Is it normal to feel sorry for someone who sexually abused you?

So, when i was younger i was sexually abused by my cousin. I was wondering is it normal to feel sorry because I pressed charges?

Voting Results
70% Normal
Based on 27 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Dan13309

    Whether it's normal or not don't worry about it if you were sexually abused you did the right thing

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  • Boojum

    It sounds like you're a good person who feels empathy for others, and doesn't want to cause others harm.

    Generally, that's a positive thing. But people can take it too far and allow themselves to be used and treated like doormats, and that's not good.

    It's not uncommon for victims of abuse to feel bonded to their abusers. There can be various factors at work, and the psychology can get complicated. Here's a review of a book on the topic:

    https://psychcentral.com/lib/bonded-to-the-abuser-how-victims-make-sense-of-childhood-abuse/

    I'm sure there must be loads of sites dealing with this issue on the internet.

    Feeling sympathy for your abuser has to be better than being filled with hatred for them, and letting them continue to mess up your life. But feeling guilty about doing the right thing is not very positive either.

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  • TerriAngel

    I won't make a blanket statement.
    Since I don't know all the factors.
    Ad an example:
    The 15 y.o. who willingly fools around with the 18y.o.
    Then later due to outside pressure.
    Wanting attention.
    Feeling guilty yourself.
    You decide it was abuse.
    Then yes, you should feel bad.
    But if it was against your will, you did the right thing.

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    • Timberwolf77

      Yeah, at the time I was say, 5,6,7 or so, and he was 9 years older. It happened many times, and each of the times I felt very uncomfortable and did not want to do it. So yes, it was without my consent

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      • RoseIsabella

        Don't ever regret your decision to press charges, because when you put a disgusting predator in jail you are helping to save his future victims! Instead of feeling guilty be proud of yourself, and thank God that justice was served. You did nothing wrong.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Pressing charges is the right thing to do.

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  • CDmale4fem

    I WISH I could go back and press charges against the person who made my life a fucking hell after he decided to assault myself and before me a female I worked with. We reported it to supervisors since we were in the US Navy we thought it would be taken care of. We were told "He's being transferred in 2 weeks". Another duty station another list of his victims. Yes you should press charges OF IT WAS AGAINST YOUR WILL. If it was a couple of kids being kids and experimenting or comparing body parts, that's different. If against your will then the perp has to know there are consequences for their actions. The actions they choose when they decide to turn someone's world all upside down, make them afraid of anyone that looks at them wrong.

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  • chuy

    Why would you feel sorry for him?, I bet you he didn't feel sorry for you when he took advantage of you and abused you.

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  • Azylv

    Empathy for the enemy is weakness and encourages them to only do it again and if you forgive and they do it to someone else, it will make it your fault this time making you no better than them. Destroy your enemies or encourage them. You cannot do both. Forgiveness is weakness because it is tolerance of their wrong doings towards you and basically means you are ok with what they did. It is always ones responsibility to destroy the enemy, or else you are no better.

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    • Worst advice ever. You can be empathetic and also realize that what someone did was wrong.

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      • Azylv

        You sound like someone easy to take advantage of.

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