Is it normal to fall in love with your rapist?

Long story short , I(18) was raped by my half-cousin(26) which means we only share one grandparent.His mom and mine have the same mother different fathers. He took my virginity both vaginal and anal that night.When all was done I was hurt and bleeding and crying yet..... over the course of 3 months in 2014 I continued to have sex with him almost every night .He would message me to come over to sodomize me and stupidly I'd go. Now that I am 21 I still fantasize and long for him at night until the point where I masturbate about the attack.He no longer is in contact with me now that I've told a little over a year ago.Also last year 2015 I was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, violent flashbacks and some other stuff by two doctors . I've notice my outburst and anger has become more violent since they cant convict him because i stayed .....