Is it normal to expect your partner for 8 yrs to get commited to you

42% Normal
7 Comments

I am in a relationship with my partner for almost 8yrs.
He is married - though physically seperated fro his wife and family for as long as he knows me - appx 8 yrs. he has 2 kids.(though he does visit his hometown twice every year and stays with his parents and kids come over)
he left his country and mooved to the current one as he needed thejob and apparently needed to get away from his wife!!!
to be fair , he has been very open about is status and the fact that he does want to seperate from his wife but loves his daughters a lot and is scared that getting a divorce might make him loose his kids.
having said that he has also expressed his desire to marry me.
he has been honest and faithful (or i belive) with me since he knows me and is very caring , we have met my family and he spends a lot of time with my family and friends - its like we are married - but - there is no sign of a marriage!!!
Off late we seem to be drifting but i still care for him.
this sounds like a disaster from day one , but i really like him and wonder if this relationship will go somewhere or is it just a matter of convinince for him?
i have tried talking to him so many times but he goes stone silent when i do and just keeps agreeing to what i am saying - its like talking to a wall then - help!!!!
i am 34 and am scared - will he ever get a divorce?? will i ever settle down and have a family?
SV

Voting Results
42% Normal
Based on 24 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Jen118584
    14 years ago

    I think you are wasting your time. You should be with someone who wants you to be happy and who wants to be with you entirely. There is no way, legally, that a divorce could keep him from seeing his children.

    Look, your boyfriend knows what your wants are, knows the way you feel, knows that you are frustrated with his lack of action. And he doesn't seem to care, right? You have never been married before, I take it. Don't you want to marry someone who wants to marry you? You shouldn't have to convince someone to marry you.

    If you are drifting, my advice to you is to let it drift. Struggling to make it work, struggling to convince him to marry you....it all sounds very exhausting, isn't it?

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  • so_damn_unpretty
    13 years ago

    I really don't think its a waste of tiume like the others have said.. i mean you guys obviously care deeply about each other to have been in a relationship so long. It's good that he loves his children, but for you guys to move forward he really has to get divorced. Get him too look into it, if he is a responsible dad and pays child support he should have visitation rights to his children (as he is not the one raising them it's unlikely he'd get custody..obviously) Anyways talk to him about it for sure! My bf and I started talking marriage after one year (we're now at 3 and half but we're young so are still waiting) Anyways... point is 8 yrs is a long ass time.. It's time you two start talking bout tieing the knot. Good luck girl!

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    • awesomeadvice88
      10 years ago

      Someone else with sense, everything you've said I agree with! It definitely isn't a waste, everybody always seems to take the easy way out by saying it won't work it's a waste, but you see it isn't a waste! That I can respect!

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  • feelinglikeroadkill
    14 years ago

    If you have honesly talked to him about divorcing this lady and he goes silent, just bobbing his head everytime, that would piss me off.Sounds like to me he still loves her or s/t, he only sees his kids twice a yr anyways,I mean honestly, thats not alot.You nd to think about you for a min.What about your needs and wants, your so caught up in saving his family, sounds like your never ganna have anything but a man thats stuck on another woman.I would let him know I was dead serious or I am packing my shit and moving on w/my life.You can find a man who would fall in love w/you and these days pop the question and have you married outside of two wks.Give a deadline stick to it and move on girl!!!!!!!!!

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  • BirdyMojo
    14 years ago

    Waste of time and effort. :/ Hate to tell ya, but it's just a waste.

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  • awesomeadvice88
    10 years ago

    All this is about is him seeing his kids and being in contact with his kids, if you knew this from the start, and knew he wanted to stay in his marriage because he was afraid of losing his kids why did you get with him? 8 years is a long time, maybe he should commit but he probably has 2 adorable children that he is AFRAID of losing! Being afraid that he won't commit is serious I understand but losing your own kids is not something any willing and decent parent will do, and he's showing that through you on this post! He sounds like a great guy, wouldn't you want a husband that would see your kids even if you weren't together? Anyone other woman would find him a blessing knowing when they conceive with him he will care for the child with all his heart!
    Have you ever thought about whether his wife has said this to him 'if you divorce me you won't see the kids?'! This would be very wrong of her but it happens, people become stubborn and use their childen as weapons!
    If I were you I would ask him to discuss divorce with his previous wife, discussing timtables for him to see the kids (so they both have a fair amount of time with their children) whether she be there or not, and later moan about him not committing after the divorce! You said he was open with you so you knew from day one what you were getting yourself into, I just hope it all works/worked out for everyone!

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  • underager
    12 years ago

    Get knocked up and force the issue. It's the womanly way!

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