Is it normal to feel confused/frustrated belonging to two cultures?

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6 Comments

I'm bilingual and bicultural (two different things)- as in my mother is from Spain, and my father from England. I've been brought up with both languages being spoken to me, started to speak them at the same time as a baby, and have lived in England all my life, spending major holidays over in Spain. Therefore I've always had friends in both places, and now I'm older, I've spent time living in Spain.
However, although I know I'm lucky to have both cultures, I can't help but feel frustrated, because I feel as though I'm constantly stretched between both worlds and belong to both of them, but at the same time, I don't, because I'm not fully from either one. Friends in England see me as Spanish and friends in Spain see me as English. I love everyone in Spain and in England, but I'm sometimes confused and frustrated as to how the general behaviour from each country differs, or how people who don't have the advantage of knowing about another culture appear narrow-minded to me when I know they are not. I couldn't ever give either culture up, but sometimes I feel incredibly alone because no-one seems to understand what I'm going through at all. Is this normal? Are there other bicultural people there who feel like this?

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88% Normal
Based on 43 votes (38 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • 53739
    8 years ago

    This is normal when someone has parents from different cultures or they have lived for some time in a different country from their origin.

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  • ruby_slippers
    12 years ago

    We are all social creatures and have a social and pyschological need to feel a sense of 'belonging' so yes it is totally normal. I'm half arab, half english and have had experiences of not feeling like i belong anywhere since a young age. However, i'm twenty now and since joing university in particular, have realised that a person is more deeply defined that just by their nationality. Don't feel that you have to 'belong' to either culture, just embrace the things you like and reject what you don't. A bit like a pick 'n' mix bag of sweets :)

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  • AngAnders112
    12 years ago

    It seems us humans want to be able to place people on a specific box; it's like you can't be in two. You can't be bisexual, you're either gay or straight. I remember Halle Berry said her mom told her when she was little "people aren't going to see you as bi-racial. They're going to consider you black." I went to high school with a girl who's mother is wide and her father is black. She mostly associated with white people and the black people would get upset with her because she didn't think of herself as black. Yet her white friends considered her black. It really frustrated her. I can only imagine how painful this must be for you.

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  • dappled
    12 years ago

    I used to be close to a girl who was half-Spanish, half-Swiss, but lived in England from the age of 11. She felt more Spanish than Swiss but then felt her Spanishness eroding in favour of Englishness. She told me once that people should have parents of the same nationality and they should stay in the same country until the age of 18, so that they had a real identity that they could carry with them, even if they then lived in another country all their life.

    She felt that, rather than belonging to multiple cultures, she was adrift and didn't truly belong anywhere. It was a recurring theme and it broke my heart a little because there was nothing I could do about it. The past is the past and what we are, we are. I understand how you are feeling, and I'm sorry. I wish I was still in touch with her and could introduce you two. You'd probably be great friends.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I kind of get what you mean. I was born in New Zealand and moved to Australia when I was 10. Here I'm Kiwi but in New Zealand I'm Aussie. So really, where do I fit in now?

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  • KatieLiz
    12 years ago

    You don't have to give either up. Multiculturalism is a gift of the modern world. You just have to be yourself and go where you feel you should be

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