Is it normal to find giving blowjobs thoroughly unenjoyable?

75% Normal
15 Comments

I've given my boyfriend head a couple of times, and honestly hate it. I'm not "immature" or "selfish", as many women online who express this same sentiment are called; I just find it thoroughly unenjoyable. It pretty much feels like I'm choking on a twitchy, sweaty sausage. Sometimes it actually makes me feel like I want to throw up, and I'll gag/my eyes will water.

I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to give me oral if I didn't give him oral. I really am of the mindset that great sex is all about reciprocation; give and take. But why should I feel like I am obligated to do this? Why does society (and why do men in general) place so much value on blowjobs? It just isn't fair that it's taken as a given. I want to please my boyfriend, I really do, but I find giving blowjobs such a turn-off and really, really unpleasant.

I've seen threads online that pretty much vilify women who don't eagerly suck dick with all the enthusiasm of a porn star. There are men that call us "undateable", "disgusting", "gross", "abnormal". I just don't think this is fair, when I don't even expect oral if I don't give it in return.

So... what do you think? Normal or not? And would you date and/or respect a girl who didn't like giving blowjobs?

Voting Results
75% Normal
Based on 12 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Arm0se
    9 years ago

    That's because most men are bigger dicks than the ones they're trying to get you to suck. Just tell them no, if they can't handle that leave.

    On a side note: It's not really supposed to feel good for you, it's supposed to feel good for us. Only people who deserve it should get it, like a reward for not being a pushy asshole.

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  • charli.m
    9 years ago

    So don't do it. Is it really that complicated?

    Who cares if other people label you selfish, etc.

    Explain to your bf (tactfully) that you really don't enjoy it. If you can't talk about sex openly with the person you're fucking, there's problems.

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    • pearlescent
      9 years ago

      Thank you for your response. :)

      I did (tactfully) mention it to him once, and he seemed a little bit disappointed, to be honest. He asked me whether it was because I found it "gross" (insinuated I was immature), went on to tell me that he doesn't find the prospect of giving me oral anything but appealing, etc.

      I just don't think he fully empathises with me/can understand why I wouldn't want to do it, since he really enjoys giving me oral. And I just feel obligated somehow, on both personal and societal levels, which frustrates me a great deal. I feel like it's expected/part of the status quo. I feel like a bit of an abnormal failure for hating it, basically.

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      • charli.m
        9 years ago

        Saying it is "gross" isn't exactly the "tactful" I meant. I meamt more like explaining youre very uncomfortable and unhappy doing it, to the point where you feel like it detracts from your sex life.

        Of course he's going to be disappointed, but he should also care about how you feel. You should be able to work out a middle ground that suits you both.

        If my boyfriend wants something I don't feel comfortable about or vice versa, then we let it be for now and come back to it later, unless it's a big no. Simple.

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        • pearlescent
          9 years ago

          I didn't say it was "gross".

          But yeah, thank you :) I'll try and take to him about it some more.

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          • charli.m
            9 years ago

            Ah I misread, sorry.

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  • mystery7
    9 years ago

    All relationships I've been in (except one see below) they liked giving head.

    There was one relationship with a woman who didn't like giving head.

    But I really didn't care about it much because:
    a) I was in love with her and we were such great friends and companions outside of the bedroom

    b) in every other respect our sex life was absolutely mind blowing (and probably way better than most of the relationships with GFs who did give head). So for us it worked. Even though she would not reciprocate, I still loved going down on her too, she tasted so delicious, it was a turn on for me and she would always come that way.

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  • Unimportant
    9 years ago

    People who feel like their partner is in some way obligated to perform felatio on them - you can easily find examples in both genders - are wrong.

    I'm pretty sure the act of the felatio itself is not enjoyable for most people. It's the process of driving your partner insane with it, which gives them pleasure.

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    • pearlescent
      9 years ago

      Thanks for your response. :)

      I agree with all of your points; I've always been very idealistic about relationships, in the sense that - as I mentioned in my original post - I think they should be founded on trust, sensitivity, respect and benevolence, and sex should be all about reciprocation and mutual pleasure.

      I do think it's self-entitled and a bit inconsiderate to expect someone to perform fellatio on you. I firmly believe that you should never be made to do anything sexually that you are uncomfortable with. Unfortunately, I'm in a situation currently where my ideals are conflicting with reality; I feel obligated to give my boyfriend oral, on personal and societal levels.

      I really do enjoy giving him pleasure; there are few things I revel in more. But I just find the act so thoroughly unenjoyable that, no matter how hard I try to spur myself on for his sake, I end up feeling unaroused and kind of... abused? I'm obviously happy he gets off on it, though. It just doesn't cause me to get aroused and excited in the same way that other bedroom stuff does. (Aside from this, our sex life is more than satisfactory, if you'll forgive the over-share.)

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  • Mr-Myrtos
    9 years ago

    If you don't want to do it why you do it?
    One thing is true, he must live with our choices and life was never fair. Not even to us guys. The difference is we never mention our things. What we want, what we expect from a girl and many times some girls can be quite unfair with a man. There are many more things than blowjobs that make a guy happy.
    Why don't you both talk?

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    "twitchy sweaty sausage" lol

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    • VirgilManly
      9 years ago

      They can be found in the meat section at the deli next to the Braunschweiger.

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      • pearlescent
        9 years ago

        You honestly just made me choke. (With laughter, not because of any gargantuan sausages, thank goodness.)

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        • VirgilManly
          9 years ago

          The fresher they are, the more they twitch.

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  • AlleyCat4MissHairyLoveKitten
    9 years ago

    It's what ever your comfortable doing
    don't do something that will make you
    feel uncomfortable doing.

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