Is it normal to feel incapable of dealing with adult life?

I can relate so much it's uncanny. I could have written that myself. I'm in the same dire situation, and my head is caving in. Social skills are something everyone takes for granted, and this kind of situation sounds so ridiculous to the average person. For me entering the 'real world' usually equates to constant failure, humiliation and physical discomfort due to anxiety. I just want to mind my own business and live a peaceful life, but I'm born into a society that I really don't fit into and I'm forced to participate in.

PS. The 'Exposure makes it easier' theory touted by psychiatrists/therapists only works to a small degree. Even when I attended school every day and was 'out and about' life was still fucking horrible. "Life is just too fucking short"? Day after day I feel life is too fucking *long*.

When I was five, my mother was agoraphobic for over a year. She told me about it when I had my own problems with anxiety, aged twenty. You'd have thought I would have remembered. She stopped walking me to school or meeting me from school. She'd send me to the shops to get lunch for us both, because she was afraid to go herself, and there was nothing in the house to eat. I didn't remember it because she'd justified it all, and so I justified it all. When I started to slide into, well, pretty much your life as it is now, I justified it then too.

Every day you accept it is a day when it'll get that tiny bit harder the next day. And every day you fight it, even in only the smallest way, is a day it becomes easier to have the kind of life I have now. People like us, we say it's too hard, too scary, and we're not capable. Unless you've been through it, you can't understand. I remember my dad once telling my mum to pull herself together and just step outside; that it's nothing she hadn't done before. Great advice, eh?

But I'm giving you the same advice, just on a much smaller scale. Each day, do a tiny bit more than you did the day before. How much more you do is up to you, as long as it's more. Because more means you're moving in the right direction. The speed isn't so important but the direction is. It means you're getting better. Keep a diary of your achievements. When you look back at what you were scared of three months ago, you may think, wow, that's something I don't often worry about now.

Also keep a house plant. Something that needs watering daily. When you're feeling down, you'll forget to water it. Or just won't care. It'll show the effects of this. It'll be your personal indicator that you're having a bad patch and a reminder you need to do something to improve your mood. It's a long, hard journey and every setback will make you think it's not worth it. That's why you are where you are now. Because it's damned hard.

Living with this is sometimes like being a recovering drug addict or a weightwatcher. You've got to watch yourself the whole time, not let yourself slip into negative patterns. You may say you want to live in your room, but wouldn't you rather live in a non-scary world where you can live in either your room or the world?

Think about it. Keep thinking about it. And if you want it, do it.

I doubt you have the money to see a psychologist...but I don't think it's necessary. You seem smart and you know what you're doing to yourself. The thing that would get me out of this is the fact that you're being a burden to your family. That would scare me enough to go out and get a job at least. Working at a drycleaners was easy enough for me in high school and my social skills sucked. I don't know how big of a town you live in but you could even try a call center...no face to face contact and they hire anyone. seriously. As for references..don't your parents have any friends you could put down? That's what I used to do. Sorry I rambled on but to sum up, quit making your social anxiety priority and help your family out.

This is as concise as possible? Let me help.

"Me sociopath. Wat do?"

Homie, you are 20 and still developing. Get help and try to live life.

I am scared that I'll grow up like this. You really need to find a job, any job, even at a fast food joint. Anything at all that will force you to meet people. If you are forced to talk to people, you'll gradually get more socialised, even though it will be really tough at first.

You're obviously unhappy so staying in this situation is going to keep you that way. So, get your arse in gear and enrol on some courses that'll help you get a job and in time your own independence. Your parents won't be around forever and you might wake one day and realise you've wasted your life. Life is just too fucking short.

You need to see a mental health doctor. You are young and can overcome this.

You can do it. it's easy.

Hi,
I can fully relate to what you're going through, I have social anxiety also, find it really hard to get employment because of the way I am around people and so even though I want to get out and socialize, I avoid doing so for fear of being judged. Fortunately for me there's a welfare system in my country so I get by but lead a really boring and uneventful life.
I used to drink alcohol and that helped a lot with loosening up and being more open around people, but I became dependant on it for self-confidence so wouldn't recommend this at all. JBN makes a lot of good points, your parents are enabling you by letting you live off them, it's probably a good idea to get a job or I think someone else mentioned volunteer work, if you're volunteering the chances are the people there will be grateful to have you and be a lot more accepting of your condition.
In my opinion you're not a coward as you didn't ask to be this way, I used to feel like that because I cared a lot about what people thought of me but the bottom line is, unless they have suffered from social anxiety, they have no idea how hard it is to cope with.
Your story has inspired me to heed my own advice and go out and get a job as I haven't one for over two years, I've been really lonely and pretty much living on the internet it's so frustrating when you want to be around people, but scared of being judged harshly for the way you act (especially being a guy) anyway I'm rambling now, I wish you all the best and hope you can find happiness in spite of having this horrible condition.

I just want you to know that you're not alone. you have to face the fear that youre afraid of rejection. you dont know how to be yourself around others. Now, that said, you do need a spycologist, try to go to a free clinic. talk to a counselor. because you can't live like this you r whole life. I bet your wonderful. you just need help getting out of your shell. you said you dont have friends. ive been there too. but you gotta heal inside first . be normal dont act all weird. be friendly, smile, push yourself. and people will like you . people are attracted to confident. whether you're into video games, aliens, doesnt matter. all y ou gotta do is be confident in your self. Go get help. talk to someone who can get to know you in person and can help you. thats how you make friends. it takes hours of just being friendly to others. with time they ll be your friends. but you gotta get out and get a job. and thats how you meet people. cheer up :) okay!!! i hope youre doying okay .

She does not need to seek a mental health doctor, what are they going to do? We all run to psychologists and the like hoping for a magic pill to make us perfect and secure and popular and energetic. They can't. It doesn't exist.

Everyone around me knows that if I had money to live on without having to go to work everyday. I would never leave the house except on rare occasions, that way I can create my own fantasy world, listen to the music I like, watch the programs I like, only talk to the people I like, get the pattern? She really is a spoiled kid, not a victim, not a basket case of depression.

Also, I don't like the way I look, I look in the mirror all the time. I don't have the features I see in the Men's Health magazine, I am horrible at doing homework, I'm lazy except for the things I want to do. Sound familiar? I'm sitting in a dark bedroom right now and don't want to ever leave but you know what? no one is going to pay my bills. I would love to have a sugar daddy, but it ain't happening.

I have been diagnosed with depression, seasonal disorder, I have mood swings, insomnia, restless leg syndrome and a host of other mental issues. Also alcoholism is on both sides of my family.

Getting a house plant isn't going to help, I'm sorry to say.

What you (and many of us) need is someone from boot camp to come into your lazy ass spoiled teenage bedroom and blow a horn in your ear at 6 a.m. and threaten violence if you don't get up and get your shit in order. Your lazy butt would be in survival mode and not worrying about your inner most feelings and what kind of plant to get and fret about yourself and your feelings.

Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen, this is a free country where you can stew in your sea of gloom as long as you have a backer. you will continue to sulk and look inward and be a victim and hoping that that perfect pill will be invented some day.

Want the secret and the only thing you can do? Is to get up leave the house, start putting yourself out there and meeting as many people as you can and making relationships. That is how you get a job, not by having 30 degrees. It is hard and scary, and we would all rather be at home watching the Price is Right at 10 a.m. instead of having deadlines and schedules, or having clients to take care of and worrying how to make it financially into next week.

Do you want another secret? Those people that you think are natural and business oriented are only playing the role too. They are no better than you are. They too are thinking of hanging out around the house and creating a fantasy world of their own. They just make themselves get out of bed every morning.

In conclusion, honey, you just aren't that special.

Wondering if OP has made any progress...

I like cars in general. I especially like my car. I feel comfortable behind the wheel, and speed doesn't scare me. It's not even the risk of personal injury that's the big problem. It's being on the road with all those other people, and that massive responsibility, as you said. I don't trust myself driving, and It doesn't help that I've always been a completely passive passenger (never really paying attention to traffic and trusting completely in the driver). Now that I'm the driver, I'm always terrified of being involved in a prang, no matter how minor... I wouldn't know how to deal with the other party in such an incident. And heaven forbid that I should ever cause serious injury or kill. I couldn't live with myself.

The nerves and adrenaline I get whilst driving don't help either, it just makes it harder to concentrate, and then I end up focussing too much on one element of driving and forgetting other things. I don't want to drive too slow, because I know the other motorists around me will get impatient and act unpredictably, so I end up driving too fast.

I was much better when first started driving. I got the adrenaline rush and trembling hands to start with, but it went away after a few days. I was much calmer. Then something clicked in my mind, and now I never have any inclination to drive due to the discomfort it causes me.

I made a few friends in the first year of high school (some very close), and I was generally on good terms with everyone in my classes. I let my most valued friendships dwindle as they developed more 'adult' interests. Many of them got girlfriends/boyfriends and I couldn't. Nor could I cope with large parties etc. Towards the end of high school I was only associating with other not-so-popular people, and when I left I had no friends at all. Maintaining friendships became too much stress for me, I didn't have the commitment. They probably got the wrong impressions too, because social events that they found perfectly enjoyable were actually an intense effort on my part and they weren't to know that.

Honestly, I'm exactly the same. I'm 19, have no license, no job, and still live at home all I do is read, write, do homework and go to school. But I only go to school 2 days out of the week, and even then, I keep my head down. My only friends are from high school, but even then we never talk or hang out. I feel like I'm a failure not to just myself, but to my family also. My parents have to drive me everywhere I go, an if it weren't for my serious fear of driving, I'd get my license. I feel as though if we lived I'm a cashless society, then I could just hole up in a home all by myself and be content for the rest of my life. But unfortunately, we live in an interactive community and there's nothing I can really do to change that. I guess what you should do is if you're not already in school, go to school and try to meet at least one person on a friendly basis and start from there.

OP, have you explained all this to your mother? I kind of want to tell my parents exactly what's on my mind, but I'm concerned it'll only add to their stress... And since they can't really do anything to help me anyway, I don't see any point.

same with Far I could have written this exact story so I cant really help except sympathy... actually my mom got me into volunteering at a library with my sister and it was obviously embarassing, scary, and depressing at first, but with practice you get over it. I even had to answer phones and I was so shaky after the first time and didn't know what I was saying, but after that it was actually kind of fun. and now I will be starting a real paying job there so maybe you could do something like that. and yet I still feel disconnected from real life some how, I;m not as excited about this accomplishment as I should be... I think it's like, over time I have desensitized myself as a defense, and I spent so much time immersed in fiction as a replacement for real life, that I don't even feel real anymore. but at the same time that actually helps me through my fears a bit. I am going to the doctor and I suggest you will too, hopefully that would get us sorted out...

My God, re-reading your story, and literally changing just two words it could be my story. I guess you're situation isn't 'normal' but you're certainly not alone.

Great advice from dappled. I'll second that...

You need to do one external chore a day until you get comfortable out with people. You can get some work experience by doing some volunteer work in a shop for a charity - you will also meet people worse off than yourself.

This seems like a deep routed phycological problem my advice would be to seek professional guidance. Its certainly not normal but you have to put everything in perspective. Just think whats the worst thing that can happen when you engage socially with someone.