Is it normal to feel jealous that my boyfriend looks at porn?

68% Normal
16 Comments

I'm 18, and my boyfriend is 20. He and I have been together for almost a year and a half, and he insists that I am the most sexy and beautiful woman in the world. We have a good sex life, and we communicate pretty damn well.
About 10 months into our relationship, I found out he regularly masturbates to pornography. I won't go into detail, but it really hurts my feelings. I feel like I am not enough for him. I talked to him about it, and he just denied it because he was afraid I would leave him. But later I ended up catching him in the act, and he could no longer deny what he had been doing. He insisted that he would stop, because I don't agree with it and it makes me feel unattractive and unfulfilling. But lately, it seems like the problem persists. And I'm afraid to talk to him about it, because he always gets really defensive and angry whenever it gets brought up.
My question is.. Is it normal to be jealous of him looking up porn? Is it normal to want him to stop?
I've struggled with this for long enough, and I'd like to get some anonymous opinions.
Please answer and make detailed comments! Thank you so much, guys. This means a lot.

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 25 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • RinTin
    11 years ago

    I don't see a problem here. He's not ignoring you. He's not doing anything with another girl. IMO it's a private thing. I watch porn, my boyfriend watches (well I wouldn't call what he looks at porn exactly), no biggie. Think about it this way. Take something you've enjoyed doing for years and stop doing it because your boyfriend doesn't like it. It's sort of a normal everyday activity if you think about it.

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  • BlackDays
    11 years ago

    Most men do that. Your sex life is good you say, so I'd just let it be. I know how it can make you feel, but its really not a big deal. If your needs were neglected, then it would be a problem. A lot of women feel disgusted when they make this discovery. One thing you need to understand is, I'm sure for most guys, its just about the moment. They don't go all day thinking about the bitch they rubbed one out to. Its just visual stimuli. It helps with the process. Don't stress sweetie :)

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    • NerdyChickFTW
      11 years ago

      Wow, haha. Thanks. I've never thought about it that way before. That really helps. I think all these opinions are truthfully helping me to get over it. (:

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  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    Porn is something that pretty much every guy watches. There will always be an exception to the rule, but if you are going to try and find a guy to date that doesn't watch porn I feel like that might be impossible. There is nothing wrong with him watching porn, and it doesn't mean that you are any less beautiful!

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  • BlackDays
    11 years ago

    Also, about him getting defensive and angry,..masturbation is a personal thing. No one needs to justify or explain it. When it comes down to it, he may feel like your invading his privacy. I'm not taking sides here, but I've been through this and I had to take a step back and realise that I was in the wrong, not him. Hope I helped a little.

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  • AgentDitalini
    8 years ago

    It is normal. Don't feel bad if you are jealous about it. I hate it so much that i want to break up over it...

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    You feel inadequate because you think these girls are doing something for him that you can't do.

    And they are. They are acting. It's simply eye candy but its nothing close to the real thing (with you).

    Even if you were an actual porn star, he would still watch porn.

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  • floodimoo123
    11 years ago

    Don't take it personally, dear. My boyfriend does the same thing. It's something every guy does.

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    • NerdyChickFTW
      11 years ago

      I knew it was something every guy did, because I have talked to my brothers about it, too. But they never have anything really "meaningful" to say. Thank you for your opinion, though. And thanks for not being harsh with it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I hope that my boyfriend doesn't get jealous that I look at porn and give me some sort of nasty ultimatum about it.

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    • NerdyChickFTW
      11 years ago

      I wasn't saying I would give him an ultimatum. Just from past experiences, it is something I don't agree with. I love him too much to leave him over something that every other guy does.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        Oh. Sorry. :/

        I still hope that it's never a problem for me though. That'd be a weird situation, eh. Or if he complained about it to all of his friends... awkward! O.o

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        • NerdyChickFTW
          11 years ago

          Yeah, that's why I'm here! Haha. I'd rather do it anonymously than to tell everyone I know.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    The path to self improvement is through masturbation.

    Dont take it so personal. Think of it as him getting back to nature.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    I don't know what to tell you.
    My husband's father watched porn most of his life. My husband watched porn practically all of his life. We got married and started having sex and he quit. He said that the reason he watched the porn was to help him relieve sexual tension anyway.

    I guess for some guys it does not work like that. I saw my parents marriage fall apart because my father could not get off the porn long enough to give a shit about anything (on top of many other factors, don't get me wrong). I have seen so many relationships fall apart because of it and my husband watched his parents violently fight over it. His childhood was filled with violent arguments over porn and he said he was glad to quit.

    Maybe for some people it is just something that they like to do. Maybe he can't give it up and is addicted. But ask yourself this: If you ever get married and have children, do you want your children seeing the same things as you do? Can you spend the rest of your life feeling like this? Can you just get over this and accept that some people can't live without this? Or can you accept that, like riding bikes, baking etc. that this is just another hobby?

    I know this sounds like a harsh opinion, and maybe the circumstances are different, but all of the above are things that I would consider if I were you.

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    • NerdyChickFTW
      11 years ago

      Well, I was in the same situation, as you have been with your parents. My father also watched porn, but then he started going to strip clubs, then he just outright started cheating. I guess because of my past experiences, I am a little concerned about that. But I know my boyfriend loves me, and I love him. I am worried he is addicted, but maybe he'll give it up eventually. Thanks for your opinion, anyway. It was definitely something I needed.

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