Is it normal to fantasize about giving a shemale a blowjob?

Alright these events happened moths ago and I happened to remember it and it is killing me.ok first fantasy It was back in July I went off in the woods to wack off I was thinking about Women but near the end I sucked my thumb like a shemales penis and I cumed in my mouth like a shemale did it I forgot all about this and did another similar to this one month later.This time I acted like a woman fingering themselves and have myself a handjob but acted like I was giving a man or I can't remember many myself. Then I cumed in my mouth again but right after it I got up and looked my self eye to eye in the mirror after I spit out my cum cause it grossed me out Because I acted like it was another mans cum but anyway I was looking at myself saying I'm not gay I will not do it again. and then almost 2 months later I was looking for a hairspray can holder to use it for a pussy my dick couldn't fit in it and then made the stupid decision to suck it like a shemales dick I stopped myself before orgasm and I have did nothing else like this since then because I feel disgusted with myself I do get cravings to suck off a shemale but my mind overpowers it and I get a hold of myself I feel just because you like something it dosent mean you should do it I am in control not my hormones and other people can do the same so what do you guys think am I straight.and remember I will never do anything like this again so do you think it's too late for me for what I have already done