Is it normal to feel this way for an older man?

48% Normal
9 Comments

Hello,
I do not know where to start. I have never thought that I would feel this way,but here I am. I am going through the most difficult time of my life and from one thing led to other, I find myself desperate.
My most important problem right now is that I have inappropriate feelings for a man who is at least 2 decades older than me. I don't know how everything got to this place,but I seriously need to get rid of these feelings. I read every other blog, every other recommendation and discussed my problem with my very best friend,but still the heartache doesn't go away. what should I do? I know that he cannot be the answer to my problems,but still what shall I do? I am married and so is he. I am not happy and will never be happy with my husband after discovering what he had been trying to do behind my back, but I believe he has a happy family life. I also believe that he does not even care a bit about me. Just share anything you can to make me feel better please.
I also considered that I developed these feelings for him because he may not harm me physically because he has a happy life and that was something I was seeking. Maybe I was just envying his happiness, not him. But right now these feelings suffocate me and make me feel worthless.

Voting Results
48% Normal
Based on 25 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Murun
    7 years ago

    20 years age gap is no problem, but both being married is.

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  • peterrabbyt3
    7 years ago

    The older person needs you to suck him off in order for him to feel good and for you to thank him for being part of your fucked up life.

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  • dawn.alisson
    13 years ago

    @echoes: Thank you, I won't ruin the old man's life, first of all, he has no idea how I feel and I would never do such thing, I am not the most noble woman on earth,but decent enough to keep my feelings to myself.. If I wanted to mess around with him,I wouldn't be here trying to analyze my situation, I'd just do it...
    My problem is to prevent myself from dreaming about him because it hurts me inside that I can never be loved by him...

    @guudy: thank you,too. as I explained to guudy, he has no idea how I feel and will never know.. I'll try to meditate..

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  • Echoes
    13 years ago

    My only suggestion is this....
    Don't keep yourself hanging between The sky and Earth. You need to take a very bold step, either you forgive your husband and fix your marriage or get a divorce and have a new start. You've been through enough pain already.

    Ok another suggestion, try a short separation and date other men. I know that sounds crazy.

    Forgive me..this is gonna be a little harsh, your marriage is already ruined so please don't ruin the old man's, just leave him alone.

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  • aussiewolf
    13 years ago

    ^^^ agree

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  • Echoes
    13 years ago

    My guess is that your dad was very good to you and protected you from any harm,(right?), so subconsciously you see this old man as a protective figure from any emotional or physical abuse that your husband does to you. So no you're not attracted to the old man, you just like what he represents. Does that make any sense to you?

    Anyway, if you're not happy with your marriage, get a divorce, move to another city and start a brand new life.

    Sorry if my guess is all wrong.

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    • dawn.alisson
      13 years ago

      well, it might be echoes and aussiewolf thank you,both. I should consider this, but do you have any suggestions that I can use to prevent myself from dreaming about him when I have some time off???
      I am seriously considering getting a divorce,but it is really painful to find out that someone you loved and shared everything with is actually someone who is trying to get you in a corner and calls that love? I truly loved my husband when I married him, shared everything with him, but at the end of the day, I was woken up by someone who knew him since he was a little kid, showed me his real face... I truly cannot live in a lie and confronted my husband and he confessed that what he has been doing was not right,but he did everything because he was afraid of losing me.. I first need to know whether he will do the things he did to me again and want my marriage to work. But my feelings about the old man keeps me away from concentrating on my marriage also. This also reminds me whether my marriage is already over and what I am trying to do will not work out at the end because I may subconsciously believe that my husband will never change and that way I created an idol whom I can trust and love platonically,so I won't get hurt?? This is sth else that I also consider. well, thanks for listening. I wonder why I haven't signed up 9 months ago..

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      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago

        The reason you got married is because you were or thought you were in love. I think you should work on the marriage first. I dont know much aboutrelationships how ever I have had major crushes on people while still with my boyfriend.. its a natural thing to keep an eye out especially if the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with has hurt you. I think its a way of branching out.. you cant nessicarily find the love you want at home so you try to find it somwhere else. I dont know what your husband did but you cant control you dreams or your heart but you know what you once felt for the man you married so fight for that first. i hope you figure it out goodluck I hope what ever happens is for the best

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    look..
    it dsnt matter avout how yr father raised u. i never knew mine.
    follow yr heart. are u at peace with that older man? who gives a danmm if yr married. jst cuz yr married doesnt mean u r in luv with him. get the hell away from the man u r with now n follow yr heart. do u love that other man for real??
    or is it lust?(most of the time)
    even pray to god or a god... or even meditate.

    Good luck honey n take care.

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