Is it normal to feel as if no one can love you unconditionally

71% Normal
35 Comments

I've always had this fear that if I slipped up, even once, with family and friends, they would stop loving me. I know these thoughts are very irrational. My family has always forgiven me, and has accepted me with all my faults. My best friend is a very non-judgmental, loving individual who understands the human quality of making mistakes. Still, I feel as though if I mess up, even in the tiniest bit, they will reject me and I will loose their love. Therefore I am a MAJOR perfectionist and feel as if I can't let people inside. Though I know I can love other people unconditionally, I feel like they can never love me unconditionally.

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 24 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 35 )
  • hoppy
    10 years ago

    Why would you want someone to love you unconditionally? Think about what that implies.

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    • davesumba
      10 years ago

      I'm trying to think of what that implies, but all I got is that person is willing to accept you for who you are, flaws and all, and still love you no matter what.

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      • ihaveapoon
        10 years ago

        I love u davidsambo

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      • hoppy
        10 years ago

        I perhaps have a weird perspective on it but my thinking is that if they'll love you regardless of anything you are or anything you do, then it's not what you are that they love or what you do (because it's clearly not a factor in why they love you. They'd love you whatever those things are).

        I think of myself as what I am and what I do. If someone doesn't love me for those things, what exactly are they loving? I don't think it's me. If someone loves me, I want there to be a reason why it's me. The reason is, by definition, a condition.

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        • davesumba
          10 years ago

          Interesting perspective, but I'd disagree. In order for someone to love you unconditionally, first they have to love you. Which obviously, they are going to find things to love about you and love you for you. Where the unconditional part comes to play, is that you could screw up badly, even wrong them, but they will still love you anyways. And will understand that just because you screwed up, doesn't make you a bad person. But with a lot of people, screw up once, and they are never going to talk to you again. But is that kind of conditional love what you really want? For people to define you based on one lapse in judgement?

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          • hoppy
            10 years ago

            Oh, yes. I get what we're told unconditional love is. About forgiving mistakes and all the rest of it, and about how great it is to be so single-minded about someone. In a limited Disney-Hallmark universe it sounds great. But if you then apply it to the real world, you notice the limits. Life isn't what we're told it is. Life is what it actually is.

            There are plenty of people I couldn't tolerate let alone love. That's not because I'm a bad person who can't love unconditionally, it's because there are people on this planet who can't be loved unconditionally. While there is even one person like that, then to love anyone comes with a condition; the condition being that they are not that one person.

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            • davesumba
              10 years ago

              Another way of putting it, is that unconditional love is when you love the good qualities about someone so much that they outweigh the bad.

              From my experience, I've been nothing but nice to everyone, and everyone has been nothing but nice to me. And I'll watch as my friends, who don't treat each other as well as they should, get in fights, pick on each other, screw each other over etc, but not give me the least bit of negativity.

              I've never met someone in real life that wasn't worth my love.

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  • bemah
    10 years ago

    I don't think anyone can love unconditionally, I'm not even sure what love means. But I think with family it's just that your stuck with them, so if you hate them for whatever reason, you soon get over it and realize that hating them never got you anywhere. There are plenty of people who can and do get away from their family though, and i think it's sad, because they can't even be bothered resolving it and getting back something so great.

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  • RomeoDeMontague
    10 years ago

    Well my dad didn't.

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  • tablescraps4812
    10 years ago

    What I meant by conditions is that I feel as if people will only love me for what I do, not who I am. People can love me because I draw, write, pain, sing, play guitar, listen, care, give, etc... and they can say therefore because they love those things they live me. Bu it doesn't. Because if I stopped doing those things I would still be me. But if I stopped doing those things, they would stop loving me, because they loved that thing and not me. Also, just like every other human, I make mistakes. So if they love me for what I do and then I make a mistake, which no one would love, I would loose that love. I know love us is fickle, but it can't be that fickle, can it? But to love me for what I am- energetic, creative, bubbly, intelligent, ambitious- that which is unending, then I would be loved unconditionally. Despite mistakes. But I feel i 'll never have that.

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    • Terence_the_viking
      10 years ago

      I think you are getting with the wrong people nothing should break the bond of true love.

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  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    10 years ago

    I can totally relate. So called love doesn't even exist. It's an emergent property of individuals being attracted to each other but it disappears as fast as when the first disagreement appears between a couple.

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  • davesumba
    10 years ago

    I love everyone unconditionally. So they are out there.

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    • Hitlеr
      10 years ago

      even me

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      • davesumba
        10 years ago

        Especially you.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      That's super gay.

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      • davesumba
        10 years ago

        The key to life is happiness.

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        • [Old Memory]
          10 years ago

          "Gay" in the sense you describe is a dead word, please use proper diction in future.

          -Tommy, king of all cats.

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          • davesumba
            10 years ago

            My friend's mom whose name is "Gay" and Webster would beg to differ.

            #failtroll

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            • ihaveapoon
              10 years ago

              U & Tommy r butt buddies

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            • [Old Memory]
              10 years ago

              Being named "Gay" and using the outdated term for "happy" are two very seperate and things.

              It is infact a "loaded" word at present.

              Again, please use proper diction in future. And when making a comparison, make sure that both sides of it are relevant.

              -Tommy, king of all cats.

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