Is it normal to feel worthless when someone says they don't like you?

83% Normal
8 Comments

I live with my friend of the opposite sex and one day she calls me downstairs to talk. Apparently she thinks I have feelings for her and asks me if it’s true; fair enough but when I said no she seemed so relieved and even asking the question it was obvious what answer she wanted; it was almost like I could hear her screaming "please god don't let him like me". Afterwards she said the thought had been worrying her and that when she thought I liked her she found it “annoying”.

After she then asked me why I didn't like her in that way, which really caught me off guard. When I asked her the same thing back it seemed like she couldn't come up with a reason which is also really playing on my mind, either it's something so unflattering she can't bring herself to tell me or there's just something inherently unattractive about me that she can't put her finger on. I asked her again recently and she gave the answer “because you’re not 6’2 lol” which wasn’t much help.

Since then I’ve been feeling really worthless and rejected and keep thinking about how the idea of me having feelings for her was so repugnant to her and wonder what is so wrong with me. I think that if she had said something more along the lines of “do you like me?”, “no”, “oh ok it’s just I got the impression you did” I wouldn’t feel so bad but the whole sigh of relief and how happy she seemed has made me feel so bad about myself. This is especially the case seeing how happily she talks about the prospect of other guys she barely knows liking her.

I do already struggle with major issues like social anxiety, depression and very low self esteem and I wonder whether I’m overreacting but nevertheless I still feel like shit. It seems to be a pattern in my life where girls can stand to be around me but the hint of anything more makes them wretch and this has just reinforced that.

Is it normal that I feel like this? How can I feel better?

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 35 votes (29 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 8 )
  • blondbond69
    11 years ago

    Its hurts your self esteem I get the same way

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • wicked666juggalo
    12 years ago

    Honestly, I do believe it wasn't an intentional put down. I could be wrong, but by the way this story sounds, it was you who jumped to conclusions. Now, whether she likes you or not is a factor that could or could not change, depending on how you two interact. Just be nice to her, but not overly nice. But the comment "You're not 6'2" could either be an excuse not to answer you or stating she prefers tall men.. Either way, you shouldn't let it get the best of you. I am sure you're a nice guy, and all this low self-esteem and depression is mental damage you have received from years of self abuse and abuse from others, I believe. So the best thing you can do is keep your chin up, listen to a happy song, find a good hobby that you enjoy, and just progress in life as much as you can. Believe in yourself, and find something that motivates you to keep going. You can do anything if you set your focus on it. As a wise woman once said "If you feel as if you cannot go any further, take one more step." This quote basically means, if you feel like quitting, keep going, and everything will come out okay, maybe not soon, but in the long run. Don't give up my friend, -Wicked

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • TheBunnie
    12 years ago

    Well one thing's for sure, she definitely went about the whole thing all wrong. Anybody would feel like crap after being put down like that. If she's your friend, she should have addressed this with more sensitivity. Although some girls tend to come off really cold to guys without even realizing it sometimes. And the whole "because you're not 6'2" comment"... Whatever.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • LIEWM
    12 years ago

    She fucked up in telling you but don't take it to heart. She may be relieved because it means she doesn't have to break your heart, or she may be relieved because she didn't want things to get weird between the two of you.

    There's two sides to every coin so don't immediately jump on the negative.

    If I'm wrong however, big deal, everybodies different. Maybe she doesn't like the idea of loving you in that way but there will be people who do in the future, I'm sure.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • RidingSheepOnClouds
    12 years ago

    Well, did you tell her you didn't like her because she's a bitch? Move out, you alreasy have too much to deal with you don't need someone like her making you feel like crap. You'll find someone =]

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    That woman is an insensitive fool!

    Try not to take her reaction personally because there are many potential explanations why she is happy that you are not attracted to her. It could be because she already has a crush on someone else, then anyone else would seem like dog chow in comparison. Or it could be because she was truly concerned about you liking her and it ruining your friendship. If she didn't like you as a friend, she wouldn't have even bothered asking you (if she's callous enough to express her relief like that).

    If you like her as a friend, try to forgive her for her rudeness and don't take it personally.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Anime7
    12 years ago

    Well, her approach was rather harsh. I think that your reaction is normal. Frankly I've actually had a similar situation and believe me I felt like the biggest loser afterwards. Anyways, if you want to feel better then I would suggest some closure. You both live together so I'm assuming that moving out would be difficult, thus you have the opportunity to try and get a straight answer out of her. What I mean is that you should honestly sit down and discuss your anxiety with her. Who knows, maybe she might have some anxieties that she would love to get off her chest as well.

    Like I said, I've been in your shoes before but I didn't live with the person who made me depressed so I didn't have the opportunity to tell her how her comment made me feel.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Zippy
    12 years ago

    It's normal to feel this way, especially since she went about this insensitively, and you are depressed and have problems with your self-esteem. To be honest, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, this may very likely be why she doesn't like you like that. People are normally more attracted to people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem. It's just the way attraction works. Just because she doesn't like that way doesn't mean that there must be something really wrong with you. You could just use a better self-image.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0