Is it normal to feel unloved and not able to love
Im 21 years old and recently moved to los angeles a year ago I guess Im on here because I need to vent. I fell in love at age 14 with a girl i had pratically known my whole life she was my best friend i told her everything and i dont think we spent a day apart in over four years when i was 19 i split up with her because she was all i had ever known and she had taken my virginity, I was eager to meet someone new and try this with someone else. after refusing her begging for me to come back to her for months she moved away to another state with a boy she had meet while vacationing. Thats when i decided to change my mind i sat inside for days i even cried until i couldnt take it i drove from ohio to north carolina to try and find her well i did my best but she wasnt just going to up and leave. I was broken that day and decided i have to move on. I kept in close contact with her family since they were like my own. She eventually moved back home but somehow or another i ended up with her friend from highschool she was still upset about this boy in north carolina which pushed me away. we would see each other and talk but she was upset about me dating the friend from highschool. Couple months went by and i received a job offer to move to los angeles and i accepted it she was there the morning i took off and kissed me goodbye. Months went by and we began talking again and i flew her out to see me thats when i found out she was dating the the friend from highschool tht i was dating ex boyfriend. She is now living with him im some crappy appartment. My problem is ever after she visited me in LA Ive been depressed and and getting worse I have everything i could have ever wanted wealthy parrents/ I drive a BMW go to college have my own house but im still so unhappy. My depression grew worse and i began drinking alot to try and forget while visiting home i got a dui and had to spend ten days in jail i have almost quit drinking except on weekends since jail. Last weekend i was a club and and got beat half to death by a group of mexicans. I cant stop thinking about her and how much happier i would be with her my heart longs for her i remember the first day i saw her in 6th grade i was in love. I dream about her a night and wait weeks for her to call me, cuz she calls every once and awhile. I think she feels the same way deep inside she tells me she wishes i didnt live so far but she scared cuz i broke her heart. I guess she doesnt realize she broke mine too. I dont think i will ever be ok its been over 2 years