Is it normal to feel jealous of my boyfriend's friendship?

70% Normal
7 Comments

I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over three months now. It's been rocky. I KNOW I have jealousy issues and I work really hard to remind myself that they are rooted in hurtful events from my past, not the present, but I feel like my bf is provoking me and then expecting me to not get jealous. So about a month ago he mentions this friend he has. I had never heard her name before, but he was going to hang out with her and her bf, whatever right? But then my guy is on webcam "hanging out" with her "every couple of nights" in chatrooms "as friends." Now her bf and her broke up and although my bf has yet to go over to her house (to my knowledge) he still gets on webcam with her a lot. I already told him I don't like this girl, that when we both hung out with her she wouldn't make eye contact with me because she was too busy staring at him and that I don't understand how it is normal that all of the sudden she is one of his new best friends. The past few weeks I have been trying to talk myself out of my jealousy because I don't want to tell him he can't be friends with her. I know that would be wrong so I was trying to get over it. He would mention her and I would hold my tongue. Now all of the sudden she is "volunteering" for his non-profit and hosting the upcoming casual meeting we were going to have- something I was planning with him. There isn't even anything for her to "volunteer" for except to host the space, which is a crappy little apartment. I live in a beautiful house that would be much better to host an event at, but when I said there might be better options and we should ask our friends he decided to offer it to her. I thought we were going to ask around so we could find a cool space, not just give it away to the first person willing. I don't think it's a "better" option at all, but obviously there was some misunderstanding. I was working to accept their friendship, but I feel it is asking me to change in a snap to all of the sudden work with this person I don't like or trust and have to go be at her house for this event just because he says that anyone who wants to volunteer should get to. So I told him I wouldn't be working on this project with him anymore because I felt he was trying to force me to be around her. If he wants to be her friend I'm not going to try to stop him, but I don't have to like her and I don't want to hang out with her. Remember all of this has taken place in a month. So is it normal to feel jealous of my boyfriend's friendship or am I out of line?

Voting Results
70% Normal
Based on 30 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • icanhascheezburger
    12 years ago

    Wow, just wow... Okay first of all if you want to be with him and if he actually cares about you and respects you then he'll cut off all contact with this individual as soon as possible (chatting, webcam, facebook, emails, texting, talking, working on projects, everything)

    He seems to be emotionally interested in her quite a bit, possibly on the verge of physical (if not already). You need to step in and say something, you're technically allowing this continue by not saying anything to him and he's walking all over you like a doormat and knows it.

    If you FEEL that a certain interaction with somebody else is inappropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable, it is very important that you express that to him.

    He's likely to dismiss what you are saying, telling you that you are overly jealous, etc... and he may say that regardless of whether there is something serious going on.... but simply any sign of defensiveness is a sign shows that on some level he feels guilty or wants to defent his "right" to interact with women that way.

    In that case, tell him that you understand this, but that when he decided to be with you, he gave up the 'right' to feel flattered by other women or making them feel good with flattery, etc....

    You can say to him that for a while now, you've been getting the impression that something is going on. Is there something he would have to tell you?
    If he says no, probe a little bit more, you can say how uncomfortable you felt when he interacted with the other woman.
    If he insists, ask him whether he would therefore have no problem to cease any contact with that person?
    If he has an issue with that, tell him why he feels that he wants to maintain contact with that person.

    Bottom line, if he doesn't completely remove this girl from his life, she will always cause problems; if he doesn't want to work on your relationship then dump him and move on.. there are plenty of fish in the sea, who would give you the respect you need.

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  • anagr
    12 years ago

    Speak up!

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  • Pendletongurl
    12 years ago

    Trust your gut. She is moving in on him under your nose. say something, or drop him, and as for hosting the event, let him host it in his apartment, do not go through the hassle of doing this event if she is going to butt in where she isn't wanted by you. Your home is your sanctuary, let it stay that way.

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  • maniktwin
    12 years ago

    There's nothing wrong with your thinking. These are concerns no one should have to live with. Sounds, at least, like an emotional affair. And that is bullshit.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    yes sounds fishy

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  • Jen118584
    12 years ago

    Sounds to me like he likes her. Either that or he's insecure and just likes the attention. Either way, inappropriate. I'd be pissed. Webcamming with some chick? No way. There's something going on.

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  • emilydoll
    12 years ago

    ! You have every right to be pissed. This is bullshit. I would rip him a new one and tell him to drop her ass.

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