Is it normal to feel like less of a man?

I know self-loathing is irrational, and comparing oneself to other people is never right. But sometimes I can't help disliking myself and feeling inferior to other men.

I've had pretty significant anxiety ever since I was a child, and it often makes me very hesitant to take risks, and less naturally assertive. Anxiety, passivity, and being hesitant to take risks are all characteristics more prevalent in females than males. This is a fact.

My spatial/intuitive intelligence is very mediocre, which is pretty abnormal for men. This is also a fact. So I feel like woman when I mess up directions.

My facial features are very boyish, I am almost always mistaken for being at least 3 years younger than I am. Even though I lift weights often AND take creatine, I never get as big as other men who exercise as often as I do. I have very little facial hair, significantly less than all of my peers, and it is a rare occurrence to talk to a man my age whose voice is higher pitched than mine.

I've had my testosterone levels tested, and mine are around 50 points below the national average. The national average is drawn from a population that includes men up to 69 years of age. Testosterone levels start to decline at around age 30, so I can't help but think that my level is not just below average, but downright low, considering my age (<20yo). Ruminating on this seriously bums me out sometimes.

I'm not trying to be misogynistic, I do not view women as inferior to men at all. But I was born with a Y chromosome and a penis, so I want to have masculine characteristics.

I don't want advice. I know this is not rational thinking, you don't need to tell me that. I just want to know, what other men have this insecurity, and how do men with this insecurity deal with it? Is it normal to feel this way?

Voting Results
74% Normal
Based on 34 votes (25 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 12 )
  • myboyfriendsbitch

    Well, i'm not a man, but I'll tell you ,against your wishes, that my boyfriend has some feminine qualities. He is more emotional than me, cries more often, is a better listener than me, he's hardly ever able to beat me in Streetfighter and his eyes are just beautiful. He's been mistaken for a female before, from far away when his hair was long.

    Honestly, I think he has just accepted these things and carries on. Certain things bother him sometimes (because he's emotional), but he just focuses on his strengths and that's what i love about him - how he can just accept his weaknesses as easily as his strengths.

    We kind of balance one another out, because I am a few more masculine qualities than most women... So perhaps there is still a place for you in the world you whiny mangina..

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • chocolate21

      Hahahahahahahaahaha!!!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
    • Terence_the_viking

      You play Street Fighter that is awesome i love Street Fighter i've been playing it since Street Fighter 2(sce) on the Sega Megadrive.

      Mr op the more you think about this the more you will feel bad.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • q25t

    OP, I'm the exact same way. Just a few years older at most.

    My response to the "problem" was simply to stop caring. You can continue to try to and change yourself if you really want, but there's really not a lot of point. Gender roles in society today have been blended so much that either sex can identify as either gender with relatively little persecution (compared to the past). A male that simply has lower testosterone and slightly feminine characteristics isn't unusual or even problematic, especially as your mannerisms seem to be what is considered male.

    If you're really insistent upon becoming more masculine, then there's very little to do but wait and see. Most guys peak at 26 to 28 for testosterone.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • thinkingaboutit

    Of course they do. Even "manly" men, that are seemingly on top of the world, have issues like yours. they just won't admit it. and your still a teen.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • nkwacky

      Exactly, dude.. You're just a teen. Besides, true manliness is not just about having a deep voice and big muscles. True men are strong, chivalrous and kind. Just stop worrying and be yourself.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • So do any other men have any non-patronizing, objective input to give on this? Not to be rude, but I was pretty specific in my request. Since my insecurity is about my masculinity, I feel like it would be more appropriate for men to give their input...

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • GoraIntoDesiGals

      If it can reassure you, i used to look feminine and scrawny as a teen but now in my thirties I've put up weight and look more masculine. Eat more fatty foods, proteins and work out.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
    • scumfuck

      mmm i think the low testosterone is screwing you up .. i would say i was the complete opposite of you as a child but lately i've noticed i stopped growing my facial hair is less and i get less horny i got bloodwork done and my testosterone levels dropped alot for some odd reason go to the doctor maybe ? if your testosterone levels are that low it can really screw you up !

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • howaminotmyself

    None of the men at my work can figure out that the space they want to remodel will not work. 100 square feet of workspace cannot turn into 60. Yet they insist it's the best option. Their spatial reasoning is atrocious. The change will also create a situation that is intuitively bad. All the women see it, but the men seem overlook what the space will be used for. I am about ready to bring in a tape measure and do the math for them.

    Regardless, I do believe spatial reasoning is more of a feminine quality, so don't worry about that. And I don't really have any words that will make you feel better about who you are. Just know that you are judging yourself far more harshly than others are.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • When I say being good with directions i mean being able to apply intuition about spatial relationships. But yeah that is true. However it doesn't change my situation, even if i happened to be super confident i would still be mistaken for a highschooler by everyone i meet

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • i can read a map in the dark so i am manly , just putting that out there, youve maybe been shut down when you asserted yourself when you were little

    Comment Hidden ( show )