Is it normal to feel this way about my girlfriend past?

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10 Comments

Okay, so... recently I found out my girlfriend had slept with a lot of people (she told me). We're in our early 20s and it's pretty high for her age... I don't believe in that moronic thing where I can sleep with a ton of women and she can't sleep with more than 3 without being considered a whore, I think sex is something you should save for people who mean something to you.

So, anyway, she confided in me that she had been with 11 people including me... I honestly didn't really care when she told me, I knew she had a promiscuous past, but mainly it was due to her low self esteem so I figured it was just a girl making dumb mistakes in her past and tried to let it go. Before being my girlfriend we were best friends, she had told me stories about having sex friends in the past and her past relationships. I really wish I could say most of her experiences were at least legitimate relationships to her, but no... they weren't...

She has a problem with thinking poorly about herself, I think she's wonderful. So I was more just angry about people using her.. But recently it's been reoccurring to me. "Dude.. you're number 11..." and it's driving me crazy... I don't want to break up with her for that, not at all. I love her a lot, but the number freaks me out. In a sense, it makes me feel like regardless of how I treated her, she would have put out, which I know isn't true but it feels like it.... like I'm not that special to her. ..Also, before I get all the "Well who do you think you are asshole?! How many girls have you been with?!" I was a virgin before her. I'm not a super religious prude, I'm just nervous around girls. And I've only had a few girlfriends before her, and I didn't do much with them. I had no intention of just trying to get laid either.And here we are. 1 year 1 months in.

And in all reality, I just needed to vent. So if you're gonna just tell me something like, "What does it matter who she's been with? She's with you and trusted you enough to tell you.... yadda yadda yadda" I've heard that. I know that it shouldn't bother me, but most people who say those things aren't the ones who've been in situations like this.

I hate myself for being bothered so much by this, but it irks me. The last time we were together, I couldn't stop thinking about it... it's really messing up my head. Not my view of her, in fact it makes me want to protect her more and keep her all to myself. Not in a kidnapping way, but in a hanging out constantly sort of way. I really love this girl, and wouldn't change a thing about her, but her past keeps bugging me...

So if I offended anyone, or made anyone feel like I think less of people who've had sex with a lot of people, I'm sorry. I don't really care what other people do, but when it's my girlfriend, I won't say any more because some of her stories make me want to puke.... So, thank you for reading this, and I hope I didn't offend you too much...If so, sorry

Voting Results
66% Normal
Based on 125 votes (82 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I did myself no favors by telling my former wives how many lovers I'd had before meeting them.
    Some things just don't need to be shared.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    11 people isn't that bad. I know a girl who has lost count at 30 plus men....

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    I have been sexually with 9-14 people, depending on what you count. I'm 22. That isn't really a high number if you ask me D:

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  • SteveMachine
    10 years ago

    Don't listen to some of these people, dude. You said you're both in your early twenties; 11 is definitely more than average for someone that age. I'm nearly 21 and I've slept with 5 girls including my gf. You and I are just different than a lot of guys our age, and that's perfectly fine. My gf is 22, and she's slept with 9 including me. Sure, it bothered me at first. But it doesn't matter how many lovers she's had; what matters is that she's with me and she loves me. The same is true for you; if you love each other, the past doesn't matter all that much.

    TL;DR - Don't sweat the small stuff, i.e. the past.

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  • Birds4life
    10 years ago

    It's sounds like you really love this girl, it also sounds like your may have a few of your own insecurities? I only say this because that's exactly how I used to feel about an ex and her past. It may be her decision making you question, or the guys,..or if your giving her what she needs?? For me it was all of the above, It drove me crazy. I was young, and eventually I lost her. Not because of her past number, but similar insecurities I had in our relationship. And it was every bit as bad as I feared it would be when she left. Whatever it is about her, you love so much, love that. And love yourself brother, flush the rest. Or your Love will be gone, and trust me your friendship will be gone as well. It sounds like she may have seen sex as acceptance, in the past anyway. Make Love to her, everytime, don't ever just fuck her, make it a spiritual exp.... that the two of you connect on every level. Explore every last fiber of her and her desires. If you're comfortable with you, and in your relationship with her, and you give her everything she wants and more than shes ever had...Then you will be the only one. Nothing before the two of you together will matter anymore.

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  • dom180
    10 years ago

    Yeah, 11 isn't even that high.

    Stop putting so much emphasis on sex. For her, sex clearly isn't a way of showing love. If it isn't her way of showing love, it doesn't make much sense for you to try and use it to gauge how much she loves you :P

    If it causes you discomfort, just tell her that those stories cause you discomfort. I'm sure you already have done, and if that hasn't made her stop telling them then it's a little inconsiderate of her.

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  • RoyRogers
    8 years ago

    I stopped reading after the sentence of the second Paragraph. You seem seriously judgmental, petty and insecure.

    I can assume she likes you since you view yourself as wholesome and she has probobly been with some assholes but you sound like a huge dick.

    It does not matter that you are number 11, that is your fear of not being good enough and amounting to the previous 10. Which is really stupid if you think she truly loves you. Also your view on sex is subjective and you do not have anything backing that but emotion which makes you a moron.

    I have the same type of ethics but I am far less judgmental to those who dont follow. If you think she is such a slut why are you even with her?

    I dont drink, do drugs, break the law, or smoke and I hardly drink coffee. I am one of the most goody goody people there is and I have befriended several questionable characters in my time. I never looked at them and said "Oh how gross they smoke, they are a whore, They drink, what vile creatures they are". I do get annoyed when people are disloyal and inconsiderate, or lazy but that is aside from all the other issues I have seen with people.

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  • kgrebo
    10 years ago

    11 isn't high at all. btw - she was just practicing. You're getting the benefit of her experience, limited as it is.

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  • ymmii
    10 years ago

    That's totally normal. People just like having sex...it's not a big deal. If you're so upset about this, I don't know if you'll find any other normal person who's good enough for you :/

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  • 2DEUCE2
    10 years ago

    Wait until you're single in you mid thirties! You will need one of those fancy graphing calculators to do the math!

    You can view sex however you like, but the fact is that it is fun and it feels good. Is it better when you actually love the person, sure. Does that mean someone is going to keep their pants on just because they don't love the person if they don't have any commitments, nope. There are plenty of times that good people just go out in search of a good lay. Hell if people can't manage to find that, they ravage themselves in the shower. It's human nature. Don't trip. She sounds like a normal woman, err a normal human being.

    If you can't get over it then you should just end it now. She won't put up with any shit you ever give her for things past. If you do, she'll leave you.

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