Is it normal to feel lonely and married?

That is most certainly not normal.

I would for sure talk to him about his behavior and how if he doesn't change that behavior which isn't respectful for the both of you, then you might need to file for a divorce. Everybody deserves love and respect and needs it.

Counseling would be a good idea since you have kids and it can change the way you both behave towards each other. Him giving that to you isn't respectful just as you accepting it isn't respectful.

Also you can change the way your life is by just loving yourself. You are you, people can't change you; it's you accepting their advice, their criticism and judging yourself. Yes, a lot of the times what they say might be true but there are the ones that destructively hurt you and it crushes your inner being. Believe what is true for yourself. Criticism can be a wonderful thing to take to change yourself when it is constructive and you know what to accept. :)

Your story breaks my heart! Please call the police and press charges if he hits you again. While he's in jail take out a restraining order on him then get a good lawyer and divorce his hypocritical ass. You don't deserve this kind of suffering especially when you're living with Lupus. Remember that you don't owe him a damn thing just because he's a preacher. You don't need to put on a facade and cover for him; you don't owe him anything. There's nothing wrong with him facing consequences for his actions.

Right. Well, if he's never there than you have plenty of time to pack your shit and run. Run run run run, run run away. And also, you better make your face up in your favorite disguise.

No its not normal and also its sad when preachers behave in this manner as it is so unrepresentative of the One they profess to follow. My sympathies to you.

Use the Bible to try to change him if he's a real believer. It is said, "Man respect your wife."

My mother has known she's had Lupus for a long time. She's still here, Lupus isn't necessarily a death sentence. Having an abusive husband is horrible, especially if he's a preacher. I can't say that sort of hypocrisy is uncommon, but that doesn't mean you should put up with it. Either stand up or get out. If you think you can find a way of fixing the relationship, then good luck anyway.

Saycheese had a good comment.
Love yourself enough to change the destructive path. Your husband needs to know that his actions aren't ok and he must change them for the sake your own well-being and the well-being of your family. I hope things get better for you, good luck!

If you are not happy in your marriage do something about it. Being oppressed is just as bad as being the oppressor if you encourage it by not standing up to it. You are the only one who can make a change.

So you're a married 42 year old woman who never learnt the use of capital letters and is unaware that "grandson" is one word?

I call bullshit.