Is it normal to fear penetration?
I am nearly 30 and I've yet to have sexual intercourse with anyone. I am very fearful of being penetrated. Honestly, I'm uncomfortable with any part of me being breached. I don't like things in my ears, such as Q-tips or those devices doctors use to check your ears. I hate when I have to go to the dentist because I have to allow them entrance to my mouth. But, the idea of letting a man inside me, or a woman with a dildo, truly terrifies me. I've had only one relationship in my life. It lasted seven years, and we eventually married. We divorced earlier this year. It was with a woman, and she wasn't into dildos, so it took a lot of pressure off me when thinking about penetration. Oral sex was great. Well, for her. I mostly pleasured her because I could never relax full enough for her to pleasure me. Since my separation and subsequent divorce, I've deliberately only dated men with the hope that I would eventually get used to them, form a relationship with one, and finally feel sufficiently comfortable to have intercourse. I've yet to be successful, and it doesn't help that my mom told me when I was a teen that having sex feels like a man is peeing in you. Why on earth would I want to experience that? I've put off all promising contenders by saying I don't believe in having sex until after marriage, which I actually do kind of believe. Plus, I've waited to have sexual intercourse for so many years now that I'm unwilling to give it away to just anybody. My ex-wife was aware of my fear and once tried to help me overcome it, but when she entered me just a little with a slender item, I screamed as if she were killing me. I felt as if I was being violated. I actually started crying afterwards and felt shaky. We never tried again. I think I've had this fear since I was a very young child because my mom told me when I came into their home when I was two (I'm adopted), I didn't like to be touched in my private area. And while I was still a ward of the state, caregivers documented my negative reaction whenever my bottom area had to be touched. So, is this normal? I mean, I can't be the only woman who feels this way. And, just in case anyone is wondering, I've never been sexually assaulted.