Is it normal to feel gay tendencies after being raped (i am male)

I think the rape has emasculated you and made you feel that you are less of a man. Therefore, you feel that women will reject you, so you are turning towards homosexuality and men instead.

But I'm not a therapist. You need to seek help for this as soon as possible so you can work through the confusion, heal from the pain of your assault and have a happy healthy life no matter what your sexual orientation may be.

Good luck with everything. I hope it works out.

Things happen and do you want to be friends? We can talk about this and I feel like I can help you. You are beautiful.

That's an awful situation to be in.

My advice would be to confide in a friend or relative you feel you can trust. I think you should also discuss what has happened to you with a therapist, somebody trained to deal with people who have gone through the trauma of sexual assault and can help you deal with the emotional fall-out. It's really not doing you any good keeping such a secret and trying to cope on your own. As much as it's brave to open up here on IIN, we can't offer you the kind of support you need.

I can't imagine going through something like that. I know that there is a theory some people subconsciously sexualise traumatic experiences as a coping mechanism (for example child abuse victims later finding child abuse arousing), perhaps that's why the rape has resulted in these new homosexual urges? It's only an idea.

Anyway, as I say, don't let those 2 pieces of shit 'win', get help so you can climb out of the suicidal depression you're in and leave this event as far in the past as possible.

I'm not sure, but I really think you should seek a therapist. Good luck!

Oh that's horrible! I'm so sorry you went through that. Rape is a horrible situation that no one should go through. I hope you get better and find happiness again. I wish you my best.

It sounds like you really need to talk to someone about what happened. There are therapists and sexual violence support groups. Posting about it on the internet can be a good first step but it can really only go so far.

On your sexual orientation I think it is going to be hard to find out the truth until you can get over some of the feelings of shame. I think it is actually normal for a male to feel some amount of homosexual attraction after rape from the very limited amount of times I have heard of it happening. However you were young enough when it happened that you could have been gay anyway and didn't know it.

I was raped repeatedly as a kid and I can honestly say that shame does go away and it gets a lot better. But only if you deal with it. Don't give up you are young and still have a lot of life to experience.

You should get help man. I am sorry that this happened to you, and I wish you the best.

I swear every person I've spoken to who was gay, male or female who was open enough to discuss their early sex lives were 9 out of 10 molested or raped at a young age by the same sex. Every time!!

A lot of these comments are not accurate. First know this is TOTALLY common for these feelings to arise, and NO, you have not changed or "turned gay". There are explanations for why this happens, and only a therapist can help you with understanding it and getting through it. A couple answers above were accurate in mentioning the truth here, but I'm afraid the inaccurate noise may convince you otherwise.

What this is, is a coping mechanism. Think of it as this, you went through a trauma, and as a protective measure your body and mind does all kinds of crazy things to get you through it without hurting too much. For example some people block things out, blame themselves, feel it wasn't as bad as it seems like it should be, feel like they turned into a "slut", feel like what does it matter, can't get worse, etc. These are coping mechanisms, but not all coping mechanisms are good. There are good ways to deal with it and bad ones. Bad ones involve bottling up and hiding from teh trauma. Turning to drugs or alcohol is an example of a bad one. Feeling ashamed is a bad one. Being attracted to people like your attackers is DEFINITELY a bad one. There are many GOOD coping mechanisms and you need to talk to a therapist about this to figure out what is right for you!

here are many ways the human brain can alter your perception of the world to hide what trauma really happened, as a way to protect you and "help" you get you through the trauma. One of these things, strange as it may sound, is commonly to have feelings of attraction to the assaulter or people like him/her. This feeling of being gay is not at all uncommon, and it is never the case that the person just "turned gay" because of an assault. If you weren't gay before, you are not now.

It is important to know that many people go through this confusing time and you are not dirty or weird or permanently messed up from this. This is temporary and will pass. The fact that you know in your heart that you are attracted to women, and before this happened you were only attracted to them, means that you are just experiencing trauma. You can fix this problem with the help of a professional, and you will get rid of these feelings. Most people who successfully get help from a professional come out the other end feeling stronger than before with a new sense of understanding themselves and the world around them. You will likely be a more sensitive more compassionate person than before as well as stronger mentally than ever!

You know how that saying goes, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" so please hang in there!

There are many free therapy services out there for sexual assault, and while I know it's really hard to talk to people you have taken the first steps by coming here. Please know that any therapist you can talk to will treat you with all of the respect you deserve and nothing will shock or surprise them! They are trained in this and they have likely heard much worse than you have to tell them. It is always completely confidential. Being a man going through this makes it even more difficult because the resources out there all seem like they're for women, but the truth is that it happens to men often too, and they also need the help, so don't be afraid to ask! Remember none of this is your fault. There is nothing to be ashamed of and you're not a victim, you're a survivor.

Hi OP, sorry to bother you but i was worried...how are you these days?

Sounds like u surround urself with some pretty nasty sub-human pieces of garbage. Get some friends that are worth actually calling friends. And go to a therapist and get tested.

In answer to your question, no being raped does not make you gay. As a young boy I was molested and raped. I dealt with the same feelings that you have, but life goes on. From experience I can tell you that it is easier and safer talking to a stranger than a friend. Friends are not always friends I was suggested. Professional, but do talk to someone. It doesn't matter if you're straight, bi or gay be happy with what you are been molested did not make me gay but it awoke feeling is that I did not know I had. I was married, happily for thirty years without thinking about man, but after a very messy divorce. The attraction to men came back. I consider myself gay now. I have accepted it and happy with my life. Don't worry about what other people think they think the worst. Whatever you do, so be yourself and if you need help get it professionally.

You sound too normal and intelligent to be suffering so much pain and confusion. If a woman loves you she will understand.

ur not gay ur brain is confused because ur body had gay sex so it fucked up ur self image and it assumed you were gay because of what happened to you, same thing happened to me and i was always completely straight till it caused all these doubts about me its because the trauma keeps playing in your head so ur brain starts thinking its queer cuz of what its thinking about, i know am totally straight now

ur not gay ur brain is confused because ur body had gay sex so it fucked up ur self image and it assumed you were gay because of what happened to you, same thing happened to me and i was always completely straight till it caused all these doubts about me

Everything you mentioned sounds totally normal. There are tons and tons of women who'd accept you and your history. First work on getting help, I guess from a therapist. They're covered under most insurance plans so hopefully you'll be covered

It seems to me that deep down you are blaming yourself for the rape which is very common. Perhaps you became bi-curious as a way to make it feel that what happened was okay and that you weren't violated. You really need to talk to someone, probably a therapist as talking to someone you know is often too hard. Try an online service if you find it too hard to speak to someone face to face. You can get through this! As a woman I can tell you that this isn't in any way off putting so you don't need to worry about that. But you need to feel good about yourself again if you want to make any relationship work. Good luck, you owe it to yourself and to everyone who loves you to get some help :)

Dude.
You don't have to tell anyone anything.
I'm "straight" and I've had gay sex which I was horrified by after. But it's normal to be attracted to other men. Why not.
If it feels hot, do it.
Who the hell says you have to like men OR women.

Listen, there's nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to feel guilty for!
Who gives a fuck what other people think, if they don't stand by you fuck them, they aren't friends.

Be cool, love yourself and who you are mate!

That's horrible!! But secondary to that, your friends don't sound like real friends at all for the way they reacted to you suggesting you were gay :/

Don't worry about women not accepting your past - those who wouldn't accept it aren't worth dating. There are many decent women out there who would.

It is OK. But you should see a psychiatrist none the less. You should insure that those lingering feelings do not manifest themselves in other ways?

If you want a woman in your life then find one that will love you for who you are even if you are bisexual/gay. If I was a girl I would marry you lol. I am exactly the way you feel, you want a woman in you life but you have feelings for guys, it's totally normal to feel this way. What Ii personally think is that every gay guy wants a girl, well we guys are designed for mating with the opposite sex and vise versa. So go find your, female, soulmate bro. We will all support you in this matter. And whoever shuns you should not desrve to be your friend. I however will never turn down a friend in need an neither any of my UU friends either. :)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that!! I think you need to see a therapist to help sort through your thoughts. :/

I am not a male, but I understand how this impacts your life. As a child, a person might experiment or have thought of acts with the same sex if he or she had experienced a similar situation, so in my own unprofessional opinion I don't see why it couldn't happen as an adult. If you have not done so, you might want to seek professional help, since you are obviously not homosexual or bisexual. I would love to give you advice, but I am not a professional, so all I can really say is that you should consider utilizing any and all resources to help you. I have also been raped several times, as well as molested when I was five years old, and so I understand the weird thoughts and fantasies that may arise due to the trauma. Please understand that suicide is NOT an option, because your life is precious. Seek help, please. There are a lot of resources that are available if you just look.

It's one of those response things. subconsciously thinking "If I'm gay then what they did wasn't such a huge violation" (which it was) is a pretty normal side-effect. Like women who are raped then having lots of sex, because it didn't mean as much is sex isn't a big deal to them.

Anyway seeking a professional would be the first step, once you have sorted all your issues (or most of them) you'll be ready to find out if it's men or women or both that you desire :)

Hang in there, there's always something worth living for

I'm so sorry u had to go through something like this.. No one deserves to be attacked in this way and I hope god bless u soon.. There is nothing wrong with u, just look to someone to talk to.. This story pissed me off if I could of kill them.. U just keep living life and keep ur head up.. Those monsters will burn in hell

Thank you so much for the advice and kind words. It helped a lot to mention it here and it's given me some courage to talk to a professional. (Whether I can afford it is another matter)

@emilydoll: Yes, I'd love to be friends.

@spunkyturtle: It's inspiring to hear that your boyfriend overcame it and that you accept him for who he is. I hope he found justice.

I think it's normal to feel kind of gay after the rape. The rape opened you up to that kind of "touch", which seems like you would have otherwise avoided.

It's kind of like when a female gets wet while being raped, it's just a sexual response. It's your body's calling. there's nothing wrong with feeling a little gay, even if homosexual sex was forced upon you. which is honestly awful.

Like everyone else is saying, tell someone. get it off your chest. this kind of thing eats you alive. i wish that you could get justice.

your fear of never finding a woman is very irrational. I get it. but you have to work on your insecurities and confidence. you'll find that as soon as you stop caring about them, they start caring about you. lol. fight.

I am so sorry this happened to you. My boyfriend suffered from rape as a child from his older male step brother. Everything you are saying my boyfriend has felt and done as well. He had very rough preteen years because of this. I recomend immediatly seeking proffesional help from a therapist. Do not be ashamed,what those men did to you was horrible and certainly not your fault. It is perfectly normal to feel confused after this. If you're truly gay,fine. But don't experiment with men just to relive the nightmare or punish yourself. God bless you

I'm not a professional but I think that horrible experience made you question your sexual orientation. You really should talk to a doctor or counselor you can trust to help you work thru the pain and help you sort things out. Just because you experimented with other guys doesn't mean you are gay. I hope things work out for the best for you.

Nessuno me lo ficca in culo!

finocchio!!!!!!!!!!!