Is it normal to fight so much and feel so unhappy in a relationship?
I've been together with my guy for two months but we've been very close for about half a year and have known each other for years. We started out having casual sex. We were both then not looking for anything serious but our feelings grew for each other but kept it a secret. We continued playing the 'game'. It was upsetting but I never told him. One day, I found out he was dating someone and I felt so hurt. I ended up drinking and sleeping with another guy. Then, I never knew he actually felt so strong about me because the only place I would go to is his house and I felt used. We had a special bond but we never acknowledged it. When he found out, he got very mad and started crying. I was so shocked. We broke off until I called him soon after and told him I was sorry and why I did what I did. I'm so regretful because if I knew he felt the same way, it wouldn't have come to this. We started going out and he broke contact with the other girl. He asked me to be his girlfriend soon after. With him, it's so different. We understand each other and we're so alike. We have so much fun when we're happy. And we've even talked about getting married and living together. But here comes the shit, every time we fight, the past gets dragged out. When we fight, it's so intense. Both of us would cry. I would always walk away and tell him it's over but he always runs after me and grab me hard or push me against a wall, he would get rough with me but never hits me. I would hit him sometimes but never hard. It gets so intense. We have so much to fix and we're so damaged. It took me so much to get him back but now it seems like I'm always the one threatening to break up but he knows I don't mean it. He's everything I want. Recently, he doesn't talk things out like he usually does. But it's also my fault, I know I'm kind of demanding in certain ways, every time we fight, it's usually him who gives in. I've asked him many times if he still loves me as much, he says he does and we talked about it. We made up and concluded that maybe it's just this period where we're both having a hard time and feeling a little tired. He says he still loves me and isn't going to give up. But I miss the little things he used to do. Even our sex is affected. We used to go on for hours and I loved the way he just held me and looked at me, it's magical. But now, we do it for less than an hour and would be tired already and he has problems getting hard sometimes. I always get insecure about this but he says it's just a mental block. But usually, we still would carry on after a little rest. It's not as bad as it sounds. We almost broke up today and it got me thinking. I love him but I feel torn. Something's telling me to break up with him but I can't. I have to add he's the one that got me out of the drinking/smoking/drugs life. But now, because I'm so upset, I'm slightly backtracking and sometimes secretly smoke. I deal with depression too. I'm 18 and he's 20.