Is it normal to feel like you're dating your parents?

41% Normal
5 Comments

I'm 22, I live at home, I feel like I'm responsible for keeping both parents placated. I feel like I give them attention purely in exchange for room and board, and that they know about this unspoken deal, because as soon as they find out about something they don't like (I'm looking for an apartment, I seek car repairs independent of them, I make plans with friends for Warrior Dash, I find a job in the next city over,) they become physically aggressive and verbally abusive, they turn on a dime. It's like a horror movie to see their faces contort so suddenly, like they know they live in a fantasy world and they rage whenever the illusion is broken. My dad kisses me on the neck and tells me I'm overreacting when I tell him to stop. My mom comes home from work stressed out and dumps on me and hollers and screeches and chases me when I try to leave the room. They have specifically told me that I'd be abandoning the family if I leave without their involvement. I know my parents are abusive, but the thing is I really mull over how rotten they are, and I've heard you don't start any relationships until you can present your authentic self, after you get over the hurt from the previous relationship, and that makes me feel like I'm dating my parents and right now I'm going through the breakup. That, and they've been so possessive and controlling my entire life that I don't have an authentic me, it never developed. That's why it's been so hard to get myself to up and leave like I know would be good for me.

Voting Results
41% Normal
Based on 29 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • dappled
    11 years ago

    My parents are both physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. They're not really a part of my life any more; which isn't the outcome I wanted but - believe me - I've tried everything. I was hoping this final step of putting more distance between us would help bring some perspective.

    From about the age of thirteen onwards, I found that I could only express my real personality when they weren't present. Everyone commented. People who only know me in their presence (family friends, etc.) were astonished if they saw me outside that environment.

    My mother said she remembers me as a person who was always making a joke, always amusing the family, always with something to say. She thinks that person doesn't exist any more and that my face has been expressionless for years, that I speak only if spoken to. But I'm still the person I was; just not around them.

    I understand what it's like to go into "shutdown mode" to protect yourself around abusive people. But it doesn't mean the real you isn't hiding inside. For me, taking every opportunity to be social (at places my parents weren't at) helped me work my way back to be the kind of person I should always have been allowed to develop into.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      thanks for that

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  • karma_is_bs
    11 years ago

    Just move out and start your own life.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    It's like freud all over again!

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  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    I can never get past 3rd base with them though.

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