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About twice a year I fake being pregnant for a few months to get my boyfriend to take over cleaning my cat's litter box (pregnant women are advised not to due to the risk of toxoplasmosis). IIN?
Your boyfriend must be a real winner to fall for it, repeatedly, twice a year.
Like the Red Hot Troll-i Peppers:
I don't ever make posts real,
cos that's not my game,
Take me to the post I love,
Make it kinda lame,
I don't ever wanna feel,
Like I'm bein' flamed,
Fake another post, I will
Fake it all the way,
Under the bridge online,
Is where I drew some Lulz
Under the bridge online,
I could not fake enough
Under the bridge online,
I typed my life awayyy...
To OP, I thought your post was very funny (especially the cows blood and jumbo shrimp!)
This is cruel and I feel so horrible for any man that dates you. Not only is it cruel but its for the stupidest reason imaginable. You got the fucking cat clean its litter-box you lazy bitch.
Lazy Bitch! Get off your ass, and get to work. Clean that poor kitty's toilet!
Pretty fucked up. I'm surprised that you haven't tried adding to his workload by shitting In the litter box. Or, maybe you could shit and piss on everything in the house and when asked, you can blame your actions on something else.
I am so relieved that I'm not with you. There's no one to manipulate me with red paint/kool-aid and shrimp. Also, how can he not tell the difference between a embryo and shrimp? How can he not understand the obvious difference from kool-aid/paint from human blood? There's a difference in smell and consistency. Now, I could understand of you were using red dye, but still, blood has an unmistakable oder. Why hasn't he gotten suspicious yet?
If the shrimp pregnancy went full term it would be like District 9 months. Shrimp/prawns...whatever
Wow, now there's a strange relationship.
I guess it would be outside the realm of reality for you just to ask your guy to do that job for you? Is all the lying and mess easier than the truth? I guess, in your case it is.
Thank all things that are good and right, that you aren't anyone I know. You'd probably have a very limited lifespan.
All you really need to do is tell your boyfriend that the chemicals in cat pee are toxic to females. I forget what the actual reason for it is, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with becoming infertile, or messing up your hormones. I'm being truthful too. My mother refused to let me help her with the kitty litter because she didn't want me risking my chance of it hurting me. She did it because she had already had kids so even if it did effect her it wouldn't be a problem.
However, faking pregnancy is never an ok thing to do. You are pulling at that man's heart strings! Perhaps an even better thing to do would be to divvy up the household chores. If you don't like doing the kitty litter, then feed the cat every day instead. Or do the dishes. If your boyfriend doesn't like doing the kitty litter either, opt to balance the chore out. If you want it cleaned once a week, make him clean it week 1 and you clean it week 2. There's also litter boxes that clean the litter themselves and all you have to do is take the bag of poop out to the can. They're expensive and don't work all that well, so you might as well just divvy up the chores, but if you have the extra cash it's worth a try.