Is it normal to feel so outdone by my ex's current boyfriend?

89% Normal
31 Comments

My ex has a boyfriend, long term (but I don't know how long they've been dating) and she seems to be smitten with him. Like how we were smitten by each other when we dated. He's got a rich background, he's more successfull than me in academics and career, makes way more money, is more attractive and has the same personality quirks she always liked in me. It feels SO HORRIBLE. I just can't seem to see anything in him that I'm better at... Maybe he's a dick, I don't know, or maybe he's actually genuinely nice. They're going travelling together at the end of the year and she's getting ready to meet his family and all. It's been nearly 2 years since we broke up. It hurts knowing that she was always talking to this guy when our relationship was dying and that she might have jumped straight to him when she dumped me. She looks different from how she used to. She dresses up in tight dresses and goes out to parties. Like an entirely different person to the woman I loved. I miss her everyday. It's horrible. :\
is it normal to feel so outdone on EVERY front and to miss an ex SO DAMN MUCH?

Voting Results
89% Normal
Based on 27 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • dappled
    11 years ago

    This is the second story I didn't want to answer because I don't think I can say anything positive except that myself (and I'm sure many others on this site) have been in the position you are right now. There is very little worse. I know exactly how you are feeling. In fact, one of the reasons I'm on this site was because I was grieving for a lost relationship.

    I know it's a cliche but it *will* get better. There are people I never thought I'd get over and now I no longer care what they do. But I had to put some of the distance there myself. I think you may have to do the same.

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      Basically why I joined this site too. I wanted answers to see if what I was going through was normal. Most of the questions I post are relationship related, haha.
      I know it will get better, but who knows how long. Though I hope it's soon. I want to get over her but I don't want to tarnish my memories of her by treating it like a "learning experience of life" or some crap. I really loved her and in my eyes, I don't think you can say you really love someone unless you can hold onto that feeling even in their abscence. If I look back on my memories of her someday and think "wow, glad that relationship ended" then I want it to ONLY be because I found someone new, and NEVER because I left the relationship with resentment or regret like most people seem to end up with.

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  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    It's normal. I have been exactly where you are and it kills your self confidence! Just remember, your a great person, and you will move on. Just focus on yourself for a while and a new girl will come along.

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      I'm getting very tired of waiting for this new girl. She must be invisible.

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      • Captain_Kegstand
        11 years ago

        Ya it seems to take longer than we would want sometimes. I doubt she is invisible, although that would be really cool! Think of the possibilities!

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        • Mmmpfh
          11 years ago

          Well you'd look like a freak making out with the air in public. Sexy, sexy air.

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          • Captain_Kegstand
            11 years ago

            Ya but you would be wealthy when she just walked out of the bank with her invisible purse full of c notes!

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  • Finding_Peace_In_A_Mad_World
    11 years ago

    I think at some point everyone has been through that, and I know just how extremely tough it is. Just hang in there, and trust me, it DOES get better! Eery time I have been in that situation I felt like it was the end of the world. I felt like I would never get over that person, and I would never be able to love again. But time heals all wounds, and before you know it, she won't be in the back of your mind every second of every day. Everything you see won't remind you of her. You won't feel sad every time you think about "what could of been". Trust me, in a while, you'll be out there with all the confidence in the world meeting new people and being happier then ever! Best of luck!

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      I really hope that day comes soon. I'm so sick of being hung up over this girl. :\

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  • 53739
    8 years ago

    I'm sorry

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  • plum6
    11 years ago

    I truly believe women would never end a relationship unless they have already stumbled upon a guy who has more to offer or treats them better than the ex boyfriend could or would, it's just the way shit works and it happens to everyone. One day you will be the guy that is just a better match with a women compared to her ex.

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      Well there are situations where women would leave just cause they're unhappy in the relationship.
      But in my case it really seemed like my ex didn't want to leave me. Like she was thinking "I don't want to ever lose him but I have to do this, I'm hurting him too much." But then afterwards she's dating one of her friends. So either she always wanted to be with this guy and never cared about me, or this guy is nothing more than a replacement to her.

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  • Unimportant
    11 years ago

    You seem to know an awful lot about someone you broke up with 2 years ago. Let it go. Let her go.

    And for God's sake, stop comparing yourself to other people. Nothing good can come out of this, even if you are the most perfect human being of all time. Focus on you; it shouldn't matter at all, what other people are, do and are capable of.

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      I know all these details about her because she's brought up in conversation by the people in my life at LEAST once a week. I'm fine with her being mentioned but some of the things they say are very insensitive. This stretches as far as some of my best friends and occasionally my own family. :\
      As for comparing myself to other people... DAMN is it difficult not to. ( ._.)

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  • JuliusE
    11 years ago

    Yes it's normal but no it's not healthy. Instead of being all "waaahhh!!! He's so much better than me" why don't you start being better yourself? 1-up him and find a better girl.

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      Ya, I'm trying. Working hard at my new job and trying to up my grades in college. Finding a better girl is proving a massive challenge though...

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    I read a part of your previous comment, you said you deleted a her from your facebook over a year ago. If it's been a year, then you're back in that range where you should start dating again. A big reason why people don't get over their ex's quickly is because they don't move on, and in doing so, naturally become lonely. That lonelyness often leads to you thinking of the last love you had. (Your ex) Get your sorry ass back out on the market and find someone. Even if it doesn't workout, it helps :)

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      Oh I am trying but I'm massively held back by my introversion. I'm VERY shy so approaching people is difficult for me. The only reason I ever met my ex is because she approached me. I'm terrible at the initial approach and obviously not every woman is going to be as outgoing as she was

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      • ccjigsaw
        11 years ago

        Go sit alone at a bar, someone is more likely to approach you there, then say..at home. Anywhere public is better

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  • blaster
    11 years ago

    Yeah but youknow , people change and move on when we split up, it's only natural, it all be about you we change and we grow. But hey 2 yrs , I mean why do you even care or even still see her anyway you gotta move on. I'd be forgetting about her long ago.
    Besides , the fat lady hasn't sung with him yet has she , really they'd still be in the honey moon period- could all blow up yet.

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  • jondoerandom
    11 years ago

    Dude, move on! I'd consider it an awesome fact if my ex has a cool bf. Not because I'm so kind and want the best for her. No, no.. the bitches can rot in helll (most of them).

    It just means that they'll stay the hell away from me and be happy wherever they are.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Small issue in relation to the grand scheme of things. Put your ' friends ' right and set the standard. Forget the rest

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  • fucksleep
    11 years ago

    Sounds pretty shit, you'll find someone soon and move on from her.

    Everyone always does. ._.

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      That's how it seems to work, yup.
      *sigh* ._.

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  • DaemonWolf
    11 years ago

    Stop with the facebook stalking..

    Step 1. Cut her out of your life so you don't hear any information about her at all.

    Step 2. Move on with YOUR life instead of keenly inspecting how she has moved on with hers.

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      I haven't been on her page in months and I deleted her from my friends list over a year ago, so it's nothing like that. The primary issue for me is my group of friends. They don't seem to have any sense of awareness when talking about my ex. Going so far to talk about sexual matters regarding her and talking about what her current boyfriend is like. One of my friends knows her ESPECIALLY well so he passes on everything he hears about her to all his friends, whether they care of not. He's a gossip basically.
      One of my friends even knows how I feel about her and yet he'll join in the banter if the subject comes up. It can really be a set back when I'm trying to move on. I could feel great about where I am in life and then someone brings up how rich her current boyfriend is and everything they're doing together and it's a huge downer.
      And asking them to stop? Not possible if I plan on keeping my struggles secret from my ex.

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      • DaemonWolf
        11 years ago

        Not really good friends if they keep talking about things that cause you pain. Try and keep out of their way for a while. Pretend work is hectic deadlines need to be met and just stay out of their way.

        I apologise for assuming you were taking an unusual amount of interest in her life. Thats the vibe I was getting from your original story.

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        • Mmmpfh
          11 years ago

          Well the way I said it definately sounded like I had been stalking her facebook alright! Since I described how she dressed and how her boyfriend is more attractive than me. But I have seen a photo of them from facebook, just one though. Truthfully she pops up in my facebook feed alot despite not being on my friends list but that doesn't really bother me. I just see her profile picture and that's it.
          But ya, regarding my friends I've considered just not being around them for a while. In fact there's only one in particular I want to dodge. But he's so ingrained into my group of friends that meeting up without him is seemingly impossible.

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  • YumInsanity
    11 years ago

    Stop being a faggot and using other people as a bench mark to value yourself. Other people are no reflection of you and you shouldn't feel bad about yourself because of what other people have done or what you haven't done. And sitting around waiting for some girl to come along to give meaning to your life is retarded, get good at being on your own and liking yourself otherwise you'll end up doing stupid things or embarrassing yourself in your desperation

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  • squeeeshie
    11 years ago

    Im sorry but id hate to have you as a bf. you are a stalker x-x two years? Come on. Find someone new

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      Well I explained that in the comments that I don't stalk her on facebook and I haven't even had a conversation with her in a very, very long time. I know what I know cause some of the people around me (friends and even a bit of family) are really close to her and they talk about this stuff in front of me. I here about her AT LEAST a weekly basis and it's always been like this

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