Is it normal to feel like less of a man?
I know self-loathing is irrational, and comparing oneself to other people is never right. But sometimes I can't help disliking myself and feeling inferior to other men.
I've had pretty significant anxiety ever since I was a child, and it often makes me very hesitant to take risks, and less naturally assertive. Anxiety, passivity, and being hesitant to take risks are all characteristics more prevalent in females than males. This is a fact.
My spatial/intuitive intelligence is very mediocre, which is pretty abnormal for men. This is also a fact. So I feel like woman when I mess up directions.
My facial features are very boyish, I am almost always mistaken for being at least 3 years younger than I am. Even though I lift weights often AND take creatine, I never get as big as other men who exercise as often as I do. I have very little facial hair, significantly less than all of my peers, and it is a rare occurrence to talk to a man my age whose voice is higher pitched than mine.
I've had my testosterone levels tested, and mine are around 50 points below the national average. The national average is drawn from a population that includes men up to 69 years of age. Testosterone levels start to decline at around age 30, so I can't help but think that my level is not just below average, but downright low, considering my age (<20yo). Ruminating on this seriously bums me out sometimes.
I'm not trying to be misogynistic, I do not view women as inferior to men at all. But I was born with a Y chromosome and a penis, so I want to have masculine characteristics.
I don't want advice. I know this is not rational thinking, you don't need to tell me that. I just want to know, what other men have this insecurity, and how do men with this insecurity deal with it? Is it normal to feel this way?