Is it normal to embrace being fetishized? intersex.

65% Normal
10 Comments

I'm a dude but I was born intersex, I'm chromosomal male, have regular testosterone levels, body/facial structure/hair masculine. But I have a cunt. I never had ovaries, and had my uterus removed early on, never had to get tits chopped off cause I never grew 'em. I'm 22 and 6'5"

I'm straight, and dating is a bitch. The fact I'm intersex is kinda on the hush hush, but it's not like I'm ashamed of it, I can't help it. I can't help but be self conscious, so I rarely start relationships. I've had maybe three steady girlfriends that lasted a couple months or a year.

One of my exes, who I was with for a year, really fetishized me. She was like way too horny pervy for me, but she was the only one I could actually have a sex life with. She'd suck my clit like it was a dick (what a trooper) and we did a lot of scissoring/grinding. But then she like wanted to get in me and I cut ties with her cause that really turned me off and made me feel like a bitch. I have no interest in being dominated or made submissive.

All reactions from women I tell are either really negative or too positive. I don't want to be some "tranny fetish" or a "cuntboy" or "heshe" but I also don't want to be abstinent for the rest of my life. Should I just kinda give in and recognize that I'm going to attract some sex freaks and perverts?

I don't want to be fetishized. But if it's inevitable. Not much I can do.

Voting Results
65% Normal
Based on 26 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Kill_SJWS
    7 years ago

    Hmm. A real "caught between a rock and a hard place" type of situation. I'd say DON'T embrace being fetishized, Because it sounds like you don't want to be. Because being fetishized is ultimately dehumanizing, a sexualized form of seeing someone as "the other". And most of us would hate that, especially if one doesn't choose it and it's thrusted upon them by other people in society against their will. Realistically speaking the women you're likely to end up with will probably have more than a few fetishists among them. It'll take much explaining of your point of view to them. Those that truly care about your feelings and well-being will make an effort to see and treat you as a normal human being and not just a kinky exotic sex toy for them to get off on. Best wishes.

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  • lordofopinions
    5 years ago

    I've never heard about intersex before. I could not imagine it happening. Thanks for the education.

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  • Zonfire80
    5 years ago

    Show your girlfriend who's the real bitch. Ha ha ha.

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  • gxdezlh
    6 years ago

    Try going out with other intersex people and see how that goes. Good luck :)

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  • rayb12
    7 years ago

    I guess the distinction here is "having a fetish" vs. "fetishized". But the latter can really change once you meet someone. Speaking from personal experience, my mind is almost always in a really sexual place, and if I see a woman and think she's hot, that really is all I see.

    But that is also literally all I see, before you meet a person, you aren't going to have very much to go off of beyond their looks.

    But then if I'm lucky enough to spend some time with them, that's when you figure out if you really can get along with them, and learn all these other dynamics to them. The attraction is still there, but now has so much more to go along with it.

    It isn't as though obsessing over a persons looks prohibits you from obsessing over the person (who they are)

    But then obviously yeah if it turns out they never start seeing you as human, those are clearly not the ones to keep around.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      That seems to be the thing though, I become fetishized only after I get to know the person. I don't really introduce myself like "Hey, I don't have a dick" It's usually after a few dates I bring it up.

      I've tried leaving it untold until we got to bed, and that really didn't play over well. And the times I have met someone who had prior knowledge or I told early on, those women treated it as all I was. I had a Tinder for like a week and put in that I was intersex and got bombarded by bisexual men and dominatrixes. Which I have no problem with, but really wasn't what I was going for.

      If I wasn't born the way I am, I'd be prudish as all hell, but being as I am, I've kinda been forced into this whole kink community and I'm just not into it. I like that people find me sexy, don't get me wrong, I'd be damn complimented if I was seen as a hunky piece of meat, but not when I'm trying to have an actual relationship. Also from years of insecurities I've kinda created a lowlying dislike for bisexual women. Which is god awful of me, I know. But I've heard variations of "Oh well I like girls and guys so this works" too many damn times.

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      • rayb12
        7 years ago

        crap dude. I don't blame you. I'd say that there are a bunch of low-sex drive vanilla progressive girls, but they'd have the hidden motive of the relationship being 'queer' and 'woke' which I honestly don't know if that's any better. I hope some no bullshit awesome girl comes your way soon.

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  • rayb12
    7 years ago

    It can be hard to see which way the stigmatization is going in cases like these. Like for one, not saying this is you, but having a fetish can be considered freakish. I remember this video of a blind girl, made this whole video about respecting blindness and being open, and then was like, oh yeah, I don't want people on tinder to know I'm blind before they swipe so I can weed out these creepy fetish guys.
    Like you gotta see them as people first.

    And then the second part is it really sounds like a stigmatization of being intersex. Like if a dude goes crazy over big butts or a girl over a dick or if a guy is hispanic that's cool, but if the hots are for someone intersex now it's a perverted fetish? That really to me just sounds like its based in a judgement of being intersex. That for some reason it shouldn't be sexy and that's how you get to "people who get turned on by it are freaks"

    That all being said I understand what you're saying. Just being wanted for your body sucks, but that really isn't a specifically intersex thing. People with fetishes are people too. Some are gonna be jerks and some decent people. A fetish just means what you like isn't seen as mainstream, despite in some cases actually being very popular. It doesn't mean that you're more likely to 'fetishize' or not care about the person who possesses the feature that turns you on.

    I'm sorry if this was the case with your girlfriend from the past. I hope you find somebody who loves you and is attracted to you!! And can be comfortable and confident with them being attracted to you.

    Sorry if this sounds like I really don't get it. Speaking only from POV of a person with a fetish, not as someone who's intersex. Just my general belief that when 2 people spend enough time, you can find out if there's a connection there or not, and just be people.

    I would try to have an open mind, you might get people who are drawn in by you being intersex, then find that's like the least interesting thing about you.

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  • Adopt-a-thot
    7 years ago

    Kinda like being dark skin. Disgust, envy or fetishized. Embrace it. Capitalize on that shit.

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  • CreamPuffs
    7 years ago

    That's kinda sad really, it's unfortunate that you're in such a predicament. I do congratulate you on standing up for yourself and not being anyone's bitch however. Good for you. I'd say your feelings are normal.

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