Is it normal to feel bad about wanting to end a relationship?

93% Normal
6 Comments

I am in my first relationship for about two going on three years, and we both moved very fast; like, we said 'I love you' about three weeks in. We are around the same age (21) and have never seriously dated anyone else before. We never really dated each other either; we hung out once and he asked me to go steady with him a few days later. No flirting, no dating, no romance. Presently, he is talking about getting engaged once we graduate and wants me to give him the go ahead. We have been officially living together for a year now, but something in my gut tells me that an engagement is a bad idea- like the fact that we almost breakup every semester. However, I feel bad about the fact that he is convinced that he could never date another person after me and how scared he is to be alone since he really wants a family. It's just that I don't think I could give him that anymore. We get along really well as housemates but, as he pointed out, it is beginning to feel less like a relationship and more like a really good friendship. We had not been intimate at all for that year until the end of the semester wherein we madeout for a bit. I don't find myself longing for a romantic relationship anymore but for a more platonic one which is not what he wants. There is also the fact that I have been made into a pseudo-mother figure for him which is something I really do not want but sort of fall into since I tend to start mothering him unintentionally. I am presently on a study abroad where he and I cannot contact each other easily, but even when we could, it all felt really empty and even read quite empty. We haven't talked at all really since my study abroad started. There is a part of me that wants to break things off since I don't think the chemistry is there and that we are no longer really romantically compatible anymore, but I also feel quite guilty about this since it feels like I am being selfish for doing so and how emotionally dependant he presents himself as to me. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't know how happy I am in my relationship anymore. Is this normal? Is there any advice for me?

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93% Normal
Based on 14 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • dimwitted
    4 years ago

    The pain from walking away is a given. However it will be so much worse if you were legally bound.

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  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    Yeah, this is normal.

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  • Primus
    4 years ago

    Yeah, I'd say thats perfectly normal, as I've felt similar things in my past. Now, listen to the words I am about to tell you.

    If you have ANY doubts about your love for your soon to be spouse, especially when he hasn't even proposed to you, he is not right for you (or at the very least, you aren't ready). Forget the social implications of marriage and look at the legal ones. A divorce will rack up so much collateral if it goes wrong (which, no offense, seems like it will eventually).

    You are only 21 and have never had a relationship with anybody else, so I get that it's very hard to make the right decision. Despite this, you must make the best decisions for your future, and in this situation, you must act with your self interest in mind, not his. It'll hurt for a while, but as they say, time heals all wounds.

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  • sporklord
    4 years ago

    I think it's normal to feel bad. I've been on both sides of this before and I think the best thing to do in this situation is break up, no matter how bad you feel. Be honest with him and tell him what's wrong and why you're breaking up, but don't fall for the "one more month I'll fix myself." Do NOT do all that gray area, oh I need some time to myself, ghosting shit. I've been on the receiving end of that and it is not what a guy needs. Let me put it this way, would you rather have a finger chopped off, or sawed off.. so very slowly.. bits of flesh tearing off one by one over the span of weeks, metal grating away at your very bone..
    The point is just be honest, and blunt. Don't be cruel about it, but don't try to sugarcoat or delay it, it'll just be more painful for both of you.

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  • SomewhereNorth
    4 years ago

    Please don’t torture yourself with that feeling. Listen to your gut. I’m 20 and I’ve never had a
    “ serious “ relationship but PLEASE listen to your gut. Be smart and think with your head, not your heart. Best of luck ~~~

    🇨🇦🇨🇦

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  • Ellenna
    4 years ago

    The sooner you are honest with him about your feelings the better: the longer he goes on believing you're going to be together for ever the more he will be hurt in the end.

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