Is it normal to genuinely wish my mother was a better person?

68% Normal
2 Comments

My mother and I have a very love/hate relationship. We can be each others best friends, and each others worst enemies. She has a lot of complicated history, and because of that I think she has control/manipulation/bipolar issues. She has mentally and verbally bullied/abused me most of my life, and I struggle with having a healthy relationship with her.

For example, this morning we were having a cup of tea, and started to talk about what we wanted to do with our three day weekend. I suggested waking up early Saturday morning, and taking a day trip down to Maine. She seemed to think it was a great idea, so we got everything prepared. Part of that preparation was going to JC Penny to buy a new pair of shorts. After we left the store I got in the car, moved my mothers glasses from in front of the radio to the little divet in the dashboard , and started the car. Apparently she didn't want me to move her glasses (control issues), and moved them right back to where I just took them away from. So I picked them up and calmly said "I can't see the radio, so I want to move these", and placed them back on the dashboard. Instead of just saying "okay" and moving on, she decided to pick them up, and scream at me at the top of her lungs like a 2 year old. When I say scream I mean SCREAM. It actually startled me a bit. So I told her that it was uncalled for, childish, and a bit ridiculous. Because I called her out on her childish behavior, she cancelled the day trip to Maine tomorrow. This is the type of behavior she has on a daily basis. Every single day of my life is a living hell. I would go into a deeper description of it so whoever is reading this could have a better idea of what I'm talking about, but I've had it so annoyingly pointed out to me that I'm too long winded, & need to make my posts briefer.

Sometimes I really wish my mother had turned out to be a different person. She married my dad at 21, and had me by the time she was 23. She was too young, and she realized that too late. From that point on she always resented my existence. Some day soon I'll have my job back & I'll be able to take my own trips. Just need to fix my damn car.

Does anyone else out there have similar, constant psychotically stressful, relationships with their parents? If so, would you care to share any coping advice that may have helped you?

Thanks.

Happy 4th.

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 19 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    I have news for you: I'd be surprised if there are very many people who haven't wished their parents were different at some point. Normal, but pointless. Lots of parents wish their kids had turned out differently too, that's just life.

    If your mother is behaving like this on a daily basis, she probably does have mental health issues, in which case lecturing her about her behavior isn't going to change anything except create more distance between you.

    If she doesn't have mental health issues she's manipulative and immature.

    Are you the only one in the family concerned about her behavior and does she treat everyone like that, or only you? Is the family talking about it with each other or pretending it isn't happening?

    If it's the former, I suggest some mutual support within the family; if the latter, can you move out of home and keep your distance? It sounds as if you trigger each other off: for example, an alternative response to the glasses incident would've been, say, an amused "No big deal Mum, why did that bother you?"

    Where are you? In Australia there are groups for children of parents with mental health issues, but I don't know if they exist anywhere else.

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  • selthmasta
    8 years ago

    Hey my dad wouldent let me walk An hour and a half away on a dirt road with few cars with friends we both know well he did the same shit

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