
        
        I just want to move out as soon as i can, and dont really want to keep in contact with her either as this has been my life for years now and she makes me really anxious when shes home to the point where i feel like i need to be medicated when around her, as she drags me down and makes me have very low self esteem. Especially when the rest of my family say how much of nice girl i am as i never cause any trouble or do much wrong either.
        
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flooshe

9 years ago

MOVE. OUT.

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- seakelp
  
  9 years ago
  
  flooshe knows what's up
  
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bombassbugg

9 years ago

Hey, I have problems with my mother at times, too. Either you deal with it or find your own apartment with/out roommates.

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- VWHUFF
  
  9 years ago
  
  I would love nothing more than to move out however i need to pay my own tuition fees so i am not left with any spare money in my pocket. If it was possible i would have moved out a long long time ago. Thanks for the comment.
  
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shuggy-chan

9 years ago

if you a 24 college student, then please take the time to use paragraphs if you like me to read this story. It too east to get lost in the wall of text

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- VWHUFF
  
  9 years ago
  
  I have dyslexia so i am not too good at grammar.
  
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  - shuggy-chan
    
    9 years ago
    
    That is a cop out. All you have to do is hit the Enter button every once an awhile.
    
    that has nothing to do with Dyslexia
    
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    - VWHUFF
      
      9 years ago
      
      It is not a cop out, my problem is grammar and paragraphs are grammar related. also i wrote it when i was angry am sure nit picking at a minor thing is not necessary get over the fact i did not include paragraphs.
      
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      - shuggy-chan
        
        9 years ago
        
        oky then you try to read your story and keep your place, cause i cant
        
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flooshe

9 years ago

FIND A WAY. WORK TWO JOBS. ROB BANKS. MAKE EXTRA MONEY IN EXPERIMENTAL GROUPS OR ADVERTISING FOR COMPANIES. BECOME A HIRED ASSASIN. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES (besides being a robber or an assassin I was kidding about those) MOVE IN WITH A FRIEND MOVE IN WITH A FRIEND'S PARENTS

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Is it normal to get a lot of abuse from your mother