Is it normal to feel threatened by my friend and boyfriend?

55% Normal
18 Comments

I have a wonderful boyfriend. We've been together for about 2 and half years. I also have a wondeful friend whom I've known for about 3 years. I started feeling jealous and threatened when I introduced my boyfriend to her because they have almost EVERYTHING in common!! I'm talking about big things and little things. Their favorite color is green, their favorite Disney movies are Aladdin and The Lion King, etc. Like them, I love horror movies, but I don't know too many obscure ones, but they do! They can go on and on about stuff, and I'm sitting there left out. I've talked to my bf about this, so he would include me into the conversation, which I appreciated. But I can't help but feel that he'd be happier with her bc she is very upbeat, positive, and happy--like him (surprise, surprise). There are times when I'm on the verge of tears when they're talking. Sometimes I'm boiling inside. It's gotten to the point where my bf won't hang out if she's around. If she's going to come by, he'll leave. I know some of you will say that if he really wanted her or somebody like her, he would leave me to find someone like that, but y'all know that leaving somebody can be pretty hard. Then again, he's a man of his word. Is it normal to feel this jealous about them? I know he won't cheat, and I know she will never betray me. I'm not worried about their hooking up. I'm worried that he wishes I was more like her. She's not attractive, and she's kind of an airhead. And although he said that would get on his nerves, I can't help but think that her good personality overshadows that.

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55% Normal
Based on 53 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • karmasAbich
    12 years ago

    Jealousy is very normal. My girlfriend used to keep me from her friends (1 in particular) because we were alike, but it doesn't matter, I was only friends with her to keep the peace and keep it from being akward, that was a couple of years ago. Now, we trust each other and don't have anything to hide. Just trust each other like you do, and let time do its work. I'm sure there is nothing to worry about :) good luck!

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    • riley10
      12 years ago

      Were you and gf opposite? Did you ever wish she was more like her any of her friends? Thank you for the comment!!

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      • karmasAbich
        12 years ago

        My girlfriend and I are opposite, and I've never wished she was more like anyone. I'm glad she is the way she is.

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        • riley10
          12 years ago

          Thank you. He tells me the same thing. I guess I should get over it and suck it up, huh?

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          • karmasAbich
            12 years ago

            Be comfortable with who you are. :)

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            • riley10
              12 years ago

              I know. It's something I'm trying to work on. Thank you!

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  • yamsy18
    12 years ago

    They May have everything in common but sometimes that's boring. U may like tht a lot that u have everything in common but after awhile u feel like u r dating yourself plus a lot of times opposites attract better then common people so don't worry bout him wishing u were like her cuz he may like that but he'd only b able to stand that only for a little bit.

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    • chatter289
      12 years ago

      agreed. And its a common emotion jealousy. Jealousy= the fear of losing something/someone you love. So its completely normal, but its good that you have talked to him about it

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  • blaster
    12 years ago

    Yeah I see what you mean thanks . I could do the 3 of us it'd be really cool with this sister she's great.
    My other sister's two best friends have married two of my brothers - true story .
    I love this girl , could be 3 in the family if I have my way.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    He's very decent and showing you he's not interested in her by leaving!

    Anyway, you don't need him there when you are hanging out with her ance vice versa. Keep them apart if it makes you happier, it's no biggie to him.

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  • blaster
    12 years ago

    But how does it work if she's your best friend but you like her brother - my scenario - I'm the brother and so after her best friend but she's different when it's the 3 of us.
    In one way I guess it's very understandable b/c if she got with me , their time together's going to dwindle after awhile , she might even get jealous or somem, I mean in time she probably loses her best friend , too tricky but I want her so badly.

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    • ccjigsaw
      12 years ago

      That's thinking of the worst case scenerio. It might be weird for her, but best case scenerio, it starts out weird, and eventually you guys can naturally hang out (All 3 of you) No one loses anyone. Unless your just looking to screw her bestfriend, then yah, your goingto create awekward situations. Might want to confide in your sister before you make a move so she doesn't find out on teh spot. People like some warning

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  • ccjigsaw
    12 years ago

    I had a problem exactly like this, it just ended diffrently cause my ex was a shithead. Instead of leaving the situation, he started hanging out with her more, alone and even went to dinner with her. So I was like frack it! And ended it. Sounds like your guy knows right from wrong so I wouldn't worry to much

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    • riley10
      12 years ago

      What a douche! Sorry you had to go through that :(

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  • riley10
    12 years ago

    Thank y'all so much!! Your comments made me feel better. The thing is, sometimes there are events that the three of us would love to do, but he won't go bc she'll be there. But I don't like that bc he'll be missing out on something he'll enjoy. I've done a lot of damage, unfortunately. I try to contain myself when they're talking to each other, but it's hard. And after she leaves, there tends to be a fight over it.

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    • ccjigsaw
      12 years ago

      Talk to your friend about it, not just your boyfriend, if she's not a trecherous little slut she'll understand and not chat him up more than anybody else would. I bet if they both understood how you feel you could get past this. Maybe she'll laugh it off when you tell her and you'll feel totally ok, or maybe she'll tell you who she really loves and you'll feel secure knowing she loves somebody else? Worth a shot

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      • riley10
        12 years ago

        That sounds good, but she's very sweet, and I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. And knowing her, she'll feel bad about it even though she's doing nothing wrong. I don't want to do that to her. Plus, I don't want to add awkwardness between us, either. Thank you for your comment!

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        • ccjigsaw
          12 years ago

          Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do to get past these things. Because of my bad past with my exboyfriend I got weird when he met my bestfriend, because they have alot in common to, I didn't feel better until she found someone lol But the whole time my boyfriend told me how rediculous I was and how he wasn't interested in her at all (he's a really great guy) It may also help if you think of being in your boyfriends shoes. If he had a bestfriend who you got along with, would you be thinking of leaving him? Good luck tho, I highly recommend telling her about it in the nicest way possible.

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