Is it normal to feel resentment towards a parent for being sick?

81% Normal
7 Comments

Is it normal to feel resentment towards a sick parent who doesn't do anything to help themselves? I love my mom SO much but she's had a stroke and a heart attack and she still smokes and doesn't do anything but take medication. I feel like she doesn't care about her kids because she knows she is living a dangerous slope and I just lost my dad a couple years ago and don't wanna lose her to. I feel like smoking is more important to her than living, and she knows what losing her would do to us since we have had 2 scares within the past 10 years. I also feel guilty for wanting to go out there and be happy and live my life.

I find myself getting angry at her or being impatient with her illnesses and I feel so bad afterwards that I am so angry at her and so disgusted by her lifestyle. I love her so much, which makes me feel even worse. Other people feel sorry for her. Why am I so mean? I know the stroke wasn't directly her fault (was a medication mistake by doctors) but I can't help but feel this way because she does nothing to help her situation get better.

She knows how upset this makes me and my siblings but I know she will never stop, and I know nothing I say will get her to and I must accept that. But are my feelings of resentment normal? I feel like a horrible person!

Voting Results
81% Normal
Based on 77 votes (62 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    oh what a worry for you, smoking is terrible for her post stroke. is there anyone at all who can help her break this habit? an older relative perhaps.
    try not to feel guilty about your emotions, its understandable. id be tempted to tell her straight how silly and selfish she is being, you love her and want her alive

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  • Ldizzy1234
    13 years ago

    I think that it's normal for you to feel resentment. You love her so much, and you feel like she's doing nothing to help herself, so you're upset. That's completely normal. I'm not a doctor or anything, but I think everybody know's that her bad habit of smoking could lead to the stroke and heart attack, all over again. And you even said it yourself, she's still smoking. I see why you feel resentment, and you feel like she's not helping herself. She isn't. That is really sad, but maybe you should really sit down, and tell her exactly how you feel.

    I know you said that no matter what you say could ever make her stop, but I don't think it would hurt to try. And if you already have, try again. You have to tell her exactly what you're feeling, and why you feel this way. Your anger is normal. You love her, and that's why your upset. That doesn't make you a "mean" person. You're just afraid of losing her.

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  • howaminotmyself
    13 years ago

    Forgive her for her imperfections and enjoy her while you still have her.

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  • lightra
    13 years ago

    My mom died recently. It's hard to see that. But she couldn't stop her death. But. Anything she could have done she did. You need to take your mom aside and talk to her. Let it all out. It's hard to stop smoking. But she can do other things to prevent it. Such as eating better and exercising.

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  • DefinitelyNotNormal89
    13 years ago

    How old are you? Taking care of an ill parent can be so difficult and frustrating, the resentment might stem for the fact that parents look after their children, and maybe you may feel like she's holding you back in fulfilling your dreams?
    I feel incredibly sorry for you and it's a hard situation, and I can understand you being angry when she's STILL smoking.
    I think your feelings are normal, maybe you need someone to talk to? Getting all your feelings out help SO much and maybe they wont reflect on your mom so much. I don't think you need professional help, you just need a friend you can trust and confide in. Maybe try talking to her about how she's making you feel because she's still smoking.
    You'll miss her when she's gone, so try and keep in mind she's your mom and you love her.

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  • dappled
    13 years ago

    Your resentment is just fear at possibly losing her. She's not going to be around forever, no matter how she lives her life. Accept her while she's here. You'll hate yourself if you don't.

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  • wreckd
    13 years ago

    Personally I think you are being selfish. Let your mom love the time she has left in this world. You and your siblings should be taking this time to set your differences aside and love her UNCONDITIONALLY as she does you. Stop the complaints and start making her life easier on her. Stress can make your lifestyle. Her coping choice is her own.

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